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Siblings without Rivalry. Have just bought, read and

116 replies

120 · 21/04/2010 20:34

Was hoping to share my experiences on here with others who are suffering/have bought the book and are finding it useful!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
120Votes · 07/05/2010 18:09

am still really interested, just very tired at the moment and going to bed instead of m'netting!

teaandcakeplease · 07/05/2010 20:26

I'm still interested too and also very tired this week.

Will try and read another chapter tomorrow night.

120 · 13/05/2010 07:29

NC, where are you? Shall we do the next one?

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

NorkilyChallenged · 16/05/2010 17:12

Am here.

Have lost my way.

Do need to restart on this and have a specific question so will be back later when dc in bed.

teaandcakeplease · 16/05/2010 20:40

Hello I'm still reading this thread

Go ahead NC and share

We could take turns if it helped NC rather than the onus being on you every time?

NorkilyChallenged · 16/05/2010 21:43

Right. I've got some work to do tonight (boo) so won't do the next chapter now. I could hopefully get to the next chapter tomorrow unless someone else would like to take it?

Does anyone else have anything from the chapter 2 things to discuss/share/give as a glowing example of glorious success to me those of us who haven't quite got there yet?

Teaandcake - since you kindly asked, here's my current problem.

DD1 (3.3) is sometimes getting into a mood where she climbs on top of DD2 (2.0) and won't let go. Even if DD2 tries to walk/crawl away or shake her off. Even if DD2 cries. Even if I ask her to, tell her to. Even when, eventually, I go over and physically remove her myself, she locks her hands together or grabs bits of DD2's clothing and holds on really tight so that it's a complete physical battle.

Now DD1 is smallish and DD2 is big and not afraid to stand up for herself. They like wrestling around and I try to ignore as much as I can or I would end up intervening all the time. So the rule is supposed to be "if someone cries, then you stop right away" and obviously "if mummy/daddy say so, then you stop right away". She knows this. She definitely does know it. DD2 has never actually been hurt and is sometimes not enormously bothered but finds it an understandable inconvenience to have her sister literally lying on her back and squeezing her round the chest. DD1, who is generally much more laidback, gentle and sensitive as a personality, gets this glint in her eye and I just know she's not going to stop.

Following chapter 2, this would be (potentially) "hurtful behaviour" but it's already gone too far for "tell her with words". It doesn't seem connected to any particular gripe anyway. It's probably worse when DD1 is tired or bored but then by 4.30pm, I'm trying to cook tea and I'm tired and bored so can't really help her getting that way.

I know that I overreact to it. There is a kind of red mist about one of them possibly injuring the other one. It's also infuriating that DD1 won't listen even though I know she understands and it's about nothing that I can fathom. So I have no idea how to waylay it but especially no idea how to deal with it once DD1 is on top of DD2 and in this mood.

Cannot see the offer of a crayon so she can draw her feelings being very helpful Any suggestions?

I'll leave you with that question and prepare some powerpoint slides for a training session

teaandcakeplease · 16/05/2010 22:06

Well my DD is 2.9 and my son is 16 months, my DD and son do something similar. I confess I end up bellowing at her to "stop hurting him" if kind imploring words don't work. I then try and talk to her and explain same as you "if someone cries, then you stop right away". If she repeatedly does it, I actually send her to her room until she is ready to say sorry

If cooking dinner, I always put a video on or Cbeebies or something. Although lately I'm going back to good old slow cooker stuff where I do it early in the day whilst things are calm, so later on when things are more crazy there's only a little bit of prep to do...

So not what the book says either. I'll re-read chapter tomorrow and we can discuss

NorkilyChallenged · 16/05/2010 22:10

Thanks. Small age gap too.

They are generally in front of the telly by this time of day. It can happen at other times too.

I'm not even sure that she means to hurt her sister. I'm not quite sure why she does it tbh.

Am too tired to work so heading to bed. Will be back tomorrow though. Thanks for listening

teaandcakeplease · 16/05/2010 22:17

I don't think my DD means it either, I thinks she's just horsing about...

I too am off to bed

booksgalore · 17/05/2010 13:18

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menopausemad · 17/05/2010 13:33

Would you recommend this book to people with older children; 16 and 13? I suspect I may have missed the boat!

booksgalore · 17/05/2010 13:37

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booksgalore · 17/05/2010 13:39

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teaandcakeplease · 18/05/2010 09:45

I don't think you're too late to this thread menopause. I think we're all dipping in and out of thread at the moment as we're all too busy

Welcome welcome.

menopausemad · 18/05/2010 10:42

Thanks books - I have added it to my Amazon basket to be ordered on pay day!

Booboobedoo · 26/05/2010 11:05

Well, I've just read 'How To Talk' and 'Siblings Without Rivalry', and found 'Siblngs' particularly illuminating.

I think the sentence that really grabbed me was this one:

'Imagine that your spouse puts an arm around you and says "Honey, I love you so much, and you're so wonderful that I've decided to have another wife just like you".

Fantastic. Completely sums up the root of most sibling rivalry, imo.

(As I mentioned when I posted a couple of weeks ago, I'm pregnant with my second, but this is something I'm worried about, and I like to be prepared . Still following thread with interest).

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