Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

[thesleepingbeauty]

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

Depends on your 12 year old. ds is dyspraxic and is a danger to himself really. He's so sensible but (dozy) and would quite happily stick his fingers in a plug socket without even thinking about it.

I couldn't trust him yet .

Remember that silkcutmama . Not much they could have done in any case but to be out of the house when it happened......

Last week I was coming home from a family do, I couldn't get a taxi or bus after waiting around for more than hour. It was 9.15pm so the kids (5 & 2) were in bed. I called DH to come and get me. But I only did this because DSD who is 16 was also home so DH was able to come on his own. If DSD hadn't been home and I couldn't find a way to get home (way too far to walk) I would have got DH to come and get me but he would have had to wake the kids up and brought them with him.

Under no circumstances could I leave young children home alone tis just wrong. When DD1 was 18 months I left her with DSD who was 12 at the time whilst I went to the shop (10 minutes) my heart was in my mouth and I didn't do it again. It's different now that DSD is 16 as she's old enough to babysit. Much to her annoyance.

my point exactly shybaby
can't even think about it without crying for them

I have a 12 and a 7. Sometimes my dp has to get the early train from the station 5 minutes drive away. I tell dd (12) the night before that I'm taking daddy to the station at 6.00. I tell my neighbour (friend, mother, lovely person) that I'm doing it and I leave a note to remind the children(who can both read) what I'm doing. I don't have a problem with this a all.

If youre asking for advice you KNOW its wrong.

It actually made my stomach churn when I read this

.... If I go out, again my bus stop is a good 10mins walk away if my friend doesnt go - she live 3 doors away so we walk back together) I drive.

Artichokes - this is off topic but what's hysterical about not leaving 12 yr olds. My DD is very trusting and would open the door to anyone (and we do get quite a few doorstep salesmen). Anyway I am starting to leave her now. I think between the ages of 12-16 years is plenty enough time to build up their independence/confidence. Why should parents feel the need to let their kids roam the streets at 7 yrs old, then blame the car driver who knocks them down? Take them out and occupy them yourselves fgs! I work for housing org and we had a complaint from a resident who wanted to be rehoused as her 6 year old was being bullied by older kids and had been whacked on the head with a piece of wood as she was letting him out on his own while she sat on her arse indoors. Her solicitor said his life was in danger and it would be on our conscience - go figure!

OOps scrub my last post - there was another thread about what age kids go out on their own - this was more relevant to that.

OP why did you start another thread about this?

think it comes down to balancing risks. In the OP's scenario, walking home alone is less than ideal (and for what it's worth, with respect, the subsequent advice to talk to her DP on her mobile while walking back is probably ill-advised). Leaving kids who are safe and asleep is nevertheless dodgy if you are more than a few minutes away, especially if you are driving, and hence might break down or have an accident, get delayed in traffic etc. The best scenario, in my view, that was suggested was that the OP walk home with a friend, who could then be dropped home by the DP by car.

Beyond that, it is all a judgement call. and with young babies who are safe in a cot, I would say don't go further than the equivalent of a quick shower or a quick potter at the bottom of the garden. For older ones (maybe 9, maybe not til 12), then as long as they are sensible, an hour if they know where to call you is ok. That's my view anyway.

I have left ds in the house alone once. I was at the train station at the bottom of my road (3 minute walk away) and there was a huge fight going on. I live in a very rough area, it was nearly midnight, and I didn't want to walk home alone. Dh left 18mth old ds fast asleep in his cot, locked the door and drove down for me. There was minimal risk, and we only did it because it was an emergency. We were out for 5 minutes maximum. I wouldn't leave ds for longer, and wouldn't leave him if he was awake.

I'm interested by the people who never let their children out of their sight. Ds often goes to play in another room while I'm cleaning, and I leave him in his bedroom while I have a shower. The house is childproof, no swallowable things at child level, and he's within hearing distance. If he goes quiet I go and check on him, but it usually just means he's engrossed in a book. I grew up in a big family and we all pretty much did our own thing - I would have found it quite oppressive being constantly under my mum's supervision.

Never.

Sorry to buck the trend - but this is a 10 min walk- how long in car ? - 5 min round trip - max ? I think that's OK - chances of fire in that time frame must be absolutely tiny - I would worry that baby would wake up, cry and wouldn't have anyone there - but 5 mins is not long !!

WE parents don't have to plan for worst - case scenario every time- that way madness lies !

I used to work nights & dh would just lift dd from bed & come & pick me up. It never disrupted her sleep.

Is that not an option?

You've got to weigh up the risk factor in your own personal situation. A drive is never a good idea. Going next door, imo, depending on your area is.

