Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

[thesleepingbeauty]

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

sleepingbeauty..not really no.

It drives me mad, but I am a single mum and my kids are always in my sight. Dd especially.

I'd love to go to the loo in peace but its not really possible.

Leave her alone, in the house when im approx. 3 miles away? No chance, sorry.

I don't mean for hours on end! But as so many have pointed out, it only takes minutes for fire to break out / baby to choke on vomit etc etc, so my question is do you really not leave your child unsupervised for EVEN A MINUTE at any time at all?

Mine is often playing in his room or the living room while I cook or clean or whatever. Obviously he can wander around, and I go to check on him, but there are without doubt minutes in which I do not know what he is doing. Is this not normal?

tsb sorry but are you being purposefully dim?

Surely you see to draw a paralell between washing one's hair next door from a playing child and driving out into the night (repeating myself here) leaving him unattended is ridiculous. Yes the baby could choke but you could hear it, see it, be there to help, call 999........ you get me???

No I never leave my child unattended. She goes off in the garden but I sit and watch her, she eats in her highchair whilst I clean, really not difficult. We also co-sleep. She is 21m. An extreme maybe but that is just the way we do it. Not for everyone.

But I would no more leave a sleeping child alone so I could have a night out, or walk home, or nip to a dinner party than fly. I do not think that is extreme in the slightest.

ShyBaby:
we've moved beyond the original scenario now. I am talking about while you are in the house, but possibly in different rooms. Does this never happen? I find that incredible.

ofcourse it happens but as crushed pointted out your nearby!

if you left sleeping baby alone(which yes yes yes youve said now youve decided not too)what if god forbid you both had accident ?

I think there is a lot of unnecessary fear. You have to judge the situation and assess risk sensibly. A friend wouldn't let her 2 1/2 year old daughter walk across the road whilst holding her hand. She had to be carried. This annoyed and upset the little girl no end. I really couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to walk.

I would leave a sleeping baby in a cot alone in the house to go and get milk provided journey was no more than a couple of minutes. I assess the risk of fire etc as absolutely minimal.

There are times when I have gone to put rubbish out etc, when dd has probably been alone for nearer ten minutes.

I've started a new thread about this to seperate it from the op scenario:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/617801?rnd=1222805644236

Of course (sorry if my pc is a bit slow). It would be impossible to watch them all of the time. But I do my best. I cant avoid going to the loo!

I do think this is an interesting debate - our interpretation of risk in particular. Spero, you make some valid points about fear in particular. There is much discussion about the possibility of fire breaking out here - but what are the main causes of fire in the home? I would reckon, in descending order of likelihood:

Smoking
Arson
Candles / open flames
Cooking
Electrical failure
Children

So my risk assessment is how likely is it that a fire will break out in my house in the five minutes that I am not in it, given the likely causes and my exposure to the risks:

• no-one in the house smokes
• am v unlikely to be deliberately target for arson
• I don't leave candles or fire burning unattended
• I don't leave cooking unattended
• electrical wires might possibly short but think this is not very likely, all appliances are modern
• ds in cot asleep and would not be left with matches and lighter fluid to play with

so I would conclude that the risk of my house catching fire, in the exact five minutes that I am not in it, from any possible cause are so small as to be negligble. and that is why I think it is ok to go and get milk. which is the ONLY reason I ever leave ds in the house etc etc.

Like I said, it makes me feel bad so I don't do it, but on the occasion I've tried I have the windows open so I would hear her when she woke up and could get to her immediately when she did.

Like the rest of the day, she's quite independent and wanders around of her own accord. We live on one floor so I'm never far away and can hear what she's doing. So although I can't see her I don't class her as being unattented. If she goes quiet she's usually up to mischief so I always go and check on her then.

I must be an extreme case then as it is only in the last week or so that I have left my almost 12 yr old DD alone in the house for all of approx. 20 mins (and this is the first time she has ever been alone - not even walked home from school alone). I would never even consider leaving her with her 6 yr old DBs as she would not be able to control them! My motto has always been 'minimum risk' and will continue to be so as I consider my kids lives more important than mine. As for a baby, even one younger than 18 months who could not climb out of a cot, I would be more worried that I would have an accident while I was out or the car broke down/some idiot crashed into me (which is out of your control) and would be away longer than anticipated.

NO - burglars, fire, the car breaking down and you not being back in 10 mins, a car accident, a bad dream, sickness bug....

Do you have another solution?

Never mind then, dont bother asking just do it.

Because if something does happen you'll have plenty of support on here by the very people who told you not to. Because its too late to say we told you so and we should not judge.

Groundhog day.

I have also on occasion got my kids out of bed late at night (coats over PJs and slippers) and carried them to car to go to pick my DH up from work (he works bloody terrible hours) if his car is in garage or whatever. Makes a bit of extra work and they may e a bit unsettled but piece of mind more than makes up for it.

Some of the comments about not leaving older children border on the hysterical. I stayed overnight in our house alone when I was 12, from the age of 9 I let myself in after walking home from school and amused myself between 3-6pm EVERYDAY. Your kids a remore capable than you think.

artichokes, her child is 18 months.

In answer to the OP - defo no
I would not do this

Things that are unforeseen do happen
I could never forgive myself if something did

If my dh wanted to walk me home after a night out but leave my child asleep in bed then I would question all of our priorities

absolutly not.
at 18 months i imagine he is ion his feet and probably capable of getting out of his cot...even if he hasn't already, f he is left to cry and get upset he may attempt it.

anything could happen and if it did you WOULD be investigated for child abandonment.

this is absolutly wrong

Shy - I know the OPs kid is tiny but there are posters on this thread who refuse to leave 12 year olds!

Sorry I missed how old your child is.

I was left alone as older child - you can judge if they are capable enough. Actually, I was left alone to watch my baby brother when I was three while my mum went to local shops but I hated it, was terrified and still have clear memories of weeping on the stairs until she got back... I don't blame her - she was totally chaotic in those days and the 70's were different.

Thought you meant a young child.

If my dh wanted to walk me home after a night out but leave my child asleep in bed then I would question all of our priorities

I repeat again - and still think I am right!!

Oh 18 months - then I go back to all the scaremongering I let fly with earlier. No way. Take him too, for a midnight adventure with his dad. He could have a midnight feast in the car if he wakes up at all.

In our nearest town a fire broke out in the local garage two months ago. It took three minutes to take hold due to the fuel/oil etc, and there were oxy-acetylene tanks on site.

The police threw up an exclusion zone and started evacuating due to the risk of explosion - and a former neighbour of mine, by sheer luck, arrived back home after a five minute 'pop round the corner for milk',having left her small daughter in the midst of her afternoon nap. She got home literally seconds before she was told to leave - not all risks are within your control to monitor.

That examle is perfect snigger.

What about that poor couple whose ceiling collapsed onto the cot of their new baby?
It was the hot water tank