Book for new mum - I wish I'd been told that....

[MummyElk]

Similar to portofino's thread but i wanted to be more specific...

so my very good friend is about to have her baby - and in reintroducing myself to Early Parenthood with the birth of my DD2 I've realised there is a whole list of Things I Wish I'd Been Told...
like:

• lavender oil on maternity pads
• Recovery: Getting Up From Seats: straighten one leg first before pushing up from seat (doesn't seem to stretch stitches so much)
• start dream feeding early (like from the moment Baby fits into BabyDry nappies and therefore can more or less get through the night without changing....)
• Swaddle (and persevere with it)

I'm doing her a book of them.

Anything to add?
What did you do to ease colic?
Are fussy evenings just a TTSP thing?
Bfing tips?

help please!!!

new babies need to feed all the time and all older relatives seem to have forgotten that. DM and DMIL were forever telling me that DD couldn't possibly need anymore milk and to hand her over for them to have a go at settling. They meant well but that made me feel like a complete failure and actually she really did need more milk too!

As others have said you know your baby better than anyone else and her bond with you is the most important one she'll ever form so no-one else needs to have a go on the baby if you don't want them to.

ok mummyelk....great tips re dream feeding!!
my top tips would be that your kitchen sink is the most perfect height depth and ease of taps for babys bath and the idea of bathing my next bubba in anything else would be mental! (needs to be clean obvs!!!)

also a backpack is by far the best changing bag style...i will be using my uni one again!!

oooh and best way to do those pesky pelvic floor exercises is to imagine doing a mental 'zip' up on your trousers....

don't keep baby awake too long at the beginning, they need to sleep in order to grow.

say the same thing when you're putting them down to sleep, so they come to expect it as part of the "learning to go to sleep on their own" thing - I remember worrying about a winding down routine with baby massage, story, saying good night to animals etc. but now it just comes down to having milk, a short cuddle and then telling her that it's time to go to sleep and that I'm going to put her in her bed.
Much easier than all that other malarkey!

No lights on in the room at night, you can change nappies using a hall light or night light. You want nights to be as dull as poss so they go to sleep. Never bring them downstairs to watch tv unless you want to keep doing it. I only ever sit in the dark and cuddle her if she wakes.

Get baby on a bottle in first month, just one a day so that you get a break and are not trapped into bfing FOR A YEAR OR MORE. I still remember sad faces of mums who couldn't go out because dc needed a feed in the evening...

get a good bfing counsellor with you in the hosp, nurses DONT HAVE A CLUE. If you get good support early on then bfing will make more sense to you. God my nurses were crap.

get a mirror for their bed or play area. we always had dd on her back and I think she would have had better neck control and been happier on her front if we'd encouraged her to look around a bit when on her front, and babies like faces best.

Champagnesupernova that's such a lovely poem.

One of the hardest things after the birth is that just when you have hardly any time to spend looking after yourself, it's suddenly a full-time job (constipation, possibly piles, episiotomy or c-section stitches to care for, you need lochia pads and breast pads, etc etc) and that can be miserable.

When you can, give the baby to your partner/mum etc. after a feed to jiggle/walk up and down, or when naps are established use napping time, and have a proper bubble bath, hairwash and spend time looking after yourself instead of always doing it in a mad rush. It's amazing how much more human you feel after a lovely bath.

let the house go to rack and ruin or if you can afford it, get a cleaner, not once a week but maybe an hour every two days (my plan for next time)

envelope necks on vests and tops mean that you can take the arms out and pull the clothing down over the body, so that you don't have to cover baby in poo!

in keeping with the above, babies poo all the way up their backs, a LOT.

you will possibly feel a bit mad for a while. don't be afraid to tell your loved ones/significant other. when your baby is about six months old you will discover that everyone else with a baby the same age as yours also felt a bit mad about all the same things at the same time.

if you BF you will experience intense cugar cravings, even in you've never been a "sweet things" person before.

some babies like to be held all the time.

baby books with schedules and routines make early parenting more difficult that it needs to be.

you are better at being a mother than you think you are.

Have a bottle of water and a bottle of infacol in every room you might feed in.

DO NOT look at your lady bits in a mirror for a long time afterwards. No good can come of it.

Your baby's cues are their own, and will not be exacly as listed in the books you might have read.

Give yourself a break. You're doing fine, and so is your baby.

