Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

[thesleepingbeauty]

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

A fire takes minutes to engulf a house, minutes too long for anyone to hear your baby scream or even for your baby to wake, too short a time for the fire brigade to be called, before their tiny lungs are filled with smoke, before they are trapped in a burning house and close to death.
If this risk is worth taking so you don't walk alone (I'd love to see the comparitive stats of a woman being attacked by a stranger and a child burned to death in a house fire) or that a baby gets milk then perhaps you should think carefully about what sort of parent you are.

thanks Twelvelegs.. I am a lone,widowed parent and I am a damn good one, I don't need to think about it any further. sometimes I cock up on the milk supply and find that what I thought was a full pint is nearly empty.

I very carefully weigh up the likelihood of a fire starting in my house the instant I close the door, and conclude that in the LITERALLY, not metaphorical 5 minutes that I would be out of the house my sound asleep baby, in his cot will not burn to death. or be abducted.

I do not go out for dinner, have a social life worth speaking of and I look after my child all day alone and when he is asleep I am damn well not going to haul him into his pushchair and take him to the shop and then have him awake for the next hour when I am desperate to have just a tiny bit of time off for myself and to eat some dinner.

Had I known my dh would die while I was pg, I wouldn't have planned the pregnancy in the first place. but here I am and sometimes I forget the bloody milk.

I completely accept that there is a risk, I htink it is a very small risk, but I stand judged.

since you can walk home and are happy doing so then that's the obvious choice even if it is raining
Started a thread a while ago about a friend who does just what you're doing regularly, the general consensus then was no but it obviously happens - it's like no mumsnetters vote tory, none but anna will admit to doing such a thing. I bet it happens a lot. Not saying it's a good idea, however

I have sincerely heard it all - not wanting to walk home from a night out so considering leaving a baby at home alone. There are such things as CABS you know...

Anna888 you were going to a dinner party and left your 3yo alone until a babysitter arrived? You presumably couldn't tell them you were going to wait until your babysitter arrived. Actually if it was just 5 mins why couldn't you hang on? Because you didn't want to be 5 mins late for a dinner party..???

The mind just boggles. These are hardly life or death situations to leave children are they?

National Statistics has data available on this, twelvelegs, but it's hard to compare ie in the period 1995-99 there were 20 fatalities due to fire for under ones. It doesn't, however, state whether they were alone in the house or not.

Violent crime against women perpertrated by a stranger, however, is expressed as a percentage of all violent crime (0,7%), so impossible to compare.

I think that the point about attitudes in different countries actually is very relevent ie in the UK, you are more likely to find this an unacceptable thing to do, whereas in many countries on the Continent it is perfectly normal.

If it's 'literally' five minutes take your child with you....good god..... fires aren't planned they just happen and 10 people die each week in a house fire.

Just because it is considered normal doesn't make it OK, does it?

I'm with Crush on this, the idea of leaving a 3 year old alone in a house for a potentially undetermined period of time until a babysitter turned up makes me feel quite ill.

Sleeping, I just don't get why anyone would risk their child's life and safety. What if the child choked on vomit during thise five-ten minutes???? I am at a loss....

Greenandpleasant - do you know that you can freeze semi'skimmed milk? I am not a lone parent but my dh has been working in the Middle East for some months and I always keep a 2pinter in the freezer for just this eventuality. Worth doing maybe?

How could you saunter out of the door and have a fabulous dinner chatting away know knowing if your baby was alone or what..I just cannot believe that.

I can SORT of see the pov of a lone parent in desperation getting medicine or milk, but even then surely you would have someone to call upon in a desperate time like that..

I mean you would just hate yourself forever if something happened wouldn't you?

Definitely no

Slouchy - thank you!!! that is a great idea, I didn't know you could do that and now I feel like my milk crisis and dreadful parenting ishooos are solved at one fell swoop! Practical support much appreciated, thank you.

It'll defrost in the sink over night G&P. I do this all the time, sorry the suggestion didn't occur to me. I freeze full fat milk too, seems to be fine.

Twelvelegs, I see your point, but then, as I said in my op, I do occasionally leave my ds alone sleeping while I go down to the wash room to stick on another wash / put one in the drier / hang up clothes etc which probably takes me at least 10-15mins. and yet I've never had a problem with doing that, it hadn't even occured to me that he might choke on vomit in this time, or that a fire might break out, or someone might break into our flat and abduct him.
Actually, any time your child is unmonitored, there is a risk that something might happen.
Oh my god, I've just thought of another thing - what about showering and washing/drying your hair? Do you all do that in the evenings when your dhs are at home (those that have dhs, that is)? I usually do it whenever I can, which might mean ds is running in and out of the bathroom playing, or in his room playing (unsupervised! anything could happen!) or even while he's sleeping...

To be frank, why fucking ask? You have made up your mind that it's not a parenting No No.

Er I wouldn't leave an 18m unsupervised at all personally. I can wash my hair when DD is in the bathroom playing, dry it in the bedroom. I think one would notice a house fire or a choking child in this circumstance. Not really like leaving in the middle of the night for a car journey into traffic leaving the child with no one in the house at all......

I don't think it's necessary to swear.

I was wondering whether you do any of those things? Or is there never any time when your children are to all intents and purposes unsupervised and anything could happen?

At age 10 I set my parents living room on fire.

It was my birthday. I had been left alone upstairs again while they worked downstairs in the pub.

I had watched my mum fill her ashtray and set fire to it many times, so one night I decided to do the same.

The sofa never recovered tbh, in seconds it looked like a bonfire.

They wouldn't even have known.

Im quite lucky to be here.

My point is, I have seen how quickly a fire can take hold...you cannot imagine it.

A big NO WAY to leaving him on his own.

My DD is 20 mo and we've managed to get her into the car and back again into the cot without her noticing quite a few times, and on the odd occasion she wakes up she goes back asleep when she gets back in her cot. What time would you be coming home? Could he be kept up a bit late and put to bed in the pushchair? Then you've only got one move back into the cot on your return.

I feel bad when I do my gardening in the front of the house when DD is asleep. I have to keep checking on her every 10 mins.

Still with Crush.

DS is with me in the bathroom while I shower, and comes into the bedroom while I dry my hair/dress/wrestle with him over hairbrush.

This stuff isn't hard.

Really? But what if child is playing in his room whilst you are washing hair in bathroom? Do you take your child to the toilet with you? Where are they while you are eg cooking, taking rubbish out, bringing in shopping etc?

Is there really never any moment where your child is unsupervised?

I am genuinely interested.

Maybe you can find a very warm all in one and when you call your husband,he can put a warm blanket over the baby and put it in the car,one night of disturbance won't affect your childs routine,I really don't think it's worth taking the risk,what if the car broke down on the way to get you?

But smallone, if you're doing the gardening in front of the house and only checking every 10 mins, anything could happen in those 10 mins, no?

Not really no. He occassionally wanders off into another room, but soon comes back. He's only 18 months old FFS, I'm not going to leave him on his own in the house whether I am in it or not, anything could happen to him.

Just to clarify, my dh will not be leaving my ds alone while he comes to pick me up, I shall probably be walking.
I think the majority here also would not leave a baby sleeping while they popped out even for a v. short while.

However, some posters seem to be suggesting that it is not ok to leave your child unsupervised at all, in any situation whatsoever, for any length of time, and this I do not agree with at all.