Book for new mum - I wish I'd been told that....

[MummyElk]

Similar to portofino's thread but i wanted to be more specific...

so my very good friend is about to have her baby - and in reintroducing myself to Early Parenthood with the birth of my DD2 I've realised there is a whole list of Things I Wish I'd Been Told...
like:

• lavender oil on maternity pads
• Recovery: Getting Up From Seats: straighten one leg first before pushing up from seat (doesn't seem to stretch stitches so much)
• start dream feeding early (like from the moment Baby fits into BabyDry nappies and therefore can more or less get through the night without changing....)
• Swaddle (and persevere with it)

I'm doing her a book of them.

Anything to add?
What did you do to ease colic?
Are fussy evenings just a TTSP thing?
Bfing tips?

help please!!!

bump - i know i worded it badly and in not quite the wittiest way i could have - but any top tips would be gratefully received....
pppppleassseee....

White noise from a detuned radio helps babies calm down and sleep (and/or a running tap, hoover, etc)

It is OK and normal when a couple of weeks in you think "this is awful, wtf have I done, my life is over" - it isn't, just hang in there.

Likewise breastfeeding is almost always NOT easy and straightforward. It's definitely worth persevering but do not feel inadequate if you have problems.

Cut their nails when they are sleeping.

Persevere with breastfeeding if you can, it WILL get easier (coming from someone who was in pain for 8 weeks) but don't feel guilty if you have to stop or supplement with formula.

Sling, sling, sling. Especially if you have a fussy won't-be-put-down baby.

If a messy house bothers you, get a cleaner, even if it's just for the first few weeks.

Soak stained baby clothes in hot water and napisan for a couple of hours as soon as stain occurs. Make sure napisan is dissolved or clothes will end up with interesting tinges of turquoise....

Trust your instincts, you are the person who knows your baby best

Midwives and HV's only see a snapshot of your baby and you are trying to make him/her look perfect in that snapshot, so their advice is always based on that perfect snapshot

Microwave sterilising baby bottles helped my son to stop crying for 6-minutes - long enough for me to calm down!

BF in public (with your pals for support) as soon as you can, within the first week if you can get out, it completely gets rid of the fear and liberates you quickly

And if BF doesn't work out, don't spend the next 6-months crying and beating yourself up about it and typing on Mumsnet FF vs BF debates

Smile at your OH's helpful advice and wave him off to work, then you can get on with it in your own way

Sleepsense is a great book by M. Faure and A. Richardson

Walk your bay up and down the stairs to help get rid of wind.

Sleep when baby sleep. Cleaning will always be there but sleep is a must.

Say yes to any offers of help

If you love your baby, if your baby is happy*, well-fed and warm and dry, then you are doing a great job. The big life-changing decisions and dilemmas come later on, so don't beat yourself up in the sleepless, hormonal early weeks by questioning every single parenting decision you make or by listening to those who question every single parenting you make. There isn't a magical right way to do it all, but if you love your baby and trust your instincts you'll be fine.

*babies do cry, so don't be hard on yourself if your baby cries a lot.

Oh and swaddle!

And get out and about with the pushchair/sling as much as possible and as quickly as possible. The fresh air will help you feel more human and will help the baby sleep.

If you get a chance to go out without your baby even if it's for half-an-hour, take it (if you want): the time away being 'you' and the aching desire to get back to your baby will erase any of the 'oh-my-god-why-does-my-baby-never-stop-crying' that can make it all seem so hard.

Forget style. Buy everything practical.

Buggy that folds with one hand, sling, plain plastic highchair that you can wipe down, clothes that need no iron, washable cover or throw for sofa. Don't spend money on matching baby crap but do get things that make your life easier. (i bought a big fridge and freezer but got all baby clothes second hand).

Sometimes babies like to be left alone, so don't feel you have to hold them all the time. Get a good bouncy chair.

Yes, don't overheat your baby but a cold baby doesn't sleep well. Use a hot water bottle to keep their bed warm while they are out of it feeding, at night.

Some babies are sicky babies and muslins are a blessing.
With my ds I put the front of the nappy over his willy first and then scooped the back of the nappy under his bum, just incase he weed mid change.
DO NOT compare yourself or your baby with others from you NCT/new mum group/ social circle.
I REPEAT, DO NOT compare yourself or your baby.
Your belly may well be soft and weird to touch afterwards. (I did not consider this and was a bit feaked out)
You know your body, if something doesn't feel right then keep pushing and pushing until someone listens and you get answers. This goes for your baby too. Don't be dismissed.
Keep a spare vest for you in your baby bag. (esp if you have a sicky baby)

Do not waste money on tons of oh-so-cute baby clothes...they grow out of them before they can wear them all or are just plain uncomfortable in them. For my next one, I am getting one or two nice outfits for visiting and the rest of the time it's going to be onesies and sweatpants from Wal-Mart.

