What support do you expect from your family?

[unicorn]

I think this a universal question, so hope SN thread aren't upset that I have asked it again -
over here.

I did expect a lot more support from my family (esp siblings) once I had had my kids, and was evidently not coping (as they told me)... nontheless, got zilch.

I see many peole who have had hard times with their kids/relationships etc, and yet their own family just does bog all.....

I also see great eg's of family, where there are grandparents, aunts and uncles often in evidence- but in a supportive/non intrusive/trying to help alleviate the burden type way IYSWIM.

I hanker for the latter.

It sounds strange to say the DM is wrapped up in herself because she volunteers but she did it to get a paid job and she needed to have some experience

My mum is 82 and doesn't live in this country but is more use when we visit her than the in-laws who live 5 mins down the road. Mum is obviously now getting frail but still insists that I leave the boys with her if I am going out shopping etc and is happy to babysit in the evening if I want to see friends. In-laws on the other hand NEVER independently offer to babysit, halp out with boys etc so I've long ago given up expecting anything.

Xena... at your mum too!
Imagine helping out strangers before family!

annh - your mum sounds such a sweetie

My MIL babysits alot when DH and I both need to work the same days and we've just started snowboarding so she's looked after dd then for us as well which we really appreciate. My mum lives 50 miles away and works full time but comes down to see us every week and babysits when she can.

My cousin recently split up with his DP and they have a ds who is 4. The XDP still lives in the house they had which is 2 miles from my Nanna's house. Anyway my Nanna had offered to look after their ds when the XDP is at work, pick him up from Nursery and wait at home etc but she has to walk there and back and she is 70. XDP has recently started to take the p**s with it and gets my Nanna to look after ds while she goes and gets her hair, nails done and goes shopping. I hate that and she shouldn't expect that it will be done for her.

Apologies for the name. It's Coppertops fault!

Sorry unicorn, I didn't see this and have started a similar thread - didn't mean to thread-steal

Oh my post is here. I thought it had been deleted! Sorry hi-jack and panic over!

And sorry again I posted on the wrong thread, it was meant for twigs thread.

I know a woman with a very responsible job with long hours. Her husband works 1/3 of her hours and earns a lot less. Her mother looks after their kid, but when he gets in from work, he leaves the kid there until his wife gets in from work!! In other words, has a lovely relaxing evening watching tv and buggering about on his computer while his wife earns the money and his mother looks after his kid!!

Sounds like he's acheived what many want, Moondog!

Well... none to be honest. They live too far away.

Our family also live a way away as we are not in uK atm, but do come for short visits. Had hoped for more from mil in particualr. She used to be a Reception school teacher and , having shared our concerns about keeping ds up to speed with Uk curriculum, had hoped she might have offered more support and encouragemnet to him. Unfortunately ahsn't really been forthcoming and we've had to ask repeatedly for what little we have had . aslo when they come over or we visit them any babysitting is somehwat begrudging, even though they look afetr sil's kids at least one day a week (have done since their births) and overnight.

I am surprised how little help so many get from family - I always thought it was just us!!
We get none.
Haven't seen in-laws since our wedding day (6 years ago) so they have never met their grandsons (despite numerous invites from us) They were unhappy about our wedding and are making a point (or something?)
My mum will not babysit and rarely visits.
We have never had any help with our kids from any family member. ds1 is 3, ds2 is 1 and we have another baby on the way. It's tough.
I hope I am a better grandparent one day - let's face it, it wouldn't take much to make a better grandparent than the crap three my gorgeous little boys are so unfortunate to have....

mommy D @ not seen inlaws in 6 yrs. I thought ours were dodgy at once a year !!

LIZS - MIL mad, methinks! Didn't have the wedding SHE wanted for her son (incidentally, we had the wedding WE wanted). She is apparently either waiting for an apology for this, or (heard through the grapevine) praying for our divorce. Nutter.

seems to me that there is no such thing as a 'normal' family!

I guess we all know that tho!!

Just wish we could all have families that were 'good' for us.

IYKWIM.

Oh, if only we could choose our family , the world would run much more smoothly!. Dh and I often say we would like to adopt perfect grandparents for our children !

had to reply...with dd i was single and when i did ask for help...i didn't get it....not even when my fridge went out the day before thanksgiving and all my food spoiled...not even when i was 7 months pregnant with dd and asked to use a truck ( and pay for the time ) i was turned down.....but later the truck was GIVEN to my brother...now with ds it is the same...but i am married so i don't do with out...his family hates me so i don't get help there either...my family is nice to me now, but if it means putting their self out, well i just assumed give it up....

i think my friends have put forth more effort for me...i believe in general, family isn't what it used to be....i would give everything for my family..i just wish i could recieve it...

Well I don't think I have a right to babysitting from PIL or parents.

However my mum frequently had babysitting from my Grandma and she does moan about the times Grandma was not available. She did come all the way to NZ on her own though when I was sick and needed help, and she did everything.

MIL had all 3 of hers looked after by someone else for about 6 weeks after she had had her gallbladder out. This other woman toilet trained my BIL. They lived with her and everything. She is round like a shot if anyone is sick. FIL was nowhere to be seen then and still makes some crappy excuse now (usually he gets ill too - how convenient!)

Both of them are great in emergencies, but I wouldn't expect any regular baby sitting so I could work, they have their own lives, and I have no desire to be either of them's "boss". It has to be a very special occassion for evening babysitting - a 30th party for instance. I wouldn't ask them to babysit just so we could go to the movies or out for a meal. We get a DVD or Takeaway instead.

i think we're really lucky. my inlaws live about 20 minutes away & mil has ds 1 day a fortnight & has done since i went back to work when he was 6 months old (actuallly used to be 1 day/week). she comes to our house to pick him up & they have a lovely time. fil is also pretty good in an emergency too. they will also babysit in the evenings if we ask them but i don't like to too often. sil is 10 minutes away & we see a lot of her, she has been looking after ds quite a lot for me whilst i'm pregnant.

my parents live 200 miles away, but we probably see them twice a month. mum often comes down & stays for a few days at a time & we all have a great time. she babysits in the evening so dp & i can go out. my brother is also pretty useful, very up for taking ds off by himself for a few hours. oh, & my parents have looked after ds 3 times whilst dp & i are on holiday (longest was for a week when we were in the carribbean).

i don't know any other friends who have so much support, especially from both sides of the family. both sets of grandparents are relatively young & ds likes to keep them active!

My parents have come to disappoint me over the years as well because of their capriciousness.

My mum spends at least one morning a week cleaning my brother's house for him (I kid you not, anyone else's mother do this?) and both of them generally run around after him trying to prempt his needs. He lives on his own and works full time. He is also both needy and VERY demanding (unlike me) so has conditioned them accordingly over the years.

My Dad once suggested that we get married on a Thursday because it would be cheaper and no-one would come!.

They have a life of their own and I respect that (I ask no favours of them at all re DS) but my brother and addressing his needs are primarily their main goal in life now.

All I ever wanted from them (and they live 20 minutes away) was to show my grandson some interest and for them to see him just once a week at my house or for me to be invited to theirs on a regular basis. I haven't got that I am sorry to report and it hurts; my DH is my primary support. I do not envy people who get a lot of practical or emotional support from grandparents, I say good luck to them!.

"In the washing of the water, will you take it all away
Bring me something to take this pain away".