Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

[thesleepingbeauty]

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

This is really such an interesting thread, especially the last few entries and gives plenty food for thought. I have a three year old and would never contemplate leaving her alone, to pop out somewhere. Yet some of the responses of what if do now seem a bit unlikely and verging on the hysterical. My gut instinct is to say no at such a young age but it's really a case of my heart overruling my head. I don;t think I could live with the guilt if anything did happen though and that is what would stop me.

This is really such an interesting thread, especially the last few entries and gives plenty food for thought. I have a three year old and would never contemplate leaving her alone, to pop out somewhere. Yet some of the responses of what if do now seem a bit unlikely and verging on the hysterical. My gut instinct is to say no at such a young age but it's really a case of my heart overruling my head. I don;t think I could live with the guilt if anything did happen though and that is what would stop me.

I am fascinated by this risk thing. A couple of summers ago, I was on holiday camping at a family campsite. My SIL wouldn't let her 11 year old ds go to the toilet block on his own because it was too risky, but thought absolutely noting of letting him and his non swimming 6 year old little brother go out in an inflatable boat with one small paddle on rough, windy sea while she sat fully clothed on the shore drinking tea and not even watching them. Bizarre!

There is such gulf between perceived and actual risk.

MrsGuy - even that doesn't explain it, we are talking about the miniscule risk of abduction or a sudden inferno vs. also tiny but potentially devastating risk of a car accident with the baby in the car (if baby and DH go) vs the risk of something happening to the OP in her walk home, again unlikely but maybe terrible. All of these risks are v. low probability but we are not rational about assessing them. People work themselves up into terror about flying on aeroplanes even though the risk of an accident is tiny. I've never known anyone work themselves up about travelling by road where the chances of a tragic accident are greater.

Seeker's example is a really good one, her SIL was neurotic about a media-hyped risk (the toilets) and blase about her DCs going out to sea though ill-equipped! (Seeker, I'd have found it impossible to contain myself about that!)

just to add my tuppance have only skim read threads but the last few sound more sensible. Not sure that I would leave dd in the house on her own but also think if I did for 10 mins that she would be ok. Once a had to leave her in the house (aged 2ish) to go and move my car as a fire engine was trying to get down the st and someone had parked opposite me and thus blocked the road. I didn't have time to organise dd and get her in the car seat so just left her in front of cbeebies and did it, was out the house prob 5 mins and of course she was in exactly the same spot that I had left her in!

My mum freely admits that when we were little she would leave my little brother asleep in his cot and walk the 5 min walk to school to pick me and my other brother up - I don't think she even thought about it to be honest, it just made sense to leave him asleep.

I am a bit of a fatalist and think you can go really over board with the whole not letting them out of your sight theory but at the end of the day there is only so much control you can have over what will be x

I do worry about going out in cars - but I know that for me this is fairly irrational (I am permanently convinced that we are going to go into things, and cars into us, and have to hold on very tight! ).

I think we are better at imagining disasters than more mundane mishaps. I have managed a few incidents when I have thought did no-one really think that wouldn't have happened? (along with being amazed that the said mishap hadn't happened before).

I think with leaving children the emphasis should be on the likeliest problem, which is that the child will wake up for some reason and be very unhappy, rather than fantasizing about terrible but highly unlikely dramas. I guess news reporting doesn't help - I've never seen headlines that said "thousands of babies missed their parents when they went out" only the very very occasional few about fires or snatchings.

I wouldn't.

My cousins left their DCs at home for ten minutes because the nanny had phoned to say she was going to be late. Apparently the nanny then mentioned it at a toddlers group and one of the parents must have reported it because the next thing that happened was an enquiry from social services. They were MORTIFIED.

You should read the NSPCC website on when it is safe to leave children home alone. They are quite clear that it is never at 18 mths.

Hi Sleeping Beauty - Im sure lots of these posts have given you lots of "food for thought"?

Just wondering if youve made your decision or had your night out yet?

Easy answer is to drive and don't drink or if that isn't an option then either get dh to take dc with him to collect you or arrange for dc to sleep over with grandparents etc. Taking an 18 mth old out in the evening is pretty easy - they are small, tend to stay asleep when moved and if they do wake then the car journey will send them back to sleep.

Must say that I find it hard to even imagine how you could be asking this question in the first place.

The question to ask yourself is 'if' something happened, anything, would you feel comfortable explaining that to people and would you be able to live with yourself?

I would get Dh to pick me up with DC in car, never walk alone at night, my SIL recently got attacked walking 10 mins down road at night pleased don't do it.

What have you decided to do?

This is so interesting. We have a very long back garden - over 100 feet - and the baby monitor doesn't work for more than 70 feet. I always feel naughty if I nip to get something out of the car as I can't hear any noise from the house, so I run there and back!

My ds is only 21/4 but developed a knack of climbing out of his cot just before his second birthday so I couldn't possibly leave him alone in the house even for 5 minutes.

Off topic slightly, I wonder why baby monitors can be wired up to call mobile phones but domestic smoke alarms aren't. I'd quite like to get a call if my house was on fire, as my dog would be home alone. Before I get my ear bitten off, he's 9 so he's allowed to be home on his own some of the time

absolutely no

Gosh we live in such a fear driven society. It beggars belief that people are afraid to go to the end of their gardens where they can't hear their baby. So they run there and back. It's on your property.....blimey. How did people survive before monitors? We must have all died as children and not known it.

My mother recommended putting babies in their prams at the end of the garden for a good bit of fresh air. I'm guessing people wouldn't be doing that now

not unless you are claire verity - come rain or shine