That's interesting Roseability and Fennel. I'm sure women had it worse years ago. I am not very well read but I've always thought it was interesting during the last century that Victorian women with PND were deemed to be 'hysterical'/mad and put into institutions and given ECT (although it may have helped some of them). Plus the unmarried mothers who were treated in the same way.
I think you are lucky in your partner and lucky in both your jobs, MI. There are enlightened men and there are enlightened organisations. They are often organisations who are looking for the best people and are willing to offer good working practices and flexibility in order to attract them. It is interesting also what Fennel has said about Sweden. Even with government encouragement, men's behaviour is difficult to change. I can't see any government, particularly not ours and not in this economic climate, enforcing flexible working rights for men.
Things are getting better, slowly, but for people who don't have access to the type of job/organisation which supports parenthood, the only foolproof method that exists currently for women to maintain a career, and an identity other than motherhood, is to go back asap after the birth, continue with your full-time career, act as if you don't have children, secure (and be able to afford) full-time child-care and domestic help, or a house-husband, such that you are not totally exhausted by trying to do everything at the same time. You miss out on spending a lot of time with your children but you keep your career, your financial independence, your identity. You are effectively a weekend parent (if that) but you do have a family to enjoy on high-days and holidays and someone else does the drudge work. We will call this the Xenia option.
Or, you want to look after your children yourself, or you think you do, or you think you should, or you fall for an idea of motherhood based solely on tv advertisements for nappies showing perfect mothers cuddling perfect babies, or you can't afford childcare, etc.....this leads you to variations on the other option, compromising your professional career in order to look after your children yourself, working fewer hours or changing jobs to work part-time (usually less well-paid), but this option may involve a lot of the risks we have been talking about in this thread.
Relatively few women are in a position to achieve the illusive balance between the two options. i.e. a well-paid, interesting, high-status, part-time, flexible job that still allows them to spend time with their children and have the best of both worlds.
For women who are single parents, there is often even less choice and employers assume they will be unreliable, due to childcare, and are reluctant to take them on at all.
We do all have a choice, but it sometimes doesn?t seem like much of a one.