We lived in a converted barn in the middle of nowhere along with 4 other houses; neighbours whom we knew v v well. Never any passersby. We left dd asleep in her cot numerous times whilst we went next door for a meal, with the monitor. We were as far away from her room as we were in our own lounge. We could see our house. I felt totally confident about that. Similarly where we live now, in Singapore, in a gated compound, I don't have a problem. In another more public street I most probably wouldn't do it.

ahem dont mean going next door is a good idea of course! meant it was ok...depending on your area/home.....

NO.....way too risky.

i have to add to this thread, leaving your small children alone in bed even for "10 mins" is wrong ! there is no excuse, not even popping to the shop for milk, bread etc. i'm sorry but as a mum who brought up 2 children on her own i know what it is like to have things to do and the stress of trying to work around your children , firstly check if you are low on essential supplies during the day, so that you are not left in the situation of having to run out in the night to get milk etc, nothing is worth takin a chance not even for 10 mins, i agree with everyone who said wrap up little children and take them with you if you have to go somewhere, i often did, of course it is ok to pop next door and keep an eye with a monitor,we are not expected to be prisoners in our homes but please , no journeys of any kind, years ago when my girls were little a neighbour of mine, who actually was a decent girl, but used to regularly run to the shop at night when her children were sleeping, left her three sleeping, they were about 18mths, three and six, the three yr old did wake up and not seeing her mum was crying, then fell down the stairs and was injured, next door hearing the screaming, called the police and ambulance, suffice to say the mum arrived back to find her door being forced and consequently lost all three of her beautiful kids to social services, she did eventually get them back but not before they had been put through a great deal of unnecesary trauma and heartache, i know that the chances of this happening were probably one in a million, but would you really want to risk being that one ? i know i wouldn't, also on TV yesterday there was a story about a young boy escaping a house fire, it took only 3 or 4 mins for the smoke from a tv fire to reach that little boys bedroom, thankfully his dad was only outside, but even the dad said , he had no idea of the fire inside he heard the smoke alarm but diddnt even realise it was his, it is always wrong to leave your babes alone and unmonitored !!!

I agree with AbbeyA that the only way you leave children unattended is when they are a) awake b) old enough and competent enough to understand what is happening and what to do should an emergency arise.

The thought of leaving a sleeping child beggars belief - I am astounded that some people actually think it's ok. Not because of the risk of some intruder, because that risk is incredibly tiny. But because of first,the risk of fire or some other emergency, and secondly, the chance that the child could wake up and be frightened

Assuming your 10 minute walk is less than a five minute round trip I would leave your DS asleep for that time. It is a rare occasion and as has been said you have to balance the risks - the risk of the boogeyman stealing your DS in that five minutes, or a sudden inferno breaking out vs the risk of something happening to YOU as you walk home alone late at night.

If your car breaks down on that trip - which can only really be half a mile away at most, you can walk back. The chances of you being in a major accident on such a short trip have to be absolutely tiny!

i would be more concerned about what could happen outside rather than inside the house -chances are your ds would be fine BUT what if you had a car crash or some sort of accident and were unable to tell anyone your ds was home alone. Scary thought.

NO!!!!

What on EARTH are you thinking of?

ABsolutley no. I would not leave a sleeping child alone in a house and leave the area of the house.

Either:

• drive, and don't drink
• dh puts baby in buggy/car and hopes LO doesn't wake
• get a neighbour to sit with LO.

Or D) walk 10 minutes home! I sometimes wonder what sort of world we live in where we as women are so scared (or are encouraged by our DH's to be so scared) of walking at night. If you're worried, call your DH when you start walking, and stay on the phone until you're home - easy.

Interesting thread this. My answer to the specific question posted would be 'no'. I would be far too worried about not being able to get back home instantly.

HOWEVER, a long time ago I did post a worried thread about something I had done and was reassured by most that I was ok. Reading this thread now I suspect I would have a different rsponse...

When DS was a few months old we were invited to a meal at our next door neighours. We had not been out at all since DS was born, he was a difficult baby and I had PND so the idea of grown-up conversation for an hour seemed like heaven. We had no-one who could babysit and DS would NOT have slept had we taken him with us and put him in a moses basket. So, we left him for an hour. In my defence, we took our baby monitor, turned to 'maximum everything' so that I could hear him breathing. House was locked. Baby asleep in cot. Smoke alarms etc. all tested and working. At the slightest snuffle, I could be in his room in about a minute. I worried and fretted but went (and had a lovely meal and DS did not snufffle).

Have not done it since and would certainly not venture any further, but at that time I had assessed the risks and felt it was fine for an hour off.

Would people still say that was irresponsible?