Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Under what circumstances + for how long would you be ok with leaving the house while your dc are sleeping?

240 replies

thesleepingbeauty · 30/09/2008 15:48

I have a (rare!) girls night out coming up in October, and I've decided to get the train into town as I'll be having a few drinks.
Dh will be looking after ds, and probably dropping me off at the station, or I'll walk (only 10min).

Coming back is a bit of a problem though, as dh doesn't want me walking home on my own at that time of night (even though I'd have no problem with it, unless it's pissing down with rain!).

Anyway, do you think it's an option for dh to leave ds sleeping and pick me up from the station? Or is that a complete no-no? It would mean he's out of the house for 10mins at the most. I admit I've left ds sleeping while I go down to the utilities room to put a wash on or hang a wash up and been gone longer than that, but somehow that doesn't seem such an issue.

What do you think?

PS Cabs are not really an option as there aren't any cab firms in our village, and the few times I've tried arranging one have ended up with me standing outside the train station on my own waiting and waiting and waiting...I could have walked it in that time!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 17:34

I wouldn't be keen on leaving an 11 yr old asleep, and not if there were younger DCs as he would have been unlikely to wake if they woke. I also wouldn't leave without explaining. Daytime was fine when he knew the options to cope.

nowwearefour · 30/09/2008 17:35

definitely no!!! what if there was a car crash or the train was late or something else completely unexpected happened and you couldnt get back to kids in that timeframe? also what if they woke up within that 10 mins and had noone aware they were distressed? you should just walk. end of.

Charlee · 30/09/2008 17:37

No never!

Am gobsmacked by thoses who would leave there kids, think of all the children that have been snatched or gone missing.

How would you ever forgive yourselves if you cam home from your 10min outing to find your child gone?

If they are older and its short periods of time then thats ditterent but babies and toddlers!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
greenandpleasant · 30/09/2008 17:37

just to say - AFAIK it is not illegal to leave your children like this. BUT if anything were to happen, THEN it might constitute neglect.

Think you need to ask yourself what are the actual risks that your home will suddenly ignite? (do either of you smoke, have a deep fat fryer...) i

What is the risk of there being a fire or a break in in the exact 10 minutes that your dh is out collecting you?

What is the likelihood that your child will wake up? If he does wake up, what will happen? He will sit in his cot and cry, or go back to sleep. You may leave him to cry when you're in the house with him (or you may not of course). If he's in a bed he could get out and ...? Probably nothing.

IMO the risks are actually very very small - but there is a risk there and it's your call on whether to take it or not.

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 17:38

Food for thought???

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1066979_home_alone_kids_rescued_from_fir e

Apparantly she had just 'popped out' to a neighbours house.

AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 17:40

I think the risks of them being snatched are nil, as I would securely lock up. However having securely locked up there would be no way for them to get out or emergency sevices to get in. The risk of them waking and getting into danger or fire breaking out would be too great to contemplate.

scampadoodle · 30/09/2008 17:44

I cannot believe that people are getting angsty about someone leaving an 11 year old while they pop to the shop! FFS!! What are we doing to our children! When I was 8 I used to walk a mile home from primary school & let myself in. Talk to anyone of my age (early 40s) & they will say the same. The likelihood of a predator breaking in & abducting your child are miniscule, if not practically non-existent.
FWIW, I would leave my 7yo for 10, 15 mins (did so when he was 6 & poorly & I had to take DS2 to nursery - it was a filthy day), but I wouldn't leave him in charge of the 4yo, & I wouldn't leave the 4yo on his own.

OP: in your situation I would be tempted to leave your lo but would ultimately decide against it, just in case he woke up. Just walk home - maybe ring yr DH & chat to him as you're walking so he knows you're safe?

scampadoodle · 30/09/2008 17:46

The likelihood is miniscule, not are. Doh.

Charlee · 30/09/2008 17:47

As is said an 11yr old maybe but not a baby or toddler!

AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 17:48

An 11 yr old is perfectly capable if they are given responsibility. I much preferred to leave mine at home than drag him to the supermarket. Unless you trust them to do simple things, like stay at home alone for half an hour, they have to acccompany you everywhere-I think we would all have hated that!

ajm200 · 30/09/2008 17:51

No way under any circumstances

thegirlwiththecurl · 30/09/2008 17:54

I have a 13mth old, 6yr old and 12yr old and have recently sat outside, on a communal picnic table, with a few neighbours, having a pleasant drink. I have full view of my house and have the baby monitor on me. I must admit, I don't have a prob with this, but worry what others will think of me - which is mad, considering I can see the house, am about 10 ft away from front door and have monitor. However, i really wouldn't leave the baby or my 6yr old alone for a ten minute trip - no way. Would leave my 12yr old, though, and don't see that is a problem.

georgimama · 30/09/2008 17:56

18 months old? You have to be joking.

