DD 10 has been looking at porn.

[taxiservice]

I'm devastated. She did an innocent search after dh had downloaded a new browser (mozilla). Found out she has been looking at horrible stuff.

oh no, poor you (and her)

Really feel for you taxi, I dread the day this happens to me.

We found out a couple of days ago and I've been absolutely gutted about it. Never felt it would affect me this way - she's lost her innocence for the sake of some stupid internet browser.

She looked at some cartoon stuff by mistake but then did a search a couple of days later. The past two nights she's been telling me she has bad thoughts in her head and hasn't been using the internet.

Sorry for blurting but there's no-one I can talk to about this - I feel I should warn friends parents but it would just attract more attention to the problem. I've been spending close time with her and trying to help her to block out the "bad thoughts" as she describes them. We haven't been specific or detailed about it at all - I'm not sure whether to be completely clear or whether it's best to be a bit more enigmatic about it. I can't say to her it's not real, but I can't say to her it's normal either.

Why don't you have the parental control add on?

I can't say I've ever had a problem like this to deal with before. I've always protected her from the after 9 TV, even certain programmes when she was little. So how can one innocent search blow away all that protection?

I have no idea how it will affect her. My only experience was when I was little and seeing a copy of playboy at a friend's house once. That was traumatic enough, god knows how she feels after seeing this.

I don't know who to blame - me for not keeping an eye? Him for not protecting the pc? Google? Mozilla?

Would you think about contacting the NSPCC to get her some counselling? My foster daughter has this due to things she has seen/had happen to her. Helps her process her anger and fear.

Mollie as I said dh downloaded a new browser Mozilla. The search engine Google has a safesearch option but it wasn't on - probably something to do with the new browser?

Laurie that's a really good idea. I'll have at their site. I do feel out of my depth.

(namechanged to protect dd)

This happened to me this week taxi , was amazed to see your post. DD (10) was sent links through MSN, couldn't access them through our main PC, so used DH's when he wasn't paying attention (which doesn't have the child safety settings). I found it all in the history. Some of it so innocent 'how do you make babies?' to well...other stuff.

I can't help looking at her and feel she's lost her innocence.

I did talk to her though,in a round-a-bout way and she was very embarrased. I said not to feel too bad because if DH & I had the internet when we were young we'd have probably tried to do the same at some point. But I did stress that sex is not like that, that it's more special than that and involves love and committment.(We've already had to talk about certain things as she's an early developer)

I'm still gutted though tbh.

I really feel for you. I can still remember some horrible stuff I saw more than 30 years ago.

This is what I mean. Not that it can undo the harm and you have my sympathy there. It is so important that if you are altering settings that you get everything you usually have, like parental controls. I think Mozilla Firefox is a far safer browser as far as trojans etc are concerned but still need to activate parental controls.

A D
I think we're right to feel so bad about it, I tried to put it to dh that it's like her walking into a room full of people having sex. She was a general all-round normal 10 year old girl having had the basic sex ed at school and a few silly jokes. Now she's not the same girl.

How is your dd about it now?

I wonder if there's anything we can do to help them?

TF
Thanks for your honesty!
I suppose my experience was different - I hated the thought of sex when I learnt at school, was repulsed by it. My own experience was a slow gradual one which probably started when I was about 14.

Depends what sort of 'horrible' stuff you're talking about. If normal sex then just explain that's what adults do.

If you mean horrible as in really bad (like abuse) then you could talk to her gently about it. Try not to wince or get emotional and explain it appropriate to her age. If there's stuff you can't explain then say some of it's pretending, some of it's like a film and done with make-up. Acknowledge gently that some people do things to hurt others.

It's not possible to take the images away but you can lesses the impact by talking about it a little.

I think the biggest problem with porn to a child is that it's very shocking, grunty and violent looking (even normal sex).

I would say to her that people are making those faces for the cameras and acting it up, like acting scared or pretending that they are enjoying it.

I think you need to get a perspective on this: by treating it as though your DD has suffered a terrible contaminating trauma you risk doing her lasting damage.
SHe has seen some pictures. She has not been assaulted.
If you react as though she has seen something a bit silly that some grownups like to do, and that it's not a big deal, then she can put it behind her and get on with her life. If you make it into the Terible Thing that Happened, then she will fret about it indefinitely and start thinking that she did something bad, and maybe she's a bad person... etc.

Reading some of these replies has made me feel a bit better actually, and you I hope taxi?

I remember being quite prurient myself from about 8 onwards but of course no internet just my aunties Jackie Collins books!

LaurieFairycake, some of it was just straight forward sex, but there was a bit of oldman&teen and multiple bukkake - which is not really what I want her to think sex is all about.(I might try that idea of likening it to a film, great suggestion)

I made sure the convo I had with dd came across as casual and in no way made her feel bad. When we first started talking I think she was expecting a telling off but I didn't want to make her feel guilty that's why I pointed out to her that that kind of curiosity is natural, but that child controls are there for a reason as there are many things -not just sexual- on the internet that she is just too young to deal wth.

She is fine now taxi. It's not an ideal situation but the feeling I had of her being altered for ever is starting to fade. Hope it does for you too .

I'm glad you posted again AccessDenied. It's good it was just normal sex she saw, easier to explain. If she described the bukkake to me I might say something like "I wonder if they were weeing". So not to confirm that they were orgasming but also not to deny it in case she wants to talk about it again.

I hope taxi comes back and that her child has not seen anything too bad - 'horrible' could mean much worse than what your daughter saw and I hope that's not the case. Some things are very hard to explain in an appropriate way - just saying it's what adults do can feel very alienating for a child as it's so far from their experience.

Really glad your daughter's ok.

Thank you Lauriefairycake ,

She was so embarrased that she didn't want to discuss all the details. I've encouraged her to come and talk to me about it, if once she's over the embarrasment there are things she still wants to ask.

I just re-read all the posts, sorry to hear about what your foster daughter went through. You sound like a great mum.

Fingers crossed that taxi's dd didn't come across any really awful stuff.

It's fairly unlikely that a child would come across anything more than basic fuck&suck. Because to get to anything more specialised, I would have thought you generally have to know the key terms to google it. I think in some ways it's worth remembering that a lot of stuff that adults do and enjoy and care about is both boring and baffling to a 10-year-old, and if the OP's DD thinks of whatever she saw as 'oh, wierd shit that grown ups do, whatever, where's my book/dinner/Wii' then that;s probably the healthiest response and the one to be most encouraged.

I absolutely agree with SGB.
I think you are at risk of projecting your own fears and experiences onto your dd taxi.
I too had load of hormones and sexual urges at a reasonably young age and would have probably searched the internet if it had been invented!
Your dd has been looking on 2 separate occasions is that right?. I presume you've done the sex talk?