Book for new mum - I wish I'd been told that....

[MummyElk]

Similar to portofino's thread but i wanted to be more specific...

so my very good friend is about to have her baby - and in reintroducing myself to Early Parenthood with the birth of my DD2 I've realised there is a whole list of Things I Wish I'd Been Told...
like:

• lavender oil on maternity pads
• Recovery: Getting Up From Seats: straighten one leg first before pushing up from seat (doesn't seem to stretch stitches so much)
• start dream feeding early (like from the moment Baby fits into BabyDry nappies and therefore can more or less get through the night without changing....)
• Swaddle (and persevere with it)

I'm doing her a book of them.

Anything to add?
What did you do to ease colic?
Are fussy evenings just a TTSP thing?
Bfing tips?

help please!!!

Have a stash of old or cheapy towels handy. Place one on the changing mat and then when they do one of those poos that just goes everywhere, you can just whip off the towel, stick it in the wash and put another one down. It means you don't have to faff about cleaning the changing mat when baby wants your full attention. Also, it stops the plastic being too cold on baby's back!
I found this one brilliant!!

In the first few months just do whatever your baby seems to want/need. You can't spoil them/set patterns.

The difficult first weeks seem like they will last for ever. It's impossible to imagine it, but soon your baby will soon be 6 months old, sitting up and playing with her toys, babbling at you, making funny faces at you and chomping on a sticky fruity snack bar. It goes SO fast! So try and cherish the newborn stage when they are so tiny and helpless. Easier said than done of course ...

If your baby is anything like my DD was and doesn't want to be put down, then don't drive yourself insane by trying to put him/her down all the time. Just use a sling and keep her close and sleep together with her in your bed. She will grow out of it soon enough and you will miss all those snuggles!

As someone else said, babies are pretty random - the temptation is to think that there IS an answer, just you are not competent enough to find it. Wrong - often there isn't an answer (contrary to many baby books!) and its just a matter of trial and error until something works. Dont worry about this!

Routines. Don't even worry about this at this stage. When baby is older you will find that there is a routine of sorts. Contrary to baby books, you don't have to drive yourself insane now trying to impose one. It will come later.

Definitely get a proper fabric sling - not a Baby Bjorn. Great for high maintenance / colicky babies as well as just for 'velcro days' or trips out.

Babies can only stay awake happily for 1 - 2 hours max; soothe them off to sleep within that time even if they don't show any sleepy signs. That way you should avoid the overtired hysterics.

As new babies get older, they nap for progressively shorter periods during the day, so don't worry if yours ends up napping for only 30 mins at a time.

Don't worry about getting babies into bad habit as to how to get them to sleep - better a habit of needing to be rocked/fed to sleep than the bad habit of learning not to sleep.

Put oil (any vegetable oil will do, or use baby oil) on your newborn's bottom every time you clean it, and the meconium will wipe straight off.

These won't apply to your friend now but may help others:

• if you hve a baby girl and she wees while changing her nappy pick her up straight away - then you can usually save her clothes from getting wet. Otherwise it all travels underneath while you are trying to mop and you have to change everything. Doesn't work with boys as they just spray everywhere.

• If it's your second (or even your first) HAVE A HOME BIRTH. Much much better.

And for everyone - find yourself a friend (with children) to whose house you can invite yourself whenever you are having a bad day.

Forgot to say: make sure the friend's baby isn't sleeping through the night - that only make you feel worse. You need someome who doesn't make you feel even more useless. My best friend with DD1 had twins - so was always happy to ahve someone visit and there was no fear of me feeling like I was doing anything wrong as she obviously just had to do whatever worked to get by!

For the first week (or two, or three, or however long you need) wear pyjamas all the time. Whatever you do, don't make an effort to get dressed and presentable for visitors as that sends completely the wrong message! If you are in a dressing gown and slippers your visitors won't need any prompting to make you a cup of tea / offer to do the dishes / ask if you need any other help.

