I had 3 children very close together ( 3 in 3 years and 2 months).
It has been so very hard and I freely admit that I may have decided against having children if I'd known what was involved. My parents encouraged me to have an education and become a professional,independent woman. They didn't teach me about motherhood or how to run a home. As an eighties girl, it was emancipation and career all the way which I pursued. I always thought I would have children though and being an only child, I wanted to have more than one if I could, as my experience was a lonely one. But as no-one prepared me for the practicalities of childrearing it hit me like car crash. I don't think I've ever come to terms with being a sucessful teacher one minute to being at home alone with a baby the next.Maybe part of me never will.
I'm extremely lucky in that my children are all healthy and very loving. But I cannot afford to go back to work due to very high childcare costs and the fact that my husband earns three times my wage in IT in the city compared to my middle management teacher's wage.
So we are having to manage on one salary in London as my DH can't get a similar wage elsewhere and I'm trapped as a housewife now. I have never been so exhausted and fed up in all my life if I'm honest. Of course, I adore my kids but I wish I could work even if just part-time and that my DH would support me more in the household chores.
I really feel married to my house and totally chained to the kitchen sink. Going out with 3 kids under 4 on my own is a total nightmare but if I stay in they make mess faster than I can tidy up! During the week, it's an endless round of pre-schools, boring play groups, the park or the playground.
The endless stream of cooking, washing, continuous tidying, dealing with poo, dressing/undressing them, etc etc... I find utterly overwhelming. The emotional drain they place me is never ending and somedays I'm at my wits end.
I didn't have postnatal despression- more a kind of shift in my entire personality trying to cope with all their needs. ( DD4, DS3 and DD 16 months).I have gone from being a professional, smartly dressed, confident, attractive size 8 31 year old to an exhausted, badly dressed frumpy, baggy eyed, saggy boobed, size 14 36 year old trout. ( I know a size 14 is average but it looks big on my frame) I had two sections ( one emergency- the other planned due to complications) and my body is a wreck.I just 6 years I have been transformed into Mrs Mop.
To top it all, I have a severely torn abdomen and an umbilical hernia which needs surgery. I get a free tummy tuck thrown in but next year I face a major operation that I really don't want. I can't even look in the mirror at my body- the bulging which makes me look 5 months pregnant and flabby bingo arms. Who is this woman?!!! I feel so ugly it's untrue.I'm still wearing maternity clothes because of this condition and my youngest is now 16 months!
I'm just a 1950\s housewife now {without the style . My DH hardly helps me at all with the housework. He works long hours and wasn't brought up to keep house. I have no time to pursue my hobby or ambitions. I have MA in creative writing and would love to write but finding the time is out of the question.I scream at my kids like a hussy and have the patience of a knat. My marriage never gets any attention, my DH and I have never been away even for a weekend on our own for 5 years. We have very little family support and although I have lots of friends- they all have young children! So they bring them round to my house to create even more mess!
I've not had one night's sleep in 5 years either.
Motherhood is just about being a servant to your children and partner. If I had the money to employ a cleaner/nanny, a supportive family network and could work -part time , I'm sure it would be far easier to cope.
It was my choice to have children and I have taken full responsibility for that as a SAHM.I try to be the best that I can to them and love them dearly but the price I've paid is just too much. I've sacrificed my career, my financial independence, my freedom, my hobbies and become a drudge.
I want to be a good role model and work but I know I can't until my youngest is in school in 4 years time. If I had my time again, I'd have had just one child and gone back to work full-time. I feel very let down by feminism and society. The lack of affordable, quality childcare is a real issue for me.
I look back with sadness that all my daydreams and hopes for my own development have gone. Sound selfish but I feel my life has been entirely subsumed by the needs of others.
I totally resent the way everything revolves around the mother and not a father's role as well. The fact that my husband can have a career and children drives me insane.
I've had 5 yeas of groundhog day ( cooking, cleaning ,tidying etc) and have at least another 5 to look forward to before I can even begin claw some of life back.
It's not being a mother in itself I don't like because I adore my kids. It's the responsibility on a daily basis with no one to help, the sheer physical hard grind slaving for no pay, lack of personal time and total exhaustion. I feel it's just too much for one person and I find it really hard to cope alone with the isolation and entrapment within the home that this' job' brings.
People say to me that I'm giving them such a good start and how lovely my kids are and that is some comfort to me. Having a larger family does have rewards but sometimes it's hard to see. My neighbour has one child and they go out, can easily get baby-sitters, they get 'me time', she works from home and they have soooo much more disposable income.
Having 3 kids is often fun when they are all playing happily together and they'll grow up as a group which is great for them. I hope I change my view of motherhood as they get older as right now I'm stuck in a rut. I feel that feminism sold me lie about having both a career and children. Doing both for me has not been possible and I had to make a very difficult choice. Sorry for he long message- getting my feelings off my chest.