Get good breast feeding support, if it aint working ask someone else.

Don't worry about equipment, the shops will still be open after you've had the baby and online places will deliver. Browse but if your not sure you really need it, hang on.

You will need
car seat,
muslins (be inventive, mini sheet/vomit clothe/sun shade)
IMO soft ring sling
a warm, feel good book for reading when feeding although stare at your baby lots it triggers love hormones that help with disturbed sleep

sorry if someone has said this -

Warming the wet wipes on your legs/arms before you use them when you are out and about in winter; if they have been in cold car or pram, they will give newborns a shock.

File their nails when they're born - put off cutting until they're a bit bigger.

Learn to trust your instincts; never EVER assent to following ANYONE'S advice when they offer it. Instead just say 'thank you, I'll give that some thought'. Or 'piss off you horrible old goat', if preferable.

Read 'What Mothers Do - Especially When It Looks Like Nothing'. And then do all the stuff it talks about and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Don't be in a hurry to get your old life back - in fact, you never WILL get your old life back. Your life has changed for good and you'll find creative ways to incorporate all the different facets of your life into each other.

MummyElk, what a lovely friend you are!

If you plan to breastfeed let your husband/partner give the baby a bottle for the last feed of the evening. It means you can leave your baby if you have to go out or need sleep and it gives them bonding time.

I didn't follow my own advice for my first child - but did for my second!

A stretchy sling is great.

Also it took me about 6 weeks to recognise that you need to look for the signs of tiredness and help them to sleep. Still not successful at this yet, but persevering!

Love Deirdres point re is sleeping was so easy why are there so many books. Was feeling a bit of a failure but that has perked me up.

!. If you have anything like a full on stressful type career job, if can help it anyway possible,,,DON"T go back to work to soon...wait 6 months to a year at least.......in fact unless you have a pretty cushy low stress job....still don't go back for as long as you possibly can & then part time...you will soon realise, that you CAN do without the money, you only THINK you can't......your health is more important.

1. invest in one of those baby chairs, the ones that vibrate & make heartbeat & breathing noises, Mammas & Pappas I think? .......I wish I'd found mine much sooner than I did.....it meant I could suddenly put DD down to wash,/go to the toilet without her Screaming the house down.....

1. When you are breastfeding, what YOU eat can affect your Baby,

if baby has Colic, look at cutting out all onion family foods...the layered ones...cabbage, leek, lettuce, sprouts etc, & anything too spicey.......you'll probably see a pretty instant colic cure...if not, then look at wheat & diary.....

Baby massage for colic works wonders......baby face down along your thigh, head over your knee, & massage the back bottom of ribs down to top hips (intesinal area) in a sort of squared circle, in an anti clockwise direction......this moves the wind causing the pain.

If Baby has Skin problems, or again some stomach upset, GPS etc aren't always right.....it can simply be down to chemical additives & sweetners in YOUR food, even bad nappy rash can actually be urticaria caused by this.....wish I'd learned that one sooner than I did, it was heartbreaking seeing the sores on DDs "bits"

1. sterilising tablets make great stain removers...soak babies clothes in a bucket with a couple dissolved in it over night

5, Epsom salts in Babies bath, along with a few drops of lavender & cahamomile work wonders to calm both them, & skin problems, great for your frayed nerves too

1. don't buy many baby clothes, they grow so quick you won't use hardly any a few baby grows & blankets to wrap them in to go out.....you'll need more & more as they get older, so if friends are buying gifts, try & ask for mixed age range......those with babies will probably do that anyway

1. Invest in lots of BEIGE....it hides the milk & baby puke marks...so you can still manage to look half glam, even if you forget to change or wipe it off

1. keep shoes together in pairs, but seperately... its too easy in those hazy first few weeks, as I found out & know several other that did the same...to end up as the batty bird wandering around the supermarket in odd shoes

9, Babies crying when you are out..DON"T be embarrassed & paranoid that the looks you get are because we all hate you & your screaming brat & think your a failure....people look because they feel for you, as we all remember it well

& most of all TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS...... if YOU think theres more wrong with Baby than GP health visitor says, believe in mother nature & your instincts over the Medics......find your nearest Childrens A&E if necessary, & make sure you see a peadiatric Doctor or Nurse.....far better look like a nurotic new Mum, & they WILL very likely try & tell you that, but if your instinct is screaming otherwise....don't let them fob you off...they will listen if you make a fuss, ..........TWICE I've had that happen, at 10weeks, & 5 years, & both times I was right, & the 5 & more Doctors I saw were wrong....had I listened, DD wouldn't be here today.....& had I been more confident & argued more the first time round, I wouldn't of gone over 90 hrs without sleep as DD kept stopping breathing

1.dont let the baby get overtired (cannot stress this enough)
2.a well napped baby sleeps better at night
3.that said dont let baby sleep ALL day - try to teach day from night from get go = even letting baby sleep but maknig sure it is noisy and light in day

1. i dont agree with the sling bit - pram or bed for me so i get some break too...

