The Motherhood Delusion

[SantaLucia]

A thread to safely house all the thoughts that you are ashamed to admit. Example:

Why did we have children?

When does it all become worth it?

The day my child was born was NOT the best day of my life (it was my wedding) and I absolutely remember the pain and the boredom of being in hospital.

I can't be bothered reading about child development.

The health visitor is not worth a trip in the rain with a sleeping baby.

Thank goodness I'm over that "newborn" stage. Roll on year 5!

Star,
This is a negative thread yes, it invites negative comments BUT

The best thig any one ever said to me on here when i was pregnant with my 1st was
"have you evr seen the Wizard of Oz movie?
Well, the bit in it where Dorothy steps out of the black and white and into the colour....that is what becoming a mum is like, that is what your child will bring to your life"

This is the truest statement and description that i have ever been given.

So perspective and just see for yourself, motherhood is a very very individual experience.

My comments come because of PND, this is a huge influence.

Thanks, that's a lovely quote
I hope things get better for you.

I know that I should just stay away from threads like these... (and I'm sure someone will come along soon and just tell me to not read it until my own child arrives in the world). I'm just so curious to know the "truth" behind things now ever since I found out about the absolutely horrible, terrible, awful things that happen to your body in childbirth! It does not sound magical at all.

I have to say I do not feel that parenthood brings out the best in me. I spend most of my time trying to avoid doing things that my children would enjoy and/or benefit from.

Oh, and they've been away all week - all three of them, the Inferiorettes and their dad - and I've felt like a lying husband saying 'I'm working late' when he's actually sipping a martini in the arms of a floozy, as I say "darlings, I miss you" from the blessed solitude I reckon I've got 35 more minutes of...

Motherinferior, totally agree with your sentiments: my dear DS 1+2 have just spent 10 days with their grandparents and everybody I meet thinks I am joking when I answer "No" to their remark "you must be missing them terribly". It is true that it was nice to see them all smiley when they came back, but equally I really enjoyed 10 days with DS3, 19 weeks old, and quite happy to watch DVD sets of Grey's Anatomy and similar as long as a booby was forthcoming every now and then .
Also, NO FIGHTING! How relaxing!!
Star, much as I love this thread for letting off steam and also for seeing that I am not some lone psychopath (well, at least not lone, there seems to be lots of us), take it with a pinch of salt... : I am quite sure I would be bored rigid if I had never had any children - having said that, personally I am glad I did not have them particularly young as I would not have had the patience in my 20s. maybe now I do not have the same energy, though.
Good luck with your pregnancy, delivery and getting to know your baby. There are cute, sensible, sleeping, easy babies out there, honest, it's just that I have not been blessed with one of them .

Santalucia - you've hit the nail on the head (so to speak). DH will never understand the mental effort needed to continually be thinking ahead of time. Its utterly exhausting.

I love my DS more than I ever thought possible. However, simply saying being a parent is hardwork doesn't even begin to truly explain the absolute exhaution and frustration I feel from day to day and I only have one!!

I hate the way I cannot legitimately strap my 5 year old into his 2 year old brother's pushchair and let him suck the bloody dummy, the way he craves to do. It would be easier, everyone would be happier, and on holiday this is exactly what I did. Ds2 walked until he was swaying (and happy) Ds1 sat in the pushchair sucking a frigging dummy (and was quiet, didn't run off or moan once, and was happy) and I got back from the beach in utter peace.

Why do I allow shame to dictate what I should and shouldn't do?

I miss doing something, anything in peace. I've just got back from Tesco where DD (5yo) announced "I'm going to make emergency vehicle noises now - woooooo! woooooo! wooooo!" over and over and sodding over again. I tried to ignore it but soon got to the point where my brains were about to explode all over the wall so I asked her to stop. She said "ok then, I'll do this noise instead... bep! bep! bep! bep! bep! bep!"

Loving this thread - seems I am normal after all

My middle child, dd aged 5 in November, still sits in the double buggy on the school run. It makes my life 10 times easier at that precise time, she is happy, I am happy (er). I know people comment about it behind my back. I don't care, they don't have to live with her.

I wish I could have a lie in. I know that time is my precious Mummy and DD time. I'd still take the lie in.

I wish I'd waited, too. I don't say that at all in RL. My DD is the best thing in my whole world, but still I wish I'd waited for her. And I wasn't too young by most standards.

I wish I'd got my postgrad exams first. The minutiae of bloody molecular genetics after having been up since 5:30, done dress-wipe-clean-feed-wash, walked 4 miles, worked 8 hours, bathed, cuddled, coloured, sang, smiled and clapped... is just TOO HARD. And no-one seems to get it, after all it is all my fault.

I like newborns. Actually, I like my toddler. I'm just knackered. I want to find me, but whenever I try or get the chance I am too tired to do it. And then I despair that there is actually nothing of me left.

If I had to do all this on my own I...wouldn't. Couldn't.

Liz - you would and could. You find it, from somewhere. I think the endlessness of it all makes us hugely un-selfconfident and we talk ourselves down.

Ah yes - the endlessness. THAT.

Yesterday on this thread I nearly posted how I would just love a week, one week, away from - well - everything. 7 days - that's all I'd ask for. I think I could get so much done. Or maybe I would just get nothing done. But the thing is, the endlessness of it would be interrupted. I can't see that happening for years though. And that can be a pretty fucking horrendous thought. This from me - who has it so much easier than so many. Christ knows how they do it. I bow to them.

PMSL You know when you look at the 'threads I'm watching' page, how it shows you the first line of a post? Well Liz, your most recent post shows there as "I would just love a wee" - I thought to myself ooooh, I know just what she means, can't even have a wee in peace. Then I looked at your whole post and saw that you were actually saying "I would just love a week off"

groundhog day doesn't begin to describe it

I look after my 3 mostly alone as DH is military and away a lot. Next weekend I am going away, ALONE, for 10 days, to see my terminally ill dad. I feel so incredibly guilty that I don't know what I am looking forward to the most, seeing my dad or not having to be mummy for 10 days

I actually would just love a wee as I've had a bottle of beer.

Yay for saturday night!

Crackfox, I think, I do sometimes say "fuck off" in my head

Loads of people say to me "you are such a good Mum" but, Jesus, I snap sometimes and end up ranting like a mad woman.

Why does my DD change her clothes ten times before we go out?? Why when i've rpaised her up when she has got dressed nicely, does she decide her socks/top/whatever are tickling her and have to change again?? Why, Goddammit, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????

LOL Crackfox. Your comment has given me a much needed laugh as was feeling very about whole parenting thing tonight!

I do sometimes actually mutter this under my breath, v v quietly of course.

I seem to have developed a form of motherhood tourettes since I had DS-my worst utterings were during the long months of night feeds.

DS is four now but bloody &%$%&(&%(%$£$$£&%%%%&*....it doesn't get any easier does it? DOES IT???

Also, have been snapping a lot and DH tells me I sound like a fishwife...helpful.

i am desperate for the holidays to end and for soem of them to go back to school / nursery

i think wistfully of the day when the youngest leaves home

it woudl be lovely to have a lie in. or even make love without someone banging on the bedroom door shouting " i've done a poo in the toilet and now there is poo on my hands"

They're great when they reach thirty. You can sit and watch DVDs with them, gossip and eat chocolate!

MM

Breastfeeding is not some wonderful mother-baby bonding time, it is tedious,repetitive and often sore/painful. At 2am in the morning I am not looking at him adoringly thinking about the miracle of the human body that enables me to nourish him but thinking please finish soon and not be windy so I can go back to sleep.

OK my dsis is 14 weeks pg with her first. Dare I send this thread to her?