Book for new mum - I wish I'd been told that....

[MummyElk]

Similar to portofino's thread but i wanted to be more specific...

so my very good friend is about to have her baby - and in reintroducing myself to Early Parenthood with the birth of my DD2 I've realised there is a whole list of Things I Wish I'd Been Told...
like:

• lavender oil on maternity pads
• Recovery: Getting Up From Seats: straighten one leg first before pushing up from seat (doesn't seem to stretch stitches so much)
• start dream feeding early (like from the moment Baby fits into BabyDry nappies and therefore can more or less get through the night without changing....)
• Swaddle (and persevere with it)

I'm doing her a book of them.

Anything to add?
What did you do to ease colic?
Are fussy evenings just a TTSP thing?
Bfing tips?

help please!!!

If you have a sicky baby, put a protector sheet and cot sheet UNDERNEATH another protector sheet and cot sheet so if baby is sick in the night you just whisk off the top two sheets and cot is ready for baby again.

Remember that you have to have some bad days so that you recognise the good ones.

Don't let your baby get overstimulated - learn the early tired signs (turning head away, glazed look) and put them to bed or let them sleep. Keeping them awake does not help them sleep at night!

Trust your instincts. Your baby is unlikely to be the textbook child, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Get a sling - no pushchair or pram really needed for the first few months.

All babies are different - the advice you're given won't necessarily work, so don't beat yourself up that you're 'doing something wrong'

Personally for me by 3 months, it started to get quite awful, so all the advice about it getting better then was actually quite upsetting, I felt like a failure.

Don't feel you should try and 'do' things in the first few weeks, if you and your baby are fed and you've spent time enjoying your baby, then that's all you need to 'achieve'.

Horrible thoughts (I might sit on / drop / crush my baby) are perfectly normal.

Read 'What Mothers do - even when it seems like they're doing nothing'.

Persevere with swaddling.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Enjoy the current phase, whatever it is, it changes all too soon and you look back and think, oh, actually this bit is more difficult in lots of ways!

The three Ss:

Swaddle
Sling
Sing

Its normal to wake up in the night in a wild panic, throwing the duvet off the bed, frantically crying in the mistaken belief that you have left your baby in your bed and squashed them whilst baby may be peacefully sleeping in crib. I did this 5 or 6 times, each time DH thought I had gone mad.

Also its normal to "imagine" crying. DD had colic and cried a lot but I also used to hear it when it wasnt happening it passes.

And I agree with WTF, I want to die type feelings. I made DH promise me that we would never have to have another child, am due with no2 tomorrow!

You can use muslins as 'oversheets'. It can save a bit of washing as they protect fairly well and dry more easily than sheets.

Battery operated white noise maker is great for colicky babies.
Musical mobile playing classical music for use in any room in the house soothes everyone, including the baby.
If your baby needs to be carried and you are OK with that, just carry your baby.
If sleep was straightforward, there would not be so many books written on the subject and no one has the answer for every baby and Mummy.
I agree that it's worth spending money on a good buggy and a sling rather than an over engineered over marketed pram.
Carrying babies in their car seats is not as good as it looks - easier to pop them in a sling instead.
It's hard being a Mum and spending 24 hours a day with a tiny being who can't talk and needs you constantly is pretty shocking to the system. Make as many Mummy friends as you can - they will keep you sane.

THey're YOUR baby. Do what you think is right and works for you. I remember a midwife in the hospital telling me not to pick up DD when she was crying, because then she would expect to be picked up all the time. Hello, she was 6 days old . Amazingly now at 18 months she doesn't do that any more, despite all those dire warnings.

Take back any clothes you are given in small sizes. DD wore most of the things we were given once. Babygros are the way to go.

Oh, and you can't break them.

I too thought wtf have I done? Be gentle on yourself, you are not going to get everything right first time. A good enough parent, who is enjoying their baby is much better than one with no hair out of place, who is screaming inside each time, baby is sick on pristine clothing.

Have a jug of warm water by the loo and pour as you pee. Takes that agonising sting away post birth.

SOrry if I repeat what others have already said, I haven't read all the posts.

EVERYTHING is just a phase.

Don't be ashamed/embarrassed (etc) to use a dummy. Can be a lifesaver.

Start using a bottle (EBM if you want) once a day, as early as possible, to get your baby used to it if you want to get her off the breast at some point.

DO NOT stress about everything needing to be "perfect". Just do whatever you have to to get through the early weeks. It is all about survival at this point. A nice routine and everyone sleeping in their own beds can come later.

Get SKY plus. And use the subtitles to watch tv when the baby is crying and you are jiggling it on your shoulder. The programme will take your mind off the crying, you will calm down, the baby will sense your calmness and calm down itself. Or at least that's the plan.

Breastfeeding can be painful, it is definitely worth getting good one-on-one advice to get it right.

Crying does not always mean hungry; quite often means tired - (but on the otherhand there's no harm in feeding them more!)

Learn to BF lying down.

Put a muslin under the baby's head to save having the change the sheet when they posset. use your rolled t-shirt to line the top of the moses basket and make it smell of you.

