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Original poster

Woman has just punched my son

152 replies

Hollowhead · 28/08/2008 18:03

My son came in with tears in his eyes a few minutes ago and a red mark on his face. Turns out he had a run in with a neighbours son (same age, 10) and threatened to punch him next time he saw him going to shop on his own the kid then went running in to his mum and told her what DS had said and she came out giving DS loads and saying he was the kind of kid that would end up in prison by the time he was 18 and she also said he and his friends were the reason another neighbour moved recently.

DS then retaliated and called her a fat ugly cow and said he was going to set their cat on fire she told him she was coming around to tell me what he'd said and would be reporting him to the police and ds said "go on then, I'll put your fucking windows through" so she said to him "come here and shout your mouth off, you think you're so big and clever" and so DS did and she grabbed hold of him and smacked him across the face (he said she punched him, she admits she slapped him, not punched). DS then tried to kick her and her husband came out and starting saying to his wife "keep him there, I'll knock his cocky fucking head off" and she then pushed DS over full force so he actually fell into the road and told him to "fuck off".

Obviously I went around to see what the hell has been happening and she said she pushed him away because if her husband had got a hold of him he would've killed him!

I KNOW ds is not innocent in this but to actually punch someone elses kid? Would I be over-reacting to report this to the police?

OP posts:
maidezmoi · 31/08/2008 15:09

Sounds like the neighbours did society a favour. I'd give em a medal not call the police

ScummyMummy · 31/08/2008 15:21

Agree with kerrymum to an extent. Slapping a child round the face is absolutely out of order, and so is pushing a child into the road and so is holding a child so your husband can come over to "knock his cocky fucking head off." No matter what a child says said or does this is clearly completely unjustifiable. However, I agree also with Marina and others that I would be very worried if my children were behaving in this way and I think perhaps the time has come to seek some help, Hollowhead. Your son sounds like a very unhappy little boy and I would feel desperately worried about him in your shoes. Is there anything in your area that might help? Youth clubs? Playschemes? Sports clubs? School based activities? Counselling? Do his school have any advice? Can you do a bit more with him on a one to one basis and maybe start a grounding system so that he doesn't get to play out if you learn of poor behaviour on his part?

Also, I'd advise being v careful about your reputation in the neighbourhood. Getting a reputation as the neighbours from hell can backfire hugely these days. Housing providers really are getting their acts together on evictions for anti-social behaviour and you may run the risk of losing your home if your neighbours perceive you this way and complain (if you have a social landlord). Do they run a neighbourhood mediation scheme in your area? It sounds like you and your neighbours need to make up a bit and agree on some ground rules for your kids, maybe.

Good luck, if you are not a troll.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 15:31

ScummyMummy, is that so?

Unless you can provide PROOF of this bad behaviour, such as photographing or filming it as it occurs, scumbags can behave as brats safe in the knowledge that they have a house over their heads and suffering neighbours can do nothing at all.

When do you walk around with a camera? I have SEEN my neigbhour open up her door and fling dogpoo on my house, and throw fruit and vegetables on my house, and throw all her used teabags onto my frontdoor, thus staining it, but I have never filmed it. So it is my word against hers, and all that happens is more retaliation! Housing Officers dont give a flying fuck, in my experience, as only if you have photographic evidence, can they do something.

ScummyMummy · 31/08/2008 15:39

Oh yuck, Quints. Sounds vile. Poor you. I have noticed a more assertive approach coming in to deal with these types of issue. Slowly. Probably depends a bit on where exactly you live though and what your housing officer/ landlord is like. I would certainly take some photos in your situation and keep a log of when this is happening, though.

2shoes · 31/08/2008 15:39

kerrymum, COME AND LIVE IN ,my house and put up with the kids up the road.
even though the op is most likely a troll, I can really understand why someone would loose it and hit a kid. I can really understand it.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 16:28

Scummymummy, I have plenty of photos of what she has done, but they dont prove it is her! As long as I havent photographed/filmed her in the act, it means nothing. Not even when my dh recorded her on his phone threatening to have me bumped off by heavies, and I should be effing afraid to even leave my front door, for asking her to not throw a ready made food carton in my head as I walked past, was there anything that could be done.

KerryMum · 31/08/2008 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nervousal · 31/08/2008 16:45

pretty sure this is a troll. Yes there are plenty of places where behaviour like this is considered the norm - but I doubt very much that the mums in question would come on here asking for advice???

Ripeberry · 31/08/2008 16:56

Sorry, but it's parents like you who go running first thing to the police, saying the nasty neighbours have slapped my DS!
YOU SHOULD be the one out there sorting it out and then give your DS a slap as he deserves it!
You need to look really hard at yourself and the way you have brought up your son, as he sounds like a right troublemaker and congratulations to the neighbours for standing up to him!

