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Is this normal? Jools Oliver avoids playdates because she worries about whether the other mums at their school drive safely and stap their children in

174 replies

onceinalifetime · 01/09/2008 11:17

Interview with Jools Oliver (doesn't want to be in the public eye but launching new book ).

Anyone else this paranoid?

"Jools admits to being a 'total control freak' as a mother, to the point where she avoids play dates for her girls because she worries about whether the other mums at their school 'drive safely and strap their children in'.

She screams with laughter when I mention the hand wash (which has the antibacterial strength to resist MRSA) in her downstairs loo, acknowledging that she is very 'overprotective' of her girls, which sometimes causes friction between her and Jamie.

'I find it hard to let go, even when Jamie has them. He always tells me to stop phoning him to check on them ? I drive him mad! I never bother him when he's at work, but when he has the kids I will ring to say, "Have you eaten yet, because it's one o'clock?" or, "Don't get Daisy's new dress muddy."

'We took them to Disneyland in Paris and Jamie insisted on taking them on rides they weren't tall enough to go on and I said, "I hate you for this."

'But I know they need the balance. They need Jamie to give them some germs, some mud and some danger,' she says, with a resigned expression on her face.

Jools is blessed with an openness and an honesty that, at times, makes you feel as protective towards her as she is to her family. She worries terribly about how she will cope as her children grow older.

No matter how she protects them now and attempts to instil in them sound values (she is a stickler for 'good manners', making the girls write thank-you letters for birthday presents, and always 'minding their Ps and Qs'), she is aware of the dangers of the teenage years.

'Keeping your virginity is important; it's part of growing up properly. I am not religious, but that is one of my main concerns for my girls ? no drugs, no smoking, and please don't have sex, girls, until you are?well, old enough. I don't mean you have to be married, but I just don't want any abortions. It's not that I disagree with those things, it's just that I want them to do what I did, really.'

But the worries of bringing her two daughters safely to adulthood haven't put Jools or Jamie off the idea of extending their family."

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onceinalifetime · 01/09/2008 12:28

Crokky, I'm not calling her names but I am also not sure that this is the 'very best' - they need independence and confidence too and this usually means trusting them and letting them learn things themselves. Social interaction is also important and to deny them this (if that really is what she does) due to unfounded worries about car seats, etc seems a shame, if nothing else.

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meglet · 01/09/2008 12:29

I make DS do thank you notes, but also make sure he gets muddy in the garden - no no no to anti-bac hand wash though!

Bit silly to avoid play dates, I'm sure the mums she hangs around with have good cars kitted out for driving kids in.

escape · 01/09/2008 12:30

No Crokky
It's NOT normal.
being overly concerned about your childs safety in avehicle is perfectly normal.
not allowing them to attend playdates because of this IS NOT
caring about how our children eat is perfectly normal.
Taking your own food to birthday parties (without allergy issues) IS NOT

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Oblomov · 01/09/2008 12:33

Yeah, when was being 'totally neurotic' o.k. ?
She needs help, to deal with her neurosois. Not just laugh it off.

Oblomov · 01/09/2008 12:34

Disagree with crokky.

TheArmadillo · 01/09/2008 12:35

crokky she is a control freak - see threads on here for how much damage that does to children.

Yet at the time it gets excused by everyone around the child as 'only wanting the best for them'.

Children shouldn't have to pay (and they will pay a big price) for their parents neuroses.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 01/09/2008 12:37

Totally disagree with crokky.

OrmIrian · 01/09/2008 12:42

DOing the best for your children does not equate to smothering them. Quite the opposite.

Pruners · 01/09/2008 12:47

Message withdrawn

DrNortherner · 01/09/2008 12:48

Thay've never had an ice cream? If that's true I find that quite sad.

ellideb · 01/09/2008 12:51

Traditional mothers- like from the 1950's- dresses in flowery dresses, stay at home to bring up kids, slightly twee, home cooking, Enid Blyton books, old-fashioned values and manners.

Lovely and unique.

NomDePlume · 01/09/2008 12:53

slightly twee ?!

She is Queen Twee of Tweetown

CatIsSleepy · 01/09/2008 12:54

sending them to parties with their own food is just freakish IMO

msdemeanor · 01/09/2008 12:55

Hardly unique if so easily defined, methinks.
She can afford to play dress up all day. Reminds me, mind you, of Paula Yates (for all us oldies) who used to talk about wearing flowery dresses and having cheese on toast by a roaring fire with her cherubs and not going to work, and joining the WI. And look how she ended up!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 01/09/2008 12:57

I am like this.
I know I shouldn't be, but its an irrational fear of something happening to my child when I am not there to prevent it.
I do let others look after her (family/childminder) but I do sometimes get cold sweats.
Somebody else driving her freaks me out (illogically) and I do have the "what if she isn't strapped in properly" moments.
I have a fear of her stopping anywhere overnight. Just in case something happens in the house and I wasn't there.
But I do appreciate I'm slightly neurotic.

ellideb · 01/09/2008 13:02

Of course she's unique, I mean how many mothers can you compare her to this day and age? Not many methinks.

Cappuccino · 01/09/2008 13:04

god you lot are a nest of vipers today

clearly the woman has not tried not to come across as a madwoman which is a good thing imo

knowing you are a madwoman is always a good thing

I know I am

msdemeanor · 01/09/2008 13:07

It fucks me off, to be honest, when people who are so insanely priveleged completely fail to see that their lifestyle is largely the result of their money and (borrowed) fame and starts to beleive that everyone else can play afford to play horsie with their moppets all day just like her.
I suspect she even thinks she got her publishing deals through her sheer talent and writing ability....

ellideb · 01/09/2008 13:11

Live and let live FGS!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 01/09/2008 13:13

"knowing you are a madwoman is always a good thing"

I'm sure somebody told me that as long as your think you're crazy / a mad woman, then you're most likely NOT. Its when you think you're perfectly sane that you have a problem

msdemeanor · 01/09/2008 13:14

Oh and I am so tired of being lectured on my lifestyle by people who have so much time and money and no fricking idea.
It's like Bono telling me I have to save the planet when he once paid £1,700 to have his favourite hat flown first class to America. Twat.
Or Branson's waste of space son poncing around the Artic (presumably he didn't walk there) and then having the GALL to tell the likes of me to save energy!

sprogger · 01/09/2008 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian · 01/09/2008 13:16

msd - rofl at playing horsie with the moppets

Marina · 01/09/2008 13:24

Even Jamie won't have been allowed to blag his undersized offspring onto Disneyland rides they are not eligible for, so that part of it is a lie "daft old me" hyperbole.
I don't buy into any of this Jools and Jamie stuff so am definitely in the live and let live camp, with a big pukka side order of Could I Care Less grilled polenta smiley faces.
We all have our parenting panic buttons. I think third party car safety is a reasonable concern although I'd probably only veto playdates with known dangerous driver households, rather than a blanket ban.
Whoever said that actually the Olivers live in a weird privilege bubble that must be very hard for her, especially (re people trying to suck up to you at the school gates etc) is right. I would not want her life at all. She's on her own with her daughters a lot of the time, I bet.

onceinalifetime · 01/09/2008 13:28

I feel a bit sorry for her - she sounds quite lonely.

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