Use a sports drinking bottle to squirt warm water as you pee - easier than pouring from a jug.

Don't buy a complicated highchair - they are a pain to clean!

Don't worry about making a 'rod for your own back' - do whatever works for you as it will all change in due course anyway.

Hmm, lovely thread. I think my two top ones are

1. you can never have enough muslin cloths - they really are used for everything and then some in our house
2. If you wake in the night check it's your baby who's woken you... I once whipped my dd1 out of bed, started to change her and then realised it was seagulls who woke me and she was fast asleep

Don't worry about 'spoiling' you're baby by cuddling/ rocking etc. etc.

Take lots of pictures.

If she's winding you up, ask your mother to leave! She's a mother herself and she should understand (maybe that's a bit of a personal grievance ).

Give your partner a break, it's a big change for them too. Also, if you need them to do more ask them to. Sometimes they just don't seem to notice that nappies need changiing or that the baby's crying

boodleboot lavender oil on maternity pads is a good way of helping your stitches and general lady bits to heal - it has antiseptic qualities (and other magical abilities........i don't know what they are....but it works).
Dream feeding is where you don't wake your baby to feed her, just pick up quietly and put her to the breast - somehow, in the midst of their sleep they open up and start suckling. If bottle feeding it's even easier tbh, just put the teat in their mouths without picking up...They are relaxed and fill themselves up - and don't necessarily need winding either.... genius
....so come on then - hand those boodlebooty tips over!!

and pamelat TTSP stands for This Too Shall Pass...it's phrase bandied around MN, though my postnatal group whittled it down to four letters (too tired to type emoticon...). Good luck with no2 - i'm 7 weeks in with DD2 and she's gorgeous. Amazing how I'd forgotten some of the odd events though of having a newborn - hence my fussy evenings comment!! She's already outgrowing the 6pm-10pm crying/fussiness (hence TTSP) but i'd so completely forgotten that aspect of new motherhood!!

THANK YOU ALL - keep em coming. Great tips xx

lilypadz No leaks, no lines, no worried (their words not mine!) But seriously, best breast pads ever and kind to nipples.

Whatever you do, someone will tell you that you should be doing it differently. Smile sweetly and ignore, ignore, ignore.

If you're bfing and feeling sore, rub some of your milk into your nipples after each feed.

Try to to resist the temptation to play the 'I'm more tired than you are' game with your OH.

That young babies can't stay up for more than two hours between sleeps. As its been posted, look for the signs of tiredness and don't overstimulate your newborn. I had forgottten this with my DD and in retrospect (at 6 months) can understand why she screamed so much in those early days when she was up, with a full house for hours.

I would also add to be prepared for shifts in your relationship with your partner- sleep deprivation can cause a lot of stress so keep talking and try to get some time together.

I hated lilipadz. They lost their stick within a week and were then pointless. Same happened with 2 pairs and at £15 a pop, that's an expensive fortnight!!

The best advice I had was from my Mum and about DH rather than baby, when we were both at the end of our tether with sleep deprivation - "Just be a little bit kind to each other".

Get an iphone or equivalent, and upload huge amounts of inane tv - watch with earphones for the nightfeeds to stop yourself going mad. I actually started looking forward to them!

Grey's Anatomy was a particular favourite of mine.

Muslins muslins muslins.

Don't worry about what everyone else wants for the first 6 weeks or so, it is your own little family that is important not the random distant rellies and "friends" who just want to cuddle the newborn.

Tell people what you want them to do, I told a good friend that he could come round as long as he brought us all lunch. If they are close enough to come and see the baby, they are close enough to bring food/do washing/clean the bathroom!

yes - the iphone saved my life! It also allowed me to keep in touch with friends via email, text and facebook. Plus you can mumsnet at 3am

Don't be afraid to take your baby back if MIL/mother/[insert family member here] is hogging them during a visit. Or if you just want your baby back!

I would say re the birth, it's quite common to get constipated afterwards. This is the last thing you want after you've just been through labour. I've managed to avoid it both times by drinking lots of water and eating high fibre cereals and plenty fruit etc, also one or two spoons of lactulose a day if you're struggling just till things settle down (can take this whilst bfing and can be bought over the counter).

Apart from that, just be your own type if mum. By that I mean that you can get caught up in the media image of being the perfect mum/stepford wife type person and it's just not realistic. Follow your insincts and be a mum in your own way .

Be nice to your partner and remember that sleep deprivation can make you both snappy and irritable and cause some bad fights. Keep talking to each other and don't expect too much from each other.

A good sling . I had a carrier for dd1 which was ok for trips out but having dd2 tucked up a sleep on a soft stretchy wrap was lovely. I could do things and still have my little baby close and to was great for getting her off to sleep.

Right here are mine:

Everything is a phase.. whether its good or bad, it's not likely to last!

Allow an extra hour for your first few shopping trips, mainly to allow for being stopped by people telling you how cute your baby is (Bask in the glow! Its one time you don't have to be modest!)

Health visitors are just people with opinions and guidelines to implement... if you don't agree with their advice, forget it and see another one!

Babies can't read baby books and magazines, so they don't know what they should be doing!!!

HTH