DD age 8 has told all her class mates Father Christmas doesn't exist

[KatieDD]

And another mother in DD's class has asked me to ask her not to say it again because they were hoping for another year of magic (her daughter is 9).
Now I am having the day from hell anyway but what would you do ?
DD has sussed it now so I cannot say he is real without looking an idiot and I always said I wouldn't lie so when she outright asked I replied that she was right but she mustn't tell her younger sisters.

Plonker that's absolutely what I object to the most, the fact that the other kids PARENTS (adults apparently) are going to make out that my DD is lying and I have spoken to my MIL and her reaction was if the teachers get involved and imply DD is lying to go nuts.

Did you read my post katie?

My children believe because they WANT to! I haven't told them that others are lying when they say he isn't real - it's their OWN conclusion.

Well that would be just plain wrong, especially if they come out of school and my DD says isn't it true mummy that FC doesn't exist, what I am I meant to say, no darling we're the liars, to avoid ruining somebody's Christmas ?
Am not saying any more about this to anyone but especially not my children, other people can manage their own kids expectations.

And actually, i couldn't give a tiny rats ass whether or not you would object to me telling them your dd was lying!

You obv feel the same as clearly you couldn't give two shits about the feelings of your dd's little peers ...

I don't care what you tell your dd katie. Truly i don't ...

Pathetic.

Why is that?

mabanana, you are so right (as usual)

I heart mabanana!

I think the fact that it is mid november, it is understandable why the mother put in this request. In mid - april - no.

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the mother asking this of your DD - it is important to her and is therefore completely valid.

Life is full of having to agree to disagrees.

The 'FC Magic' only lasts for a finite period of time and so it's completely understandable that parents try to 'buy another year' when it's so close (6 weeks away). Have a heart - memories of your kids when they're young are all you have once they've grown up.

What about what's important to me, what about the fact that my DD's self esteem is already on the floor and some cow implying she's a liar might well push her into lower depths.

mabanane is right. Why on earth are parents involving themselves iin this sort of rubbish?

It doesn't sound like she was implying that your DD was a liar and I really don't see how here request should have any impact on your DDs self esteem at all. Particularly as the request was made to you rather than to her - i.e. leaving you to handle it in a way that would be right for your DD. I think she was hoping that no more mention of it may 'sort the situation'. Fair enough. She was not asking your DD to go and apologise to the other kids for telling lies or anything mad like that - that would be unforgiveable.

Anyway - you're not being consistent - if it's so important that 'lies' about FC aren't told, then what on earth were you thinking when you introduced FC in to your household? That was a lie in itself - unless of course you agree that it's a harmless tradition built on a myth / magical story. What's the harm?

I don't understand why your dd's self-esteem needs to be low with this katie. Can't you just let her know that she's 'in on the secret' and thats she's all grown up and to keep the secret to herself?

If your dc still believes in Fc at 8,..then fantastic.
But how bloody weird to speak to another parent about it. Either the parent can continue the "magic" for their dc's or not. If not, then it's time your dc knows the truth imo.
I actually told my ds2 yesterday there was no FC. There's no way I can cope with another xmas list being kept secret, to be sent up the chimney on xmas eve, for me to discover I've bought totally the wrong presents again on Xmas day. This happens every year. When I unearthed the list yesterday top was a scorpian!!!!!! and a real one at that!

Did she imply she was a liar? Your OP said "another mother in DD's class has asked me to ask her not to say it again" To me that doesn't sound like an implication that your daughter's a liar.

If the subject comes up at the school gate you don't have to lie. You can avoid the subject or tell the child in question to speak to their parent.

I am sorry your daughter's self esteem is low, and there's obviously more going on - but is it really going to get better if she's the Great Unveiler of the Father Christmas Secret? Really? She doesn't have to lie, but could her self esteem not instead be helped by the knowledge that this is an important thing to some children and they will find it out for themselves. This isn't a really big deal in the grand scheme of things but it is surely a nice thing to do. (And of course it doesn't stop other children telling the class...)

KAtie DD you have my sympahty .
I had two parents cross with me cos I told my DS that there was no such thing as the Easter Bunny - what a loas of poppycock that is.
He was 7 at teh time adn told his friends.
However I believed in FC until Iw as 11.
Children wil believe what they want to believe in.
Christmas is still exctitng whoever puts the presents under th tree for them

I explained it to my dd that father Christmas was real, but he was the spirit of christmas, not a real person. I said that little ones couldn't understand that, but she could because she was older. She has never "spoilt it" for anyone as far as I know, but hasn't been left feeling like the last one to know either.

Honestly do you not think that most eight year old have worked out for themselves that Father Christmas does not exist. Have they not worked out that Father Christmas can not be in three department stalls at once.

I would not have thought that KatieDD daughter was telling her classmates anything they don't know. Unless the children are exceptionally dim to still believe their parents.

Look i am probably not in the right frame of mind for this, i really wasn't expecting to get a hard time of the this. I'm probably worrying over things that haven't and won't happen but god help anyone who does imply she's lying and they aren't just to preserve their magic.

Last year ds (then 4) figured out that Fr Christmas looked different various times he saw him going around town to when he saw him at the school fayre and asked me was he real?

I brought up the link to St Nicholas and how the concept of Father Christmas is identified from him (so to say he doesn't exist is not completely correct!) as someone else mentioned the polar express, he has seen this too and he concluded he did believe though was curious to know why the reindeers brought snow into his best friends house but not ours

I found the st Nicholas option most useful it's being honest

KatieDD - I don't think anyone implied that your DD is lying. You obv had a bad day and you are obv worried about other issues with your DD. Fair enough. I really hope you get it all sorted.

I don't agree that your DD being treated maturely by you and asked to be sensitive to the fact that some of her friends will still believe in FC is saying she is a liar in any way. Or is making you out to be a liar.

I don't think the other mother is out of order at all. If she had marched up to you all guns blazing then yes. It sounds like she just asked you quietly though.

I am the oldest of 4 and I obv found out way before my youngers sisters - there was a 5 year age gap between me and the next. I don't remember finding out or even what age I was. But I do remember that Xmas was never the same afterwards.

As I said earlier my DS is 7 and still believes. He thinks FC is the kindest man in the world. I think it is lovely that he still believes. And if someone in his class starts to tell him otherwise I might mention it to the mum.

If you try to get the belief going in Father Christmas when your children are blatently too old to be gullible are trying to stop your children growing up.

"I am the oldest of 4 and I obv found out way before my youngers sisters - there was a 5 year age gap between me and the next. I don't remember finding out or even what age I was. But I do remember that Xmas was never the same afterwards."

I find it very sad that your Xmas was mainly about a pretend character. I suppose every family is different. Our Xmas is about the birth of Jesus.

LOL Reallytired. Being brought up in Dublin as a Catholic and going to a Catholic convent school Christmas was very much about the birth of Jesus! Lots of church going and masses with school and as a family and carol services and going to see the crib at the local church.

It just so happens that FC was a bit part too!

'If you try to get the belief going in Father Christmas when your children are blatently too old to be gullible are trying to stop your children growing up.' - sorry - didn't quite get this bit?

Some people take this way too seriously.

Katie, just forget it and let it slide (as you say, you don't need the extra stress). I wouldn't say anything to my daughter, they are going to find out and no amount of bubble wrapping is going to stop it.

Don't know how my son will handle it when the time comes, we don't "do" Santa (as discussed in the other thread) and I don't see it as my job to encourage my son to lie in order to perpetuate someone else's lie. Not a popular opinion but hey that's the way it is.