5.agree with bottle of ebm from start - i would express during day and give this after night feed from me = worked wonders every time 6.dont be afraid to let the baby cry a little while from the outset - helps them self soothe ime

1. no one is perfect
2. try to recognise you and dp both tired and still love each other !!

forgot SWADDLE without a doubt

when you go into hospital and have bub..god forbid you need stitches, but if you do- be warned, they're more painful than the blimmin' birth! going for a wee even a few days after is uncomfortable, so what i did was take a massive water bottle (emptied of fizzy contents...)filled with water and would squirt it on myself when ont'loo.like a substitute for a douche/ shower head! it helped a lot and took my 'burning' fear away

i also found a bf pillow helped me use my hands to flip pages of heat magzine when little one was busy drinking away! it was much easier..

definately agree with the bottle once a day from early on.. did it with my ebf baby no1, and it did us no harm.. got cold feet with no.2 and delayede bottle till she was 3m..big mistake. 1.3yrs later, and the bottle is still rejected

Oh & another important one

When breastfeeding, keep baby in one of those moses baskets on legs right next to your side of the bed, it will make night feeds much easier, as you don't have to get up & they'll settledoown quicker too as they can hear your breathing & heart

& when a bit older & transferring to a cot, start of by putting the moses basket inside the cot, it helps them get used to the new surroundings whilst still feeling safe with what they know

& some babies LIKE noise........if you've been out & about listening to loud music in bars, machinery at work or music TV etc at home whilst pregnant, don't think putting baby into a quiet room to sleep will work....you may well find they need similar sounds to what they were used to in the womb to feel relaxed enough to sleep

YOu may have intrusive images running through your brain, of the bounce of tiny head on concrete, the mayhem of a car colliding with a pram, the horror, the intestine freezing horror of an empty cot...

These are not portents of future doom. You are not going insane. Furthermore, you will not entirely lose your marbles and microwave your newborn.

This is your evolution, designed to keep you and your baby safe from sabre-toothed tigers and marauding neanderthals, kicking in to make you even more over-protective. Your evolution has not yet caught up to the fact that you live in a relatively safe world.

It will go away after a few weeks. your brain will come back. One day you will be able to think of things that are not your baby for whole minutes at a time.

i wish i'd been told...

that things DO and WILL get better... a week into motherhood and i wanted to kill myself i felt like i didn't really know what my baby wanted and that things would never get easier.... but they did. it gets so enjoyable and ends up being so worth it.

don't pick your baby up every 5 mins, and don't let visitors hold your baby non stop. it will be much easier for you if your baby is used to being put down and being left for a little while.

teach your baby the difference between day and night from about 6 weeks. once they are up for the day, go into the living room, curtains open, tv on etc... once it's bedtime turn the lights off, tv on low, minimum chat and not lots of eye contact. it will help to establish a betime routine if you persevere.

Just don't tell her that although it gets easier (and please don't say it gets easier at 3 months, we had a nightmare from 3-5 months), it never gets easy. Yes one day they will sleep through the night, but that doesn't mean they will never wake in the night again. I don't think I have had an unbroken night for over a year and my youngest is 2.....

Sorry if this has been said before but masses and masses of skin to skin.

We had a fretful baby and made sure we did skin to skin for at least an hour at night after his bath. Worked miracles for him and my milk supply. LOADS AND LOADS OF SKIN TO SKIN!!

Don't feel like a failure if something doesn't go to plan. I ended up having to express milk as DD wouldn't latch on and had lost a lot of weight. DH made me feel a bit guilty about this but it really did make a huge improvement to our lives. So much so that i am planning on doing a fair bit of expressing this time too.

Always keep biscuits within reach

Very good advice i got was 'Sleep promotes sleep' it really did with our DD