Letting a four year old go to the shops unaccompanied?

[wonderingwondering]

DS is 4.5, starts Reception in September. We live 200 yards from our local shop, where they know DS. Today, I thought about letting him go to the shop on his own. We live on a busy road, but there's a wide pavement, and he wouldn't have to cross the road. He's quite sensible.

He seems very young, but he's quite capable of going in to a shop and buying things on his own - he's done that, while I wait outside or in the car, for a year or so now. Is he too young to walk there and back on his own?

Fennel, that is really it - I'd let him walk along to when I couldn't see him, and then nip along to watch the shop door, then let him walk back to me.

He really wouldn't run in the road. He absolutely would not. We have walked that route every day since he was one. So I was left with a) 'stranger danger' (which can happen at any age, and as I said, I'd be watching and/or he'd be in the shop with people who know me and him) and b) pressure on him as reasons not to do it.

At what age would it be OK?

My DD is 7y and TBH I am not sure even then I''d send here alone. And she is sensible, I just don't need my 7y to be independent in that way. Certainly wouldn't have required her to be at 4y.

wondering - I really would not be so sure he wouldn't ever go into the road. There is always that chance. there really is. Which is why there are so many young children injured.

6 or 7, depending on the child.

But you can't say a 4-year-old absolutely won't run in the road. Sorry. But even the most precocious 4-year-old is still, neurologically, going to be lacking in certain areas, and risk aversion/sense of danger is one of the last to develop.

I think I read somewhere that children learn to appreciate risks/danger at around age 7 and not before, but I suppose it depends a bit on your child and the situation.

But I do think that 4 year olds are too young to be aware or even predictable.

A 4y hasn't yet developed the sense of distance and speed either, which makes even the potential of going near a busy road a mine field.

I hope you are right but I think you are being a bit naive to think there is nothing that would make him go into the road.

He is 4 for Pete's sake.

Some 4 year olds are in nappies.

Let him be a kid and stop being in such a rush to grow up.

Where do you live...Snow White's woods? Where is safe enough to even contemplate letting a four year old do this...no,no and no, never. Just my opinion

I tell you what would stop me doing this (if I ever wanted to which I don't).

We live on a main road, next to a riverside path. When my youngest was 3/4 and we had picked up the other children from school, he would run ahead of us up the riverside path and emerge on the pavement of the main road. Our house is right there, no need to cross road, just a short walk along the pavement to our drive. I lost count of the funny looks I got from passersby and drivers as they saw this little boy seemingly on his own emerging from the riverside walk onto the main road. One lady driver even screeched to a halt once and made to get out of her car to run after my ds, until she realised I was behind him.

Do you really think the sight of a 4 year old boy walking along a busy road on his own would not cause endless consternation in passersby and motorists?

N O !

My neighbours 4 yr old walks to the shop on his own [crap at yardage but about 2 min walk]

I don't think I would let my DD who is 4 now, because she would have to cross the road
but I can't see anything wrong with your scenario of watching him on one side and then crossing to the other if it is something he would enjoy doing.

I think the thing I would be worried about was the police driving by or somebody stopping because they were concerned he was wondering or lost and then you really would have to leg it up the road to see if he was ok

'pretty much all the way' means not all the way, so out of sight at some point?

I have let ds go and get his own drinks, ask for the bill in a restaurant, buy different things, since he was 3.5. Never ever out of my sight.

He is a very mature just turned 5 yr old. Loves his 'independence' but in reality it is completely non-existent and will remain so for several years yet.

And the shopkeepers aren't there to keep an eye on him.

Imagine if the worst happened and the shopkeepers saw it, then felt guilty for not doing what is your job: doing your best to keep him safe until he's more adequately equipped to do it himself.

OK. I can see he's young. It's not me trying to push him, it just seemed a natural extension of what we already do - him going in on his own.

Am not completely feckless, despite the reaction here! But I have taught him to be road-conscious from as soon as he could walk, and he does behave very responsibly around the road. So in so far as you can ever rely on a child, of any age, I'd pretty confident about that.

Anyway. He won't be going on an unaccompanied shopping trips any time soon.

Sorry I can't live my life thinking what if a car mounted the pavement very unlikely your reflexes would be quick enough to be able to do anything if a car mounted the pavement when you were with him

ww, I get your point about it being an extension of what you already do. My DD would go off to fetch things (in my sight) and as an extension of that she has just started going into the next aisle without me. Although I keep in contact with her by chatting etc

I'm flummoxed. What's the rush? There's plenty of time for all that. The most sensible 4 year old in the world is still mainly governed by impulse - as others have said, something exciting on the other side of the road, or if your DS is a kindly sort, a little old lady struggling with a bag - ANYTHING could make him hop on over with little heed.
Yikes, it doesn't bear thinking about.

So are you all actually holding onto your 4yos at every moment on a wide pavement near a busy road? I didn't at that age, they were closeish but not always being held, and not always with me between them and the road - but when my oldest was 4 I had a 2yo and baby so we'd have been- in order from the cars to the far side of the pavement, 4yo, me and buggy, 2yo, even if all holding on, so 4yo would have been closest to the road.

and often my 4yos would be a few metres ahead or behind. Not always held tight. I thought that was quite normal. So a car mounting the pavement would possibly hit one of my children even if I were right there and keeping a fairly close eye on things.

Fennel - no I didn't hold DD's hand all the time. My concern were not of cars mounting the pavements.

I don't think the car mounting the pavement scenario is the issue (as you say, fennel, that could happen - and has - when a parent was right there) - it's more the risk of a small child being distracted by a friend across the road & legging it across with no-one there to yell "STOP!!!"

And even on a busy road, although I'm not normally a paedophile-spotter, the Sarah Payne case crosses my mind...

Fennel, that was part of my thinking. He does wander along that bit of pavement ahead of us, or on his scooter. He would not cross the road, and the bit he'd be out of my sight on (from my home) is very, very wide with cars parked between the pavement and the active road, so he couldn't run in the road from there.

But I think the deciding factor for me is that someone might approach him to see if he is OK, and I think he might struggle with that.

Out of interest, (not critisism), why has the idea of him going to the shop on his own, albeit with you watching, even crossed your mind?

I genuinely don't think it would have crossed mine wrt a 4.5yo.

Independence at this age is learning to tie his own shoelaces, pour his own cereal without spilling, choosing some of his own clothes and books, feeding a goldfish and helping clean it out. Going to the shop is a very unnecessary risk.

200 yds is not next door either. Should he get pushed over by older kids for his money or bag of shopping, you couldn't reach him in for at least 30 seconds (unless you're Linford Cristie ).

I hold my 4 year old whenever we are near a road with cars as I just won't take the risk.

It isn't about convenience! More about him developing and becoming confident in his abilities.