Is this normal? Jools Oliver avoids playdates because she worries about whether the other mums at their school drive safely and stap their children in

[onceinalifetime]

Interview with Jools Oliver (doesn't want to be in the public eye but launching new book ).

Anyone else this paranoid?

"Jools admits to being a 'total control freak' as a mother, to the point where she avoids play dates for her girls because she worries about whether the other mums at their school 'drive safely and strap their children in'.

She screams with laughter when I mention the hand wash (which has the antibacterial strength to resist MRSA) in her downstairs loo, acknowledging that she is very 'overprotective' of her girls, which sometimes causes friction between her and Jamie.

'I find it hard to let go, even when Jamie has them. He always tells me to stop phoning him to check on them ? I drive him mad! I never bother him when he's at work, but when he has the kids I will ring to say, "Have you eaten yet, because it's one o'clock?" or, "Don't get Daisy's new dress muddy."

'We took them to Disneyland in Paris and Jamie insisted on taking them on rides they weren't tall enough to go on and I said, "I hate you for this."

'But I know they need the balance. They need Jamie to give them some germs, some mud and some danger,' she says, with a resigned expression on her face.

Jools is blessed with an openness and an honesty that, at times, makes you feel as protective towards her as she is to her family. She worries terribly about how she will cope as her children grow older.

No matter how she protects them now and attempts to instil in them sound values (she is a stickler for 'good manners', making the girls write thank-you letters for birthday presents, and always 'minding their Ps and Qs'), she is aware of the dangers of the teenage years.

'Keeping your virginity is important; it's part of growing up properly. I am not religious, but that is one of my main concerns for my girls ? no drugs, no smoking, and please don't have sex, girls, until you are?well, old enough. I don't mean you have to be married, but I just don't want any abortions. It's not that I disagree with those things, it's just that I want them to do what I did, really.'

But the worries of bringing her two daughters safely to adulthood haven't put Jools or Jamie off the idea of extending their family."

I agree entirely with combustiblelemon's sentiments..

I have to admit that when my children will be old enough to go on playdates without me I will be wary. everybody has different ideas about bringing up children what is safe parenting what isnt etc.
We visited my SIL for an afternoon, my nieces friend called over for the afternoon. Now her mum was unaware that we were all there which I suppose is ok, but although we are family we are strangers to her daughter. After lunch we went for a walk, my SIL left us walking down the road with this little girl, while everyone else went off on the bikes. I was quite shocked by this and all I could think of was her parents driving past and seeing their little girl walking down the road with two strangers.My sil and brother in law were responsible for her and didnt seem to mind or notice that they werent looking after her. My sil and bil are both educated people on the outside they appear to be responsible people but clearly they are not. This has made me think twice about who my children will be spending afternoons with in the future when they are old enough to be on their own.

That level of control freakery must drive her husband insane.

I dont get what everybodies issue is with her.
She seems like a really nice person, admittedly I haven't read her books (I dont read parenting books, only ever read the mumsnet ones) but I cannot see what the issue is. She appears to be the kind of person I would be friends with.
She seems normal - I know many families where the "control freak" level or one parent is higher than the other, so you get an even keel iyswim.
I dont do anti bacterial soap though!

Out of interest - the comments about only bleach working, does that mean the soap thingy at the hospital does not work?

Doesn't she have a history of an eating disorder? If so, it sounds as if she is passing on some of her neurosis about food to her daughters - not a good idea

How can people make such sweeping judgments just from a few probably misquoted snippets in some rag?

It makes me quite angry to see this sort of speculation as if we actually know her and have the right to comment or judge - leave her alone

Especially re the eating disorder etc. That's below the belt really isn't it?

IMO, the "I am so privilaged etc" interviews are not wanted by the average joe public, they like the "I am so odd because..." interviews.
Gives us something to discuss on mumsnet

She is just a woman, a mother fgs. Why is everyone turning on her? Are there not richer mums on here as well as poor? Should we let it affect our support for them?

Someone tell me this: What the heck has this person done that is so wrong?? Some of you are talking about her with such bitchiness, it's like she was a nasty criminal who deserved no kindness.