I was just about to add the same tip as FannyPriceless! A tip I got from Mumsnet itself before DS was born - I bought three new bf-friendly pairs of PJs and wore them constantly for the first 2 weeksish.

It just reminds people visiting (and DPs if nec!) that you just gave birth, wheras if you look fab in nice clothes and makeup they seem to "forget" and expect to to entertain them. It's also nice to have something new and comfy when you feel terrible!

DrDoobs "If it's your second (or even your first) HAVE A HOME BIRTH."

I'm glad that worked out for you. I hope you know how immensely LUCKY you were? For some of us on here, a home-birth would have ended in a still-birth. You took a big chance and got away with it. If I'd done that, well, let's just say I wouldn't be posting on Mumsnet now.

I took loads of photos on my phone and videos when she was tiny- my dp and I were watching them in tears last night (she'd 9months now and it does go so fast)

Sure start is excellant for meeting people- and its free!

If you have 2 cars get 2 car seats- we got a travel system one and then a 0-4years fixed in one for my dp's car. This saved so much time!

You know your baby more than everyone else and even if the doctor says she's fine if you think there's something wrong get a second oppinion- A&E won't ever shout at you/ look down on you for being over cautious.

sleepsuits for the first 3 months are all you need.

Sleeping bags are a god send.

I have a running pram and it really helped me get back in shape.

Your babies sleep routine and weight is no indication of your mothering skills- don't take problems in these areas personally- you can only do your best and it will be good enough.

Invest in a good thermometer- for your own sanity.

All the matching bedding/ changing mats/ cot bumpers and nappy stackers can be bought for a lot cheaper than mother care/ mammas and pappas- i.e. matalan.

IKEA- trust me this store will seriously save you money- the high chair is fab and the bedroom furniture is great.

Don't bother with shoes until they can walk and dresses for a baby girl are a big pita.

Regardin habits of getting babies to sleep- my dd was fed to sleep imfront of the tv for the first 8 months- this week she is now being fed before her bath and going straight off to sleep after. They will get to an age where they need to sleep for long periods.

Try your best not to compare to your friends babies- they are all different.

Be honest with your partner and more importantly yourself- if you need help ask.

Newborns are noisy sleepers - check they are actually awake before doing anything!!

Night feeding doesn't last forever even if it feels like it at the time.

Breastfeeding takes time to learn.

Infacol and cranial osteopathy really helped my son's wind.

Meet up with others with babies the same age regularly - it will save your sanity as you will realise you're not alone.

Nearly new sales will save you a fortune and a lot of the stuff is new.

Stuff the housework - sleep instead :-)

It cost us a replacment engine for the Dyson, but I second the vacuum cleaner for white noise.

Cranial osteopathy is good for colic (our babies always have a session after birth as a matter of course after DC1 had dreadful colic).

Most importantly, remember they grow up so quickly and will soon be off to sleep overs, so don't panic if things seem hard to begin with.

solongasitshealthy - you're right - I was lucky to be able to have 2 great home births. I live in an area which supports home birth really well and had quick, easy labours (2 1/2 hours for DC2 and 3). I had had one uneventful hospital labour previously and wouldn't have had a homebirth first time round.

I guess it might have been better to say consider having a home birth - I'm convinced that it was easier at home - more room to walk around etc - and therefore recovery was quicker/better. Amazing what a difference no stitches makes.

Get hubby to give a bottle last thing at night so you can get to bed early before the first night feed. I breastfed but have always done one bottle of formula from early on so I could get to bed early, a life saver when you have other children to care for.

The tip about a baby needing to sleep after 11/2 - 2 hours was also a revelation. Once you knew that they had been fed, changed and was a couple of hours since last sleep then the reason they were fretful was that they needed to sleep again!!

The more you feed in the first few days the quicker your milk comes in.

Fenugreek, great for improving quality and quantity of milk.

