Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

[thesleepingbeauty]

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

Grumpalina, sorry I wasn't having a go at you, far from it, the article you linked to is interesting and absolutely provides food for thought. Just as the article that I linked to also demonstrates, there are many different scenarios related to leaving the dcs in the house. IMO if you've gone out for enough time for a fire to start, the fire brigade to be called, arrive and rescue your kids, you haven't been out for just 5 minutes, and as you say you can interpret that differently. If you walk briskly to the shop for a pint of milk it does take literally 5 minutes on foot(where I live that is). If you go out doing something social, it always takes longer than you realise because it's easy to lose track of time while you're chatting.

I'm absolutely not advocating leaving children at home all evening while going out boozing. But sometimes if the choice is to put a fast asleep ds into buggy, schlep up the steps, down to the shop and back, or to have a screaming child desperate for milk at 6am or to leg it to the shop and back, then I think the risk is worth it. The other scenario is of course to not forget to buy milk in the first place ...

NDTH - all very well saying wake child and take with you - but if he's asleep he's not going to go back to sleep as soon as we get home.

I try my best to be organised, my god do I try. But doing it all alone is pretty hard and sometimes my own halo slips!!

But you have all given me food for thought and I will now do my id tag thing if I have to go out again at any point. (writes MILK in big letters on forehead so that people will remind me).

I left my 13-next-week alone in the house for an hour last night for the first time whilst I played netball and it felt really wierd. I locked the door on the way out and he put the spare key by the door so it was there if he needed it. I left the neighbours on both sides phone numbers on the pad on the sideboard, and more lights on all over the house than Blackpool so it looked as thought there were people in every room!!
He was on the wii when I left and he was still on it when I got back. I asked if anyone had rung and he said yes but i told them you were in the bath and you'd ring them back. Good lad!!

I wouldn't have left ds on his own at any younger age than this but i do feel that now is the right age, he has to start to feel responsible or how will he ever learn? That said, I couldn't get home quick enough!!

I think this thread illustrates the differences between the UK and continental Europe. Anna8888 lives in Paris (I believe) and it seems to be the norm for people there to leave their children for short periods of time. I lived in Amsterdam when our dc were little and it was perfectly acceptable for people to go to school to collect their children while leaving little ones at home napping. I didn't do it btw because it didn't collide with ds2's nap time - don't know if I would have if I had a time conflict - but certainly no-one would have thought anything of it. I remember a friend there having some kind of monitor which linked to your mobile - can't remember if it rang your mobile if baby woke or if you could just ring home from your mobile to listen to baby - again no-one Dutch seemed to bat an eyelid at the thought. I think in the UK we have become hyper-sensitive about anything and everything to do with our children's safety and sometimes our concern seems to be not what might happen to our children if left alone/walking home from school/playing out on street etc but more fear of what people might think or reprecussions from being reported to the authorities!

G&P. I just thought it was worth thinking about. I don't disagree with you. I've left my v poorly 8 year old DS1 laying on the settee whilst I went to get his brother from nursery (gone 5mins 10mins max). The alternative would have been to carry him to the car and probably leave him in the car whilst I went in to the nursery to get DS2. Like you I am on my own and don't have any family or friends nearby.

As you say when you are on your own you don't always have the luxury of someone else to help out. As you say you try to plan but sometimes things crop up. You have to assess each situation as it arises.

I would tell my dh not to be such an idiot, and walk home from the train station. Not that he would suggest it in any case. I do wonder about some of the reasoning on this thread though. Never leave your child unattended for a second in case you are struck by lightening! WTF? How likely is that to happen?

My children get up before I do. They watch TV. That's it. If I told them I was going down the road to get some milk (5 mins walk max) they would only come too with heavy bribery or a big sulk. So I'd go alone. I would not worry that a boogie man might get them, or that they might start a fire. I wouldn't worry that somehow a car might plow off the road and kill me. These are unlikely to the point of ridiculous scenarios. They are now eight and nine, and I've been happy to leave them for short periods of time (10 mins at the max) since they were OK to be left, as the biggest risk is that they might get anxious and unhappy.

That mum in Manchester was obviously out for a long time for a fire to reach such a level, and for the fire brigade to be called, come out and start putting the fire out. I would suspect hours not minutes. As for the scenarios in that article, I cannot see why the third scenario (the MM one) is any more acceptable than the others, esp when the author suggests that leaving a child "under 12" for a max of 10 mins is problematic. Leaving tiddlers for half an hour though is OK because "parents have to balance the demands of life". My balancing efforts tell me that leaving children who are awake, busy doing something you know will mean they don't want to stir from the sofa for hours, let alone 10 mins is much better than leaving a sleeping baby.

DH went out one night and called me at 11pm, drunk, with no money, about 4 miles away when it was freezing (literally) outside.

I started the car up to heat it, put DD1 in under a blanket with a hat on and DD2 in her sleeping bag and went and got him.
DD1 still rememebrs it as a big adventure when we went out at night to get Daddy.

I didn't even consider leaving them at home although it would have taken 20 mins at most.

Rare night out, get dh to get dc into car and collect you. Just not worth the risk of leaving for 10 mins.

Walk. You're a grown woman. I'm sure you're capable of walking for 10 minutes on your own in the evening.

V balanced post Grumpalina (and others, not implying that you're not!) - it is all about the exact circs and your own comfort levels. In the OP's case, I wouldn't be happy getting in the car while leaving the dcs - to me that feels like more risk than walking anywhere.

Leaving a child completely alone whilst you pop out is risky. It is NOT entirely risk-free.

It all boils down to how much of a risk you are prepared to take with your children.

annh: that's really interesting, what you said about attitudes in Paris & Amsterdam. Nothing to add, I just thought it fascinating!

Don't know how, but my DS managed to escape from the house twice before the age of 18 months. The first time, he was found walking down the pavement of the A road we were staying on by a passing driver. The second time we found him in the middle of the 4 way junction our house was on. Each time we were at home and thought he was still asleep in bed where we'd left him not quarter of an hour before. Don't also forget that a child safe house can be too secure in a fire.

Dh can just take DS. To leave an 18 month old home alone is just selfish and gets a big fat NO from me.

Absolutely no!! if Social services found out they'd have a big problem with it too.

Can't believe you're even thinking about it

TBH if I knew someone in real life who did that I'd report them to SS.

No. You should think about these things BEFORE you have children and if you can't cope with not having nights out, albeit rare ones, then don't have them. DH and I have no babysitters where we live as no family close by and I've missed out on a lot of meals etc but I'm fine with it as I made a choice to have a child and the responsibility that comes with it

Good gracious NO. If it's that desperate take the baby, it's only a one off and won't upset routines.

Ah, now this is getting most interesting.

I particularly find what annah wrote about the difference between UK and Europe fascinating : I didn't mention in the original post as I didn't think it was relevant, but we are not in the UK, so perhaps that explains that I know quite a few people who would have no problem with the scenario I described.

this is a NSPCC leaflet

You will notice that it says in the first paragraph that a young child or baby should NEVER be left home alone awake or asleep for even a few minutes

Aside from all the variables, isn't leaving a child under 7 alone in a house actually illegal? I am quite sure it is. Will google and check.

I also think the country you are in is irrelevant, A Baby should never be left alone

remember Madeline McCann, Her parents left her alone for 10 at a time maximum and look what happened to the poor little girl.

no no no !!!!!

OK, x posted.

So basically, if something goes wrong, the authorities will decide whether your conduct constitutes neglect (cue police, social services etc etc). Why take the risk?