I am the most stupid mother on this planet :(

[Neel1411]

I jammed my LO's finger in the morning in the bathroom door . I didnt even check he was there. I am so stupid. Feeling so guilty ....

DH made me feel worse .. said it happens only with me. He always falls when I am around. I think my reflexes dont work on time ... I try so hard to watch LO, but something always happens ... and that too because of me ...

Sorry rant over.

Do not worry, it happens.
Is it possible that it happens with you because he spends a majority of time with you?
Seriously, little ones hurt themselves all the time, and some are more accident prone or more curious than others.
My dad pinned my sisters nappy to her once and didn't notice til the next change, and my mum slammed my sisters hand in a car door.

One of mine ran directly into a wall and split her head open, and another ran into a steel post because she was looking backwards.

Please please don't beat yourself up. It happens to all of us.

Sometimes I think hindsight can make us feel like we should have predicted an accident or even that we did something intentionally. It was an accident. I don't think there is a toddler alive who hasn't had a few of them.

Also do you happen to spend more waking time with LO than DH? Of course accidents are more likely to happen with you if that's the case...

Yes - what everyone has said! It's natural to feel bad, but totally unfair of your dh to say what he did. That's the big problem here - not your parenting!

I dont know if its me or my luck! I do spend more time with LO but not more than my MIL who is with him all day coz I work full time. Both DH and MIL team up to say how he falls everytime I am there and that I lack presence of mind.

I am feeling really guilty today. The last time I felt like this was when I delivered LO. I couldn't push him out and finally had a vacumm assisted delivery which left LO with oxygen deprivation and 12 hours in NICU. DH was heartless and he blamed me for everything (I still cannot forgive myself for not pushing hard enough). I had bad depression which led me to almost divorce DH. I dont know if I am ever going to come out of this guilt. Living with it is killing me everyday.

that's awful that your DH blames you and that your MIL helps him bully you. You had a bad birth experience, it was not your fault!

I caught dd's skin in a zip the other day. She gave out such a scream of pain it was awful.

I think a lot of us feel guilt about our dc and even if there is no reason to, we invent reasons. I know I do anyway.

I don't have any advice to offer about the birth problems but there will be people on here who will be able to identify with you and hopefully will come along.

I tend to feel guilty about dd or that I'm not a good mother when I'm anxious about other stuff.

Your dh should not be undermining you like this. He really shouldn't. Tell him to stop.

How old is your ds?

DS is 18 months old. Loves me to bits and trails behind me everywhere I go! Didnt notice he was right behind me with his hand by the door hinges when I closed the door (was in a hurry to leave for work). I am so thankful to god that it was minor. I know it could have been worse.

Well ... worst is MIL was watching and she shouted "His finger" when I realized and stopped. But had jammed his finger slightly already

Oh dear I feel so sorry for you. Its awful to feel guilty like that, and you sound so low in your posts. You must try not to dwell on the birth, how can it be your fault? I had a section because I did not dilate - it would be awful if I started blaming myself for that. Accidents happen, and often a lot worse than jamming a finger in a door! Please try to be kind to yourself.

There you go - your ds loves you to bits and that says all anyone needs to know about your parenting. Maybe your MIL is jealous, so tries to undermine you?

Accidents are called accidents and not 'on purposes'. You did not do it deliberately.

More worrying is the fact that your husband blamed you for your bad birth experience. And that his mother joins him in bullying you. That is totally unreasonable.

Did you speak to anyone about the birth trauma - I mean the trauma that you suffered and not your DS. Lots of babies have a short stay in NICU after birth.

I jammed DS1's finger in the outside door the other day, luckily he had mittens on and his fingers seem fine, but i felt so awful.

DS2 was an em c-s as he was undiagnosed breech - was that my fault? you cannot blame yourself for the birth experience, from what i understand it's not about how hard you want to push, your body will do that for itself if it can, he was probably in a weird position or something.

Your DH & MIL need to stop what they're doing right now, it's horrid.

Your husband sounds like a total git to be honest!

Accidents happen, if you had done it on purpose you would be the worse parent in the world.

I would be having serious words with my DH if he treated me the way yours is treating you and also that he allows his mother to bully you too.

Accidents happen, honey. Thankfully mostly any injuries sustained are minor, as in this instance.

Your dh sounds like he can be very mean and unreasonable. Are you sure he's good enough for you?

Neel, I echo what other posters have said, please don't blame yourself, my two boys have had accidents often, whilst I was "on duty".

YOu do need to address why your DH and MIL think that undermining your confidence and making you feel shit about your birth experience and general parenting is OK. Because it isn't OK, as you say your little boy adores you, you obviously adore him, they should stop this bullying.

FWIW I had two ventouse deliveries and with DS1 was pushing for literally hours before the ventouse, no amount of my pushing was getting him out. That wasn't my fault, like it wasn't yours. Please seek some medical reassurance about this.

One if these days this is going to happen with my dd - she's always putting her fingers where they could be trapped.

I'm sure if it's me that does it I'll feel guilty, because you do as a parent when your lo gets hurt.

But it is not at all ok that your dh and his mother gang up on you and bully you in this way.

It's bad for your son as we as for you, and in their case it is deliberate.

You must take steps to remove yourself and your son from this poisonous situation.

Start with paid chikdcare.

Thanks everyone. You all make me feel so much better ...

@TheApprentice - Yes ... it is a case of competition in my house. "Who looks after DS well" competition. DH never fails to compare. No doubt MIL looks after DS really well ... but putting me down at every step is not helping me really.

