What support do you expect from your family?

[unicorn]

I think this a universal question, so hope SN thread aren't upset that I have asked it again -
over here.

I did expect a lot more support from my family (esp siblings) once I had had my kids, and was evidently not coping (as they told me)... nontheless, got zilch.

I see many peole who have had hard times with their kids/relationships etc, and yet their own family just does bog all.....

I also see great eg's of family, where there are grandparents, aunts and uncles often in evidence- but in a supportive/non intrusive/trying to help alleviate the burden type way IYSWIM.

I hanker for the latter.

MeerkatsUnite - I have a brother a bit like that too. He's single with no children and lives around the corner from me. He takes his washing to my mother's house each weekend. She washes it, dries it, and then irons it for him. When he didn't have a car she used to go round to his flat most weekends to see if he needed a lift into town as she didn't want him to have to bike or get the bus. They actually drove past us while we were waiting at the bus-stop to go into town. Ds1 was 2 and I was heavily pregnant with ds2. Nice eh?

F*ing unbelievable Coppertop.

Incredible, in fact.

My brother (29) also gets his washing and ironing done for him, mum does his shopping and leaves it in his porch for him (he is working from home and doesn't want to be disturbed), when he goes out on the town he rings my dad at whatever time and dad goes and picks him up and drives him home. From time to time they clean his house, oh and mum cuts his grass. I used to get really peed off at this and then I realised that he will have to look after them when he's old as I will be thousands of miles away.

Bobbybob,

Hey that sounds like my Mum also!. In addition to the cleaning she also does all his washing and ironing for him (my brother who is now 35 does own a washing machine but it is rarely if ever used).

She also does his shopping for him as well.

What is it with these women exactly?. They are infact doing their sons no favours at all. With mine they've been conditioned to doing this for him - my brother says, "jump" and they reply, "how high?".

Infact they were talking about him the other days with regards to his travel plans. My Dad wondered aloud if he (brother) would like a lift to Heathrow.

Coppertop - your parents should hang their heads in shame for driving past you at the bus stop.

My brother is trying to sell his house at the moment to move in with his girlfriend - he has gently told my mother that she won't have to do his washing/shopping etc. I just wonder what the girlfriend is thinking!

I made sure I got me a nice housetrained dh.

My family gives us loads. They live 5 mins away and mum has my DD for 2 days a week, whilst I work. They help with everything - even with the washing and ironing when needed. Dad will help with the decorating, will help mow the lawn, will do anything we need doing. But the catch is, so must we! If my bro or parents need something doing, then we're all expected to pitch in and help... and we do. Everyone helps and does what they can for each other... so I helped paint my brother's house, he's just chopped down a tree for me. That's the way it works - we're family and we all have to help each other out!

The inlaws on the other hand, refuses to help anyone else out, and won't do anything for anyone except themselves. So we let them get on it with! They don't help us, we don't help them. Shame really, but that's the way they want it!

the problem with expectations is that its seldom they are lived up to. we have no - and expect no help from family. i remember my MIL saying after my first son was born and we asked her to babysit so we could go out for a drink " you made your bed now lay in it!"

funnily she ddnt say that to her other two sons when they had children.

that sentiment is quite common I reckon Custy...

My sister who has 2 grown up (17/16 yr olds) could have helped us enormously, but is very much of that opinion....

Selfish.

copertop - I know she's your mother but she's giving the rest of us a bad name!

my parents will come and stay once a month and babysit so i can go out(they live about 75 miles away) and if we stay with them they babysit so i can go out with old mates. they have never had ds overnight but say they would like to so hopefully they will soon

i think it makes a differance as to the age of your parents, mine are mid/late 50's and help out quite a lot but a friends are mid/late 70's and very rarely look after her dd-they just get too tired.

DD1's birthday yesterday (she was 3) we had a party for her invited all our nieces and nephews and parents etc close friends children and mindee children so their was quite alot in the finish. One of my cousins who we see quite reguarly (the others live far away) told me that she was expecting to see my mother there as my mother had told my aunt she was helping have had many parties for the DC's and she has never helped. I think (and DS is 7) that she has turned up to 1!! My MIL always trys to help even if she has been working in the morning.

She likes people to think she is a great mum/nan.