NO
NO
NO

What if there is a car accident? What if there is a fire? What if there is a break-in? How can you even contemplate this?

MrsMattie · 30/09/2008 17:58

NO.

greenandpleasant · 30/09/2008 17:58

See this link for a more indepth look at the different types of scenarios encountered when thinking about leaving a child alone.

The house fire thing in Grumpalina's link is shocking - but if the mother arrived 5 mins after then she had hardly "just popped" to a neighbours or out on a 5-10 minute errand ...

I've left ds asleep in his cot and gone to get milk - about a 5-7 min round trip. He can't get out of his cot, I lock the house and if he did wake up and cry it really wouldn't be the end of the world.

mabanana · 30/09/2008 18:01

I'd walk home, possibly while talking on my mobile so if there was a prob my dh could jump in teh car to rescue me (which obviously wouldn't happen!)
Would he be mollified by the 'chatting on mobile as I come home' routine?

littlefrog · 30/09/2008 18:02

oh for heavens sake.

i probably wouldn't do it, but I still think you're more likely to hurt the children by taking them (car crash, fall down steps because tired...) Really, house burning down in that particular 10 minutes??

Surely the point about the Madeleine case is that though it's completely tragic it's almost completely unknown - that's what was so shocking about it! If it was commonplace (god forbid) then there wouldn't have been all the press coverage.

AbbeyA · 30/09/2008 18:04

I would only be happy in leaving children who are awake and know what you are doing, and most importantly know what to do and what not to do and who to contact in an emergency.

georgimama · 30/09/2008 18:06

I have no desire to get involved in a discussion on Madeleine McCann, poor thing, but if I had been on MN then I would not have been saying it was OK to leave her, and am surprised anyone did. I thought at the time they shouldn't have left her, and they shouldn't.

It doesn't matter if it is unlikely that the house burns down in that 10 minutes, it could happen. I'd rather not take the chance. DS could wake up and scream himself sick in ten minutes.

georgimama · 30/09/2008 18:08

Obviously an 11 year old can be left in the house, if they know they are being left ie during the day for a couple of hours. They should not be in a position where they could wake up and find themselves alone in the house though.

GobbledigookisThrifty · 30/09/2008 18:10

I would not leave the house leaving my children in it, either awake or asleep, under any circumstances.

NotDoingTheHousework · 30/09/2008 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GobbledigookisThrifty · 30/09/2008 18:12

Ah read OP now. Hmmm, I've had this issue before with nights out.

Either:

I've arranged to go home with a friend and sleep over so that neither of us are going home alone.

Or,

A friend has come home with me and then dh has run them home in the car while I obviously stay home.

Or,

I don't go!

greenandpleasant · 30/09/2008 18:32

NDTH - the whole point is that it's all about what COULD happen, how risky it is to leave them.

How likely are any of the scenarios you suggest, really? I do know what you mean about there being an accident to me - and I have thought about putting a label on a band round my wrist giving my address and saying child at home - just in case I cannot manage to cross one quiet well lit road. I am super-cautious about checking the traffic. I would not go out in an electrical storm. I don't leave candles burning or the fire on. I don't smoke, I don't have a deep fat fryer on the go.

There is a risk, there is always a risk I admit that freely. But when I realise at 8pm that I have no milk in the house, which ds will need at 6am, I feel that those risks are worth taking to ensure that he gets a drink in the morning. (and yes I know I should be more organised, it is only occasionally and as I have no dh I am the only one who can do these things sadly).

That is as far as I would ever take the leaving him in the house alone scenario. I would not do it if he were not sound asleep and in his cot, I would not go out for more than a few minutes, I would NEVER go to the pub or pop out socially.

Grumpalina · 30/09/2008 18:38

G&P the point I was making was that the comment made was that she had just 'popped out' (this was on one of the news reprots I heardf) which can be interpreted in lots of different ways by different people. From some of the reports I read she arrived back on foot so hadn't gone far. It's very easy to say that you have 'popped out' for a few minutes but in reality what may appear to be a few minutes for the person involved is a lot longer.