It's hard, being a mother. Just keep going forward. Left foot, right foot, breathe.

Don't waste your money on an expensive pram. Baby will have outgrown it in no time and you will want a buggy. Far better to get a good buggy from outset with a 'lay back' option.

ok....tell me about lavender oil on pads...??

likewise dream feeding.....then i will share some of my good tips!

You don't automatically have to bf with the baby across your chest, like every bf photo shows. My midwife showed me how to bf lying down, or holding DS under one arm like a rugby ball - I had no idea you could do it any other way and both of these were much easier to get the hang of!

Agree with ItWasCertainly's savoy cabbage leaves tip... and Lansinoh cream for poor sore nipples.

And definitely sing to your baby. They love it! Also, you're told to talk to your baby all the time, but I think it's hard to keep talking when you don't get a reply - you don't expect a reply to singing, so it's easier to keep going. (My neighbours must've loved me )

What is TTSP?

"Are fussy evenings just a TTSP thing?" in OP

Am due in 2 days with 2nd baby and first one cried all night, need to know what TTSP means?!

forget socks ..... they dont work.

IT's ok to think terrible things, along the lines of, 'I'm going to be the mum who sits on her baby by accident,','I'm going to be the one who falls down the stairs carrying my baby and crack its skull,','If that truck crashes into my car, I'm going to protect the baby like this' etc etc ...

I know so many mums who thought they were completely alone in these thoughts and / or going crazy. I did too until I broached the subject with DH and BF and found they were exactly the same. And none of us were nuts, after all.

You should buy her a copy of the Mumsnet Babies book as well, it has all of this kind of thing but under topics, it's excellent.

but other things for your book: -
Be kind to yourself - don't try and do too much. We're all so used to having a "to-do" list to tick off throughout the day and get things "done."
In the first few weeks, if you've managed to get up, have a shower and get dressed and fed you and the baby then that's a result
Putting on the dishwasher and a load of washing is proper home run territory.

I read on MN recently that you shouldn't let any visitors have a cuddle until they've made you and themselves a drink or done another job - hard to implement this I imagine but I love the theory.

Definitely keep your tea and coffee making stuff easy for visitors to find!

Also I had a copy of this framed in my kitchen:-

Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She?s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I?ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping?s not done and there?s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there?s a hullabaloo
But I?m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren?t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I?ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I?m rocking my baby and babies don?t keep.

Best thing I found for colic (DD screamed from 11am to 6pm due to colic) is to use dentinox colic drops with each feed, and laying her on her belly and rub/pat her back to calm her down. I used to put her to sleep on her belly during the day too, it was an absolute life saver.

A musical cot mobile with a remote is brilliant during the night to get a baby to sleep - no need to keep getting up to re-wind it plus there's no 20second break in the music.

Haven't read whole thread so sorry if duplicating but when DS1 had colic or got himself in a state, a few minutes of the hoover on stopped it dead!
A friend told us it worked for her DD and I have never been so grateful for a piece of advice!

A breast pump might save your nipples for the first couple of weeks and keep up milk supply when your nipples are cracked and bleeding, and you can't face that tiny mouth going anywhere near them.

Don't bother buying tasteful, cream and white things - babies only like the really tacky, bright and loud toys/mobiles/playmats.

Lovely poem, champagnesupernova

Moist toilet tissue is your friend for the first days after birth. But don't buy them in a smell you like. Aloe Vera takes me right back to that poxy hospital bathroom every time

Absolutely agree with the 'WTF have I done? I wish I was dead' type thing. For a while it may feel like that but it miraculously gets better and you don't even notice it getting better.

If you're out and about in the early days and the baby starts screaming, it absolutely will not kill it to let it cry for a minute or two while you find somewhere to sort yourself out. I can remember the rising panicky feeling of trying to find somewhere to park myself to feed or whatever.

Nice clothes are a PITA. Babygros are a godsend. Do not waste your time with co-ordinated sailor suits. The babog will spew over them the minute you fasten the last popper.

Look at the baby a lot. They are that tiny for such a teeny weeny time (although it sometimes feels like forever). I look at my 2yo sometimes and wonder when the hell she grew those great big long legs

champagne - the poem made me cry - in a good way :-)

the horrid scary intrusive thoughts are normal and start to ease after 3 months or so

3 momths is the magic time - most babies get easier/mum is less tired/some sort of routine has developed and you start thinking 'blimey! i'm really doing this!'

nasosal and teething powder are lifesavers

always be on the look out for sleep cues

bf hurts. it does, but its worth it.

if you are the main carer and you have strong instincts about how do do things, gently tell dh/ your mother in law/whoever else is lecturing you, to let you get on with it

go for envelope necks, front fastening everything and nothing that needs ironing. buy some fabric softener. don't buy your muslins from boots - they go all crinkly when you wash them.