Ripeberry · 31/08/2008 17:05

Hollowhead, you may live in a rough area.
Does not mean you have TO BE like it.
You must be intelligent, you know how to use a computer .
But seriously, you need to sort your lad out as it will only go one way in the end and you know it will.
Turn yourself around now, before it's too late for your son!

ScummyMummy · 31/08/2008 17:38

Is it just you she targets, Quint? If you get a few people complaining at once it is treated a bit differently, perhaps. Or maybe it all depends on your area. I've been very surprised at how many neighbour disputes are resulting in court action recently round my way though. (I'm a social worker in inner London and it's v common for people I work with to find their neighbours a big trial one way or another.)

Janni · 31/08/2008 17:57

'Everyone is very very hypocritical here'

Many posts on this thread have been diametrically opposed. How can you accuse everyone of being very hypocritical, KM.

Lowrib - that was a really good post. Good luck with your baby.

Quintessential - poor you. I really feel for you.

Janni · 31/08/2008 17:59

Agree with Scummymummy about the power of a bunch of neighbours acting together against someone so antisocial, Quint. I there any chance of that??

donnie · 31/08/2008 18:04

Quintessential - that sounds terrible. I really feel for you.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 18:40

The neighbours have all complained about her. One of my neighbour is actually a housing manager for a different area, and even she has had a word with the director of housing at our area, that she has witnessed things, to little avail. She was actually evicted from a different estate for this sort of behaviour, but still managed to get herself a lovely 3 bed house with huge garden next to ME. Hers is the only house left that is still council on the estate, all the others bought their houses some 15 years ago. Pretty little neighbour hood of mostly elderly people. I think that the problem is that they cant move her, as the only other options is flats. And she will then spread her rubbish outside the flat and surrounding grounds, rather than on the properties of homeowners. I think the council rather contain her in a house with garden (she is a hoarder, her garden is huge, but filled with junk that just magically appear at night. From broken tricycles to ironing boards and tyres..... Evicting her would mean the council has to clear it up, and renovate it from top to bottom after having HER there for nearly 10 years. It is not cost effective use of council money. I might be wrong though.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2008 18:41

Oh, dont worry about me, I have moved out. I am letting the house out. I just hope it will be possible to sell it one day, with such a neighbour.

Janni · 31/08/2008 19:35

Glad you have got out. She sounds mentally ill.

tigermoth · 31/08/2008 19:41

Your neighbour sounds awful, quintessentialshadow.

Assuming the op is genuine (and I really don't know one way or the other) I hope hollowhead comes back to this thread to give her views on the varied advice she has got.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 31/08/2008 21:17

i posted this earlier after saying that i didn't think the op was a troll as she'd posted before, and generally being concerned about the situation... i then read one of her previous posts and i guess i heard 'trip trap...'

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=587770#11991977

AbbeyA · 31/08/2008 21:48

Either her anti social DS is a great communicator and she has a photographic memory of what he said, or he repeated it several times while she wrote it down or she made the whole thing up. I know which I go for!

threestars · 31/08/2008 21:54

After reading other thread found by nlcbsap, I reckon poster is a man. Someone's husband who resents the time dw spends on mumsnet.

nolongerchunkybutstillapudding · 31/08/2008 21:57

i mean seriously has any woman you know ever ever told you that they have had a 'banging shit'???

i swear like a fishwife and even i wouldn't say that.

ScottishMummy · 31/08/2008 22:07

lol maybe pottymouth troll with digestive discomfort

threestars · 31/08/2008 22:12

!!!!!!

pamelat · 01/09/2008 19:30

I don't mean this to sound patronising at all but am just trying to think of the long term implications.

What about the following ...

You go round (calmly) to see this woman and explain that you are sorry for the behaviour of your son, explain his problems at school and how he didnt really mean it and ask him whether she would also come to yours (calmly) and apologise to your son (I don't think that slapping him was acceptable but he said some terrible things and I can see why it happened). Tell her that you wont be calling the police but that you are upset (I would stick to words like "upset and hurt" rather than angry - as sounds like it could all get even more heated?)

With this apology, your son may also feel that he wants to apologise. Don't push him though, he probably feels like the victim here. Explain to her beforehand that he may not apologise, he is only 10, and that you are doing so on his behalf. Let her tell your son WHY she hit him, he may see the point for himself then?

I just think that some calm "debate" and apology may help. You dont want it to make it worse.

Not read all of the tread so my reply may be out of context, but some mediation seems to be needed?

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