Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

DD age 8 has told all her class mates Father Christmas doesn't exist

140 replies

KatieDD · 17/11/2008 17:57

And another mother in DD's class has asked me to ask her not to say it again because they were hoping for another year of magic (her daughter is 9).
Now I am having the day from hell anyway but what would you do ?
DD has sussed it now so I cannot say he is real without looking an idiot and I always said I wouldn't lie so when she outright asked I replied that she was right but she mustn't tell her younger sisters.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
cornsilk · 17/11/2008 18:45

My ds believed up until this year (year 6) despite being told by various chn that FC wasn't real. My ds2 has been told he isn't real - he still believes. You just tell your child that the non-believers have got it wrong. It's out there all the time that FC isn't real if they watch films and TV. If they want to believe they will.

KatieScarlett2833 · 17/11/2008 18:47

Take your own advice andiem .

juuule · 17/11/2008 18:47

I would also ask my child not to mention it at school again.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
andiem · 17/11/2008 18:48
Hmm
lljkk · 17/11/2008 18:50

Sorry, but I really don't accept that it has to "ruin" anybody's Christmas when a child stops believing in FC, that's ridiculous. It's going to happen sooner or later, perhaps you should never mislead them to start with to avoid the great disappointment .
DS (9) has also told most his class, they choose not to believe him, I told him people are entitled to believe if they want to, so don't be pushy about it.

ladymariner · 17/11/2008 18:51

No, you can't control other people's children but you can try and control your own, not immediately get defensive and say they can pretty much do what they like. all she's asking is for you to have a chat with your daughter and ask her not to repeat what she's been saying, why is that such a big deal?

Acinonyx · 17/11/2008 18:52

Are we really suggesting a child be admonished for telling another child the truth and not facilitating a lie?

I would ask dd not to mention it to other children but surely this is what always, and is bound to happens. I certainy remember being told at school (by several other children) at about this age. Eventually I challenged my mother about it and she confessed. 8 is too old to maintain a frank deception of this kind (although I'm not much into frank deception at any age really).

KatieScarlett2833 · 17/11/2008 18:52

Exactly Lljkk. Why people get so het up about preserving a big LIE to their children is beyond me. Does anyone here remember expiring from angst when they found out?

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/11/2008 18:53

Why would I want to control my own ???? This is silly tbh I was expecting lots of isn't she a cheeky mare expecting your DD to keep a lie going ... am quite amazed at the response.

OP posts:
ladymariner · 17/11/2008 18:55

Don't think anyone suggested the dd be "admonished", just asked to stop repeating it.

wideratthehips · 17/11/2008 18:55

its a good way for your dd to learn that other people believe in things that others dont (trying to get ds1 to stop believing in ghosts)

blimey if thats the worst bit of info a child is going to pick up at school i would count my blessings...i remember being told about the headless horseman in the woods near the school, about sex and what mummies and daddies did to each other and loads of other rubbish. thats what happens at school,bits of half information get spread around..my ds1 has started talking about tracey beaker (who lives in the clouds)..he has no idea who or what it is but his friend has an older sister, and has at various points talked about james bond/daleks even though he has no idea what this is.

sorry if another parent told me to control what my son was saying in school (unless it was damaging/hurtful/unkind etc) i would have to snort and roll my eyes

nooka · 17/11/2008 18:55

We are an aetheist, non-Santa household, but dd (8) still adamantly believes in both God and Father Christmas (and the Tooth Fairy too, but that's just because dh likes to play along). ds (9) does not. I have no idea what they discuss with their friends. I have talked with ds about being sensitive to other people's beliefs, as most of my family are Christian (my big sister is an ex-vicar). But that's as far as I would be willing to go. I would be amazed at being approached by a mother of another child, and I am afraid would think it quite precious and ridiculous (although obviously I would be polite). I would probably ask my ds what he had said to make sure he wasn't being mean to the other kid, and then leave it there. However if you are playing the Santa game with your younger children then I guess you see some value in it, so it might be reasonable to be a little firmer with your dd about what she says to other kids.

ladymariner · 17/11/2008 18:56

"why would I want to control my own???"

mabanana · 17/11/2008 18:57

Gawd, I'm waiting for the outraged 'someone has told my 18 year old that FC doesn't exist and it has ruined the magic' thread.
This is life. It happens. They learn the truth, and it happens around the age of eight IMO.

wideratthehips · 17/11/2008 18:58

what happens when it comes to questioning the nativity kaboom hehehehe

cornsilk · 17/11/2008 18:59

Maybe all chn who have worked out that FC isn't for real should be moved to another class, preferably in another building at about this time of year and returned after Xmas. It's the only way to guarantee that the magic isn't ruined for the rest of the class.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/11/2008 19:01

Oh ladym if you think controlling your child is a good method of parenting I wish you all the luck in the world.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 17/11/2008 19:02

God forbid KatieDD's child should tell the truth. Doesn't she know that it's good to lie?

juuule · 17/11/2008 19:04

Didn't happen around the age of 8 in our house. We keep it going until somewhere in Y6. Although for a while I do think it's a case of them sort of knowing and keeping it going for us(parents). So it's sort of a game for a while. We do have younger children so the older ones then become co-conspirators and would understand that some children at school might still not know or want to know just yet.

I do think there is a time when they more or less know and then finding out isn't such a big deal.

And if it's about telling the truth maybe Katiedd's dd should tell her younger siblings the truth. God forbid she should lie to them

morningpaper · 17/11/2008 19:07

Tell them to buy "Miracle on 34th Street"

a pleasant way to spend a wintery afternoon

Dropdeadfred · 17/11/2008 19:10

I told my dd's when they were doubtful about the existence of FC that millions of people belived in God and jesus without ever receiving any proof of their existence...

ladymariner · 17/11/2008 19:10

No, it's not about controlling them and every thing they do but it is perhaps about teaching them to have a little bit of respect for other's wishes.

If the other mum hadn't said anything to you nobody would have been any the wiser and everyone could carried on believing/not believing regardless. However, this woman has asked you if you would have a word with your daughter about something that has clearly upset her. What is the problem with you doing that, or do you just not like anyone having a different opinion to you? Hence your lovely comment about everyone getting over themselves.

My ds' best friend told him when they were around that age that FC wasn't real, and ds didn't believe him. I didn't ask his mum to have a word with him, it wasn't such a problem for me, but everyone is different.

mabanana · 17/11/2008 19:13

They are EIGHT. I think it must take a hell of a lot of parental effort and a hell of a lot of infant gullability to ensure normal eight year olds truly believe in FC. I am pretty sure that by this age they are going along with it for the sake of the parents.
Also, I don't know why the other mother is sticking her beak in. Her dd has already been told, so it's too late.

mabanana · 17/11/2008 19:13

gullibility

andiem · 17/11/2008 19:17

was just about to post what lady mariner did

and there is no effort to keep it going for ds1 in our house have not asked him to write a letter or anything
ds2 is too young to get the whole shebang at the moment but I will ask ds1 to tell him the big fat lie of childhood so that he can be scarred for life