Slightly odd one for really new newborns - when you're handling them, count to 3. It can take a while at first for them to register your touch, which can lead to startles and crying. If you do everything in waltz time for a bit - touch left side of nappy -2 - 3, undo -2 -3, right side -2 -3, undo -2 -3 etc etc the baby (and therefore you) tends to be a lot more chilled about changing etc.

And the first time you go in/over to them in the morning - smile. Really sets the mood for the day if they know you're happy to see them

I love that comment PerArdua - smile when you first see them in the morning.

I agree with this all, always try and live for the moment, don't be thinking 'i must try and get this done or that done' whilst you are sat with baby, enjoy him/her, stare, kiss, smell fuzzy hair, enjoy the free cuddles because soon enough they will turn 3 and you'll have to beg for a cuddle (or promise a sticker!)

Find someone to text or email in the middle of the night, I have made a best friend from my 'text buddy' who was up at 2 am too with her baby, it helps to text out your frustration/worry/anger etc.

Buy a bath seat, one of those ergonimic ones that they sit back in and it has a bump to stop them sliding off, it's great and means you are hands free to wash baby etc and they last for months!

Don't let them get over tired, it's harder (much) for them to sleep if they have been awake for hours on end, as was said before 1 and half to 2 hours is max for newborns, feed, change and relax them where possible.

Internet shopping is a god send.

Sit in their room at night for 10 mins, listen to them sleep, enjoy the peace - it'll refresh your soul.

And this was the best tip I was ever given for night feeding:
For FF in the night, Take a flask of hot water to bed with a bottle ready to go half filled with cold (boiled) water, then when baby wakes top the cold water up with hot water from thermos and mix powder in and hey presto a warm bottle of formula without the kettle/microwave etc waiting - you can feed without waking baby or the rest of the household too much!

You need friends in 'pram-pushing' distance...

Haven't read all the thread, so apologies if someone has already said this....

a hot water bottle for wrapping your swaddling blanket in and placing in the cot whilst you feed your baby - then they go back into a lovely warm blanket & cot when you put them down again.

This is what helped more than anything to settle them back to sleep again.

Put Lanesol on youe elbows when they start to hurt from sitting up using them.

Always make sure you have a drink when you sit down to breast feed. You'll also need to eat loads - make the most of it.

A few drops of tea tree oil covers up the smell of stinky nappies - both real & disposable.

Sleep when they sleep if you can. The housework can go hang.

If your baby smells of off-milk, wash behind their ears - milk often drbbles down there after a feed.

Go to NCT Nearly New Sales - brilliant bargains & helping a charity. Plus excellant recycling.

If you have a baby that gets a "tomato head" when they're going to poop (usually once they've gone on to solids), use their early warning system to your advantage - get a comfy loo insert (we used a padded folding one from Blooming Marvellous) & whip off their nappy to go on the loo. We followed Granny's suggestion to do this with DD1 from 9 months, meaning very few poopy nappies & no fear of the loo later.

Keep a record of their development - not just for boasting purposes but because you forget so fast & it's useful if you have any more to give you some idea what happened when.

Get a notepad / use your phone to keep a list of reminders since the sleep deprivation frazzles your brain.

Invest in box sets / Sky Plus to pass the time during night feeds.

Fab poem by the way

Oh & the Hippy Chich hipseat - used from 4-weeks with DD2 (with my arm to support her) - saves your back, gives you a comfy safe seat to carry them on & leaves one hand free for cooking, playing with big sister. I love our fabric sling too but this is quicker to take on & off. Used it with DD1 til she was almost 2 - went shopping with that & a shopping basket on wheels (so you can walk at toddler pace without the shopping pulling your arms off) instead of a buggy.

Apologies if these have been covered.

Never forget you have done an amazing thing.

It perfectly normal to feel the need to check on the baby every 5 minutes when they are asleep, you have had nine months of carrying them about and being aware of their movements, it's a massive wrench when you're not. I had about 3 weeks of feeling nuerotic before someone pointed this out. I relaxed when I realised why I needed to do it.