Save it for people who deserve to be torn to bits.

What are you lot like. I thought MN was a bit more fair minded and mature than to tear strips off another mum for...Oh I can't actually put my finger on what she's meant to have done.

I dunno - having found out that DD was brought home by a friend, not strapped in and told to "sit down if we see any policemen", I am with her on this!

No - it's not when she is so controlling about her children's diet - for them not to have tasted ice cream by their age, (especially when their father is a chef with a special interest in Italian cuisine) and to have to take thier own food to parties is clearly abnormal and is the likely result of her own distorted attititude towards food.

Have you experience of eating disorders Pippi?

Have you no hang ups yourself, nothing you particulary feel uncomfortable with, in respect of your children's upbringing?

I work with eating disorders

Have you had one though?

And do you not have your own preferences or control issues around your children?

I am so surprised at the judgmental attitudes of some of us.

When my DD went on her first playdate after starting school I asked if mum wanted me to bring booster seat in etc was told no she had sorted it all out.
Family were lovely no reason to suspect she wasnt being totally up front with me.

DD told me "Mrs X is so cool, friend and I sat in the front seat together and I was allowed to do the gear thingy!" They had a mini! no booster no belts

I didnt do playdates for a long time after that!

Also if you 'work with' eating disorders I would have expected you to have some insight into the way they work, and the variation in how much influence people allow them to have on their children.

You are making a very sweeping statement.

I don't really care about her one way or the other. But I do think if your career is built on being in the public eye as hers is, you're fair game for slagging off. Those of you who are saying 'well I think she seems really nice' are just as guilty as forming an opinion based entirely on the PR you've read. Or looking at pictures in magazines. But it's just as much without foundation as the camp who think she's vile.

I don't think any of us knows what she is really like. I certainly have no idea - she might be great, might be up her own arse.

It's all speculation, pointless and embarrassing.

I am not turning on her - I dont see what everybody is in such a fuss about.

Did you see her on Jamies show about school dinners? There was an episode where one of the children from the schools came to his for dinner, and there were so many foods that he had not eaten, and Jools said she was shocked (simple things like salad / different breads etc) and she was in the background preparing food for the girls, it looked yummy.

She sounds abit OTT but I am sure she means well. I am over protective but fine with mud and not fussy with food at all or obsessed about germs. I do get scared with some playdates as I know some of the mums let their toddlers/young kids play out unsupervised, I didn't let them go to someone's house once as they never strap their kids in the car, have dogs who bite and let them run in the road etc. I just make excuses if I am not happy. With most other parents, though, as long as they are safe I let the small stuff go. As the kids get older, it is easier though.

My dd once went on a playdate when the mother insisted on picking up and dropping off dd(6). It was only when she got sropped off I realised she wasn't in a booster seat at all. So wasn't too happy. So dd won't be going to that girl's house again (unless I drive her), but I'd still let her go to other peoples' for a playdate.

Would love to know how Jamie managed to convince EuroDisney to let his "not tall enough kids" on the rides. Places like that are normally very strict. Think she's got her prioroties wrong if she lets her kids do that but not eat the odd bit of party food.

Oomagh - your SIL assessed you to be a responsible adult. That's all that matters. Presumably the little girl was happy in your company?

Flightattendant - I'm with Pippi on this one. I have had an eating disorder and I have worked with sufferers. I am now recovered and am very relaxed about my children's food intake. I would say it's around 80% wholly nutritious and 20% treats.
I would be VERY concerned about those little girls and their presumably morbid fear of unhealthy food

But you dont know what the children are eating.
Just because they have never had ice-cream (my cousin didn't like the coldness of ice-cream etc and to this day she hasn't eaten any) doesnt mean that they are not having other treats. I suspect they eat some yummy puddings.

Only read first half of the thread but Pigletto - YES - see my AIBU thread about a woman I met the other day who drives her own 3 year old round without a child seat - there wasn't even one in the car.

Agree with Capuccino - she might have been misquoted a little. It definitely happens.

ps. totally agree that avoiding playdates for this reason would be crazy and that taking your own food to birthday parties even more so. I bet these friends would dump her for that were she not Jamie's Mrs.