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Parenting

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Original poster

would you say something if you saw a baby without a hat in this weather in the park?

211 replies

Turtle35 · 14/07/2005 20:59

not sure if it was the baby's mother maybe it was a nanny but the baby was crawling in the park without clothes on and NO hat it was probably 30 degrees today in London, I was so cross I left. Should I have said something? I know it's none of my business but...

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fqueenzebra · 14/07/2005 22:11

ooh, what thread, spidermama, what have i missed?

spidermama · 14/07/2005 23:08

I'd rather not say, lest it should rise up the headliners again and re-get my goat.

hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 23:11

FQZ, to get a tan you need to sit in the sun. If I do this with untanned "thin" skin (would be interested to know where you got this info, btw), even with suncream on, I burn. So how would I make my skin "thicker" and tanned?!

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sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:17

ok this makes me cross that people still think a tan is a good thing. Please read :this
7 people in my family have died from skin cancer. if i could i would be handing out hats at the gate of every park and spatter gunning ever baby and child with factor 11000. but I can't so i am giving you the rational version. freckles are a sign of sun damage!
tanning is a sign of skin damage and the more times you burn the higher the risk of melanoma.
Find shade
put on a hat or stay indoors if you can't be bothered to put the cream on.

sorry it's my thing. i do restrain myself in public. but it makes me mad.

WestCountryLass · 14/07/2005 23:18

My DD won't wear a hat but I cover her in cream, all over her head and everything.

If she was crying I might have said 'aww sweetie, getting hot and bothered are you, I know the feeling' and hoped the Mum took the hint. Sunblock is one thing but it doesn't prevent heat exhaustion/dehydration kwim?

sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:19

sorry it has moved:
sunsmart

MamaMaiasaura · 14/07/2005 23:25

Personally I dont think it was any of your business. At the end of the day you didnt know them from adam and it seems that you were making assumptions.. and when people disagreed you inflamed it further for us to say what you wanted to hear imo. You know it was none of your business and that you over reacted by leaving and am trying ot justify your actions.

spidermama · 14/07/2005 23:32

I think Turtle had good, stong and healthy protective maternal feelings. She saw what she felt was neglect, it upset her, and she wanted to share this with MN. Possibly she hoped for some support.

The angry posts which came flying in took her (and me) by surprise and she was forced onto the defensive.

She didn't intervene in the park, but if she had it would've been because of her caring, protective feelings for the baby, and not as a judgement against the mum.

Some would say it's public spirited of her!

MamaMaiasaura · 14/07/2005 23:34

see your point spidermama and to be honest hadnt read all of the posts. Maybe i shouldnt have posted tbh. I am probably just as guilty of judging other peoples parenting from time to time.

sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:34

agree sm.

spidermama · 14/07/2005 23:35

A woman once said to me, when I was carrying my baby in a back pack in the rain 'Awwwwww! put a hat on her.'

I knew my baby was fine. It was summer. In fact she was laughing at the time and enjoying the rain.
However, I felt no animosity whatsoever towards the woman. On the contrary, I felt warm towards her for having the guts to express her care for my baby.

MarsLady · 14/07/2005 23:36

Nope cos my little darlings always throw their hats away!

kcemum · 14/07/2005 23:40

Totally agree with sorrel, a tan is not healthy, it is a sign of skin damage.

Turtle, I get wound up when I see young children out in direct sunlight on hot/warm days without hats , clothes etc but i realise that it can be virtually impossible to keep hats on them if they don't want to wear them.

QueenOfQuotes · 14/07/2005 23:43

Just found this as well (relavant for all of those of us with mixed race children) Just because it's 'rare' in the UK doesn't mean we shouldn't protect our children (even my DH puts on Suncream in the English summer)

"Those with darker skins can get the disease. But they have more natural protection. Black people can get malignant melanoma. This is relatively rare in the UK. But worldwide, one in five cases of malignant melanoma is diagnosed in a black African or Asian person."

sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:47

thank you QOQ.

hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 23:48

As for the thicker skin with a tan - really? Your skin actually develops extra layers when it has a tan?

I've heard other people say it "toughens up" with a bit of a tan. They're not people I've ever heard say anything else sensible though.

Fran1 · 14/07/2005 23:49

Some days my dd will wear a hat, some days she won't. I do not force her too, as she (like me) gets way to sweaty in hats and overheats.

It is healthy to get a small amount of sun, we don't have to be obsessive about this. And i think it is unfair to shoot anyone down who dares say they don't put suntan every second they are in the sun.
Different skins cope differently ( i know this doesn't rule out getting skin cancer at all) but it does mean there are different needs for each skin type.
My dd is white but has dark mediteranean skin and i have hardly used an inch of suncream on her this year.
If we were going to be at the beach all day of course i would put it on. But for short half hour bursts playing in the garden, in the shade, with t-shirt on - no i am not going to obsessively smother her in suncream.

No, as i think you have now realised, you shouldn't have said anything to the mother you saw today. For all you know she could have put suncream on before they came out, and if they were only out for an hour there would be no need for her to have applied anymore. Lucky girl finding time to sit down and have a beer, thats all i'd think!

sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:49

hogwash. it makes you old and wrinkly.
UVA= aging
UVB = burning

sorrel · 14/07/2005 23:50

sorry Fran - crossed posts

kgc · 14/07/2005 23:59

my under fives would never wear hats would be off in a second although my 6 year old would....put sun screen on all tho.......my other three hate hats and throw them off straight away.....i think when they are older they learn to tolerate/enjoy it more....

QueenOfQuotes · 15/07/2005 00:04

interesting to note the website this is on - aimed at the black/mixed race community......

kgc · 15/07/2005 00:12

QueenOfQuotes....looked at this website..very good website and one for all to read

ThePrisoner · 15/07/2005 01:04

Being in the shade doesn't mean you can't get sunburnt - I have a couple of friends who learnt this the hard way with their non-crawling babies.

eidsvold · 15/07/2005 03:07

I would not have said anything as I have a dd ( almost 3) who hates wearing hats... I can put one on her and by the time I look back at her - it is gone. Have a niece who hates clothes - same diff. We are in Aus so it is very important to be sun protected BUT if they won't keep it on - there is nothing you can do. You don't know - the child may have had lots of sunscreen on.......

and fwiw ( my very humble opinion) when are we going to stop as a society be sooo judgemental about people..... her decision. You are always going to be out and about and see parents who do not parent as you do. The fact she was having a beer with her mate - has nothing to do with whether the child had a hat on or not... hardly vital information. Dare not say something as she looks like she would punch you - for goodness sake..... how judgemental can you get!!!!! Gosh I thought we had moved beyond judging people by what they looked like!!!

Live and let live - bloody hard enough being a parent without society - esp. other mothers - criticising everything you do.

Probably better that you left rather than staying cross about it.

nutcracker · 15/07/2005 08:13

No I wouldn't say anything.

We had the dd's sports day yesterday on the field in blazing sunshine. Ds was smothered in sun cream but would not keep his hat on for longer than 5 minutes.

I wouldn't of been happy if someone had said anything to me about it.

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