Second all the points about cleaners/cleaning, b/f etc.

If you are b/f ty to drink fennel tea it is INCREDIBLE for soothing colic in baby (if you hate herbal tea, brew it strong and let it go clod then swill it straight down it's not too bad)

Walk as much as you can, fresh air it the very best tonic for tiredness.

Laugh, often.

Stick to a single baby book you trust, I stuck to one that had facts and basic care stuff in.

It will be so very, very different to how yu expect, but it rally is the most incredible thing and will outstrip your understanding of wonder joy, and the meaning for word love.

What a lovely thread

Not sure if someone else has said this, but get some breast shells (the ones you wear in between feeds), I think they really saved the bf for me. Couldn't really walk around topless all the time but with these the cracked nipples got aired out and healed in no time.

Lansinoh was great for showering, put lots on and it acts as a barrier.

Agree with someone who said co-sleep, and DH can sleep elsewhere, at least for first few weeks. Makes bf, and sleeping so much easier.

Always have water at hand, and snacks.

Some babies talk, cry and laugh out loud in their sleep, so don't pick them up straight away.

And you can't take too many pictures, or film too much, even if it's just of them hiccuping or whatever.

Congratulations to your friend MummyElk.

Best advice for stitches is to dry them with a (cool!) hairdryer after using the loo - no wiping! Stitches healed in a few days and the warm air was soothing!

Lanosil on the nips for breastfeeding (slather it on) and just curl your toes until pain eases - it does get better after a little while!

Warn your partner about baby blues - they don't get it and it seems scary to them. Tell them how to help you through so they feel they can do something.

Don't buy babygrows with buttons down the back and keep all clothes soft and simple.

Set the rules early for family (esp m-in-law)

You don't need shoes until they are at least 6 months if not more. Until then, slippers with elastic are brilliant - you can get from Mothercare, can't seem to find anywhere else.

gently clean under the neck creases - there's more rolls than you think, lumps of congealed milk get stuck and smelly!

Ignore all the people who insinuate you are complaining when they say "women have been doing it for years" just do it your way, you know best.

Fill your freezer with ready-made dinners before baby arrives.

"And get out and about with the pushchair/sling as much as possible and as quickly as possible. The fresh air will help you feel more human and will help the baby sleep."

Couldn't agree more. Babies sleep really well once they hit fresh air.

Love this thread! Some really good tips here. Mine are:

Don't get disposable maternity pants- buy Tena pants. Very embarrassing to buy but well worth it as they are comfy, you can tear them off and I never had any leaks at all.

If you can get away with it, pre warn the family that you want to spend the 1st couple of weeks mainly focusing on getting to know your baby and becoming a little family. We saw each set of parents for one brief visit each in the early days and no one else until week 3. This gave us the confidence to do things our own way. My friend had her whole family descend on them from day 2 and was wandering around Asda buying refreshments while they were all cooing over the baby- she barely got to hold him until the evening

If your baby is not a good sleeper, it is not because you are doing anything wrong! Some babies continue to wake for feeds for a long time (ds is 10 months and still wakes 2/3 times a night) despite all their parents best efforts. Look at it instead as you meeting their needs rather than being an awful parent. People can be very judgy about sleep. Oh, and you do get used to broken nights after a while. It has taken me a long time to stop beating myself up on this matter!!

I agree on principle with the introducing one bottle a night idea, but if you are desperate to bf for any length of time, make sure you only stick to the one bottle per day or your supply may suffer/baby may reject the breast.

Agreed about HVs/GPs etc not always giving the best advice. Seek a 2nd opinion if it doesn't feel right. Oh, and remember that the weight charts that they all obsess over were compiled in the 90's when most babies were ff and weaned early.

Most importantly of all, follow YOUR instincts and ignore all of this if you want!