Staying for the children's sake

[thehappyparent]

There are many valid reasons why some parents have no option but to leave the family home. But for those who are simply unhappy with their marriage, leaving may not be necessary in order for them to find happiness. Indeed, leaving is not even a guarantee of finding happiness.

Being a parent has been the most fulfilling aspect of my life. I cannot imagine any other experience bringing me more happiness.

Having decided to stay in my bad marriage in order to provide my children with the best upbringing I could provide them with, I found that my happiness in life came from seeing them grow into two wonderful, well-adjusted adults.

Staying may not be the right solution for everyone, but it can be for many who feel 'stuck' in their unhappy marriage.

If you can love your child more than you love yourself you can find fulfilment that only comes from being a parent. That's not to say that only those parents who stay are good or loving parents. Or that those who leave are unloving or bad parents. I'm not saying that at all.

What I am saying is that in many cases, staying in the family home really can work for both parents and the children. And that true happiness can still be found, regardless of the marriage not being perfect or very fulfilling.

My children are both glad that I stayed.

So am I.

Ah.....of course.

i wonder is Unhappy parent(wife) has a book out
"the years i wasted on that tosser"

if not is

OK. You've got your way. I'm out of here. Well, done. Happy parenting.

Yeah, except she probably can't afford to indulge her delusions of being a writer because she's got 3 part-time jobs to pay the 15 year term mortgage on a studio flat.

if the two could be told together, you know you turn the book upside down and back to front and have his and hers version of events, that would be worth a look! might pay a euro for that if i saw it in a charity shop.

are you going to come back again in a fortnight though?

I LOVE it when a troll feels the need to come back and TELL everyone they are off. "Sniff sniff, we'll you've got what you wanted, you've made me run for the hills, I hope you're all happy now!" etc etc. Because they know full well if they just piss off and stop posting, no-one will give a monkeys, or even really notice.

Steve, like clam I had no idea who you were either. I now also think you're an arse. AND I'm currently making my relationship work as best I can for the sake of my DS! I should be agreeing with you - but I still think you're an arse

Shall I stop poking the troll now? Shame, there's nothing on telly...

I know a couple of people whose parents did this.

Both as soon as youngest child had gone to university.

They were both told their parents had stayed together for the sake of the kids.

Were they pleased? No

Both have big problems with trust now as a result of their parents lying to them about the state of their relationship. 'Pretending to love each other' in their opinion. These parents didn't fight constantly, appeared to get on well. How could they know that their parents really loved them? Their parents were obviously very good at lying and hiding their true feelings. It has caused huge amounts of issues.

Oh and also having the family home disappear as soon as they (temporarily) left home didn't help.

Most people I know whose parents seperated when they were younger coped better.

Then there are those, like me, whose parents are still together but have spent their entire kids life times screaming and shouting at each other, treating each other with scorn and never once being loving towards each other. This was a great atmosphere to grow up in

I don't doubt that divorce/seperation does hurt children but I think in many cases it is better than the alternative.

Is it bad form to ask who this man is, and how I've never come across him before?

I didn't know he was called Steve but this is about the fifth thread he or his 'friend' have started about this topic, some of which have been straight plugs, others of which have tried to be a little more subtle, like this one. MNHQ have pulled them all though I think

Do you think your children are being really honest with you? Maybe it's hard for them to say to you 'actually we would have been fine if you split' because it seems like that is what you want to hear.

Have you considered that maybe if you did split the kids would have been fine as well, and they'd tell you how happy they were you split. They don't know any different, do they?

I think you may be being a little naive.

I suppose it also depends upon why the marriage is unhappy? I honestly think it is so weird to live a lie. Maybe you need to reclassify your marriage as not an unhappy one, but maybe a mildly boring one. Or one that lacked passion. A passionless/boring marriage is not the same thing as an unhappy one.

I am new on MN am quite nervous to comment on a post, as havent before, but I just wondered if this person might be intending to write another book - maybe from the opposite point of view and maybe all your very articulate and relevant views might end up being material for the new book.

Sorry if you think this is a stupid idea.

helmar (welcome to MN, by the way), I completely agree with you

he is gathering copy, as he did with all his previous forays into MN

we are getting quite famous now, and there have been a few journalists gathering comments for an article, or whatever

no need to be nervous (you aren't being put off by any silliness on other threads are you ?)

the only people who get a hard time on MN are those who deliberately post with the intention of inflaming/hurting/just generally winding vulnerable people up

and they are usually very easy to spot

Thanks for your welcome, yes i was put off by what i had seen on other threads - glad you are not all like that.

we are not (not all time anyway )

thehappyparent Sadly, this site is starting to get a reputation for witch-hunts, it's not a very well monitored Forum in this respect and I'm sure it's reputation must affect their advertising revenue. The women on here are particularly dismissive of any male members (OO-eer!) posting and will generally be less than compassionate just based on your sex. You're better off on other parent and baby forums, whether you want to plug your book or not.

...and anyone who thinks journos don't use the site to gather copy is being very naieve

Do I know you?

Don't want to appear childish, oh daughter of Steve but he started it.

< yawn >

Anyfucker, you have mail

cybokinetic, assuming you are not really your dad in disguise, how does your MOTHER feel about all this? Is she happy? Did she even know about agree with the plan to do this? To me that is key. Maybe if we could hear her point of view, we might be more open to debate?

Same prose style. Tis Steve.