@MmeLindt - No I did not. Didnt even know I suffered from depression until I came out of it. Just thought I was being moody. And others thought I was being difficult.

@TubbyDuffs - DH loves DS more than anything in this world. Not sure if he even loves me 10% of that . His logic is "He is a baby he doesnt understand, where did your brains go?" And I tend to agree with it. Just that he could have helped with a little more compassion.

take a stand honey! do not let mil rule the roost she is a grandparent that helps out. no one can love lo like you. i had the same guilt feelings to do with not pushing. felt like i had failed as a woman. thankfully my dh was very supportive. get your husband on side and also is it worth cutting down a bit on working hrs to spend extra time with lo?
the falls could be he misses you and gets over excited when you're about and thats why he stumbles. i too have mil issues when it comes to my ds upbringing but i am strong now and can speak up.
could you still be suffering a little with depression?

DH can be very unreasonable at times. Especially when it comes to DS. So much so that I am scared to take my own son on a short trip out of the country! I am scared he may fall sick or fall down and DH would get absolutely pissed off on me and our relationship will go for a toss. I really have sleepless nights thinking of this.

I sound miserable dont I?! Well I wasnt particularly quiet when he blamed me for being careless. I gave him my piece of mind. But I just cant get over it! Guess I am my own enemy!

Oh pet, your DH sounds like an arse

Your DH's lack of support / love during & after traumatic birth experience would depress anyone. I am sorry. I had a v traumatic deliviery, in which DS ended up being dragged into the world using forceps and he now carries a 2" scare on his cheek to show for it. I did wonder if there was anything that I could of done differently during labour (if I could of given birth better, iyswim). I look at his beautiful face everyday (he's 6 now) and thank god that we survived.

What I guess I am trying to say is, I understand how you feel re the delivery of you DS. BUT, my DH sat with me and cried, for what I had gone through and what our wee man must of suffered. I wouldn't of coped without the support & love of my DH - and it brings tears to my eyes to think you dealt with those feelings alone.

As for the accident .... it is exactly that (as others have said) AN ACCIDENT ! please please don't beat yourself up over this.

Once again I have managed to post without giving any constructive advice.......sorry - just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. xxxx

I can't believe what I've read from the OP. Your husband blames you for not pushing hard enough? He thinks your brains have gone? How dare he?

I am quite sure you gave it everything you could; if you needed assistance it sure as hell won't be because you didn't try hard enough.

It does sound as though you have a a bit of depression hanging around, have you been to see a doctor about it? It might help a bit.

But you also need to decide whether or not you're happy to continue your life with a man who treats you like a second class citizen. He and his mother sound absolutely awful. Abusive and rude.

Don't let them treat you like this. You can't possibly deserve it.

Hi Neel, I am sad to read your post. Your son loves you so much and yet you are feeling so underconfident.

I have a few ideas;

Have you tried divide and rule approach? Get your MIL and talk to her about how your DH is ruining your confidence - and vice versa. Then see if anything improves.

Secondly, you are the boy's mum, and you can look after him perfectly well, if not better than anyone. No-one is perfect and if he falls over a bit more when you are there, then maybe it's because you aren't supervising him and hanging over him the whole time - and I think that's a GOOD thing, cause babies love to explore and be independent.

Thirdly, put yourself in charge. It sounds as if you are feeling third in line to your son's care, and this isn't right. You're his mum and you're the BEST person placed to look after him. Is the arrangement agreeing with you working full time? Do you have to? Would it be possibly for your son go to nursery a few days instead to adjust the balance? Maybe going on holiday is a good idea at least so that you can get some confidence back that you are a good mum. Obviously you will take good care of him and chances are he won't have a terrible accident.

I know how hard it is to sit down and talk about all these things especially when you're trying not to rock the boat, but get friends involved and try and mention a few things to your partner. He mustn't make you feel shit about yourself, your baby or your arrangement.

Lastly, see if you can laugh the thing off with your DH ... I'm always having accidents with my babies. I am a bit absent minded, but I like to say that my kids are nice and relaxed when I am around, as I do not jump whenever they are in danger. I wait a bit (if I notice haha). My DH always says I should take more care and I try and laugh about it, saying not everyone can be as perfect as him! If he went on about it too much, I'd have a go.

Be strong. You are number one!

i think the problem here isnt your ds accident with the door its your dh

he isnt supporting you he is making you feel awful this needs addressing yes he loves your child but your not going to be hurting him purposely and if he loved you he would understand that not blame you

ive had many accident with my ds had traumatic birth although myself and dp dont always get on he was so supportive my ds has fallen on wood floor had lump size of egg on his head in my care , fell on wood floor split his chin open ,

fell off sofa as a baby and rolled off bed not once did dp make me feel worse than i already did or blame me

has your relationship recovered since the wanting to divorce , are you staying just for ds, is everything else fine between you as i think this is what needs a addressing you are doing nothing wrong but his reactions to you are keep your chin up your doing good

@Northumberlandlass - You just brought back all the memories. I am in tears thinking of it. And your DH is such a great husband. I cannot think of having another child just coz I dont want all this to happen again. I wont survive it.

DH did apologize for everything at a later stage and said he was too emotional and was heart broken that his little child had to suffer so much just after arriving into this world. It took him 1 year to say that though. The damage was already done. After that incident I am paranoid (for the lack of a better word) about LO. Anything small only brings back memories and the torture I went through. I just want LO to grow up soon.

does he think you didn't feel exactly the same? plus a helping of guilt!