Using reins on small children

[Mylobsterteapot]

I'm in Stage 2 of adoption, and in a converation with my social worker about boundaries I mentioned that I would ensure a child was safe near a busy road by using a buggy, a carrier or reins if I wasn't confident the small child would hold my hand.

She said that the use of reins isn't recommended. I've seen loads of my friends using little backpacks with a lead on their 2-4 year olds when needed.

Are reins that bad? I had some in the 90's, and I've turned out fine. I know this isn't a barometer for all parenting choices, but still.

We use them loads precisely to give DS chance to explore. He's only 18 months but he can sprint. We don't tug him, but it means we have a back up if he suddenly heads towards the road, a pond or a dog. If we didn't, he'd have to stay in his pram all the time. He's free range where it's safe. He actually likes them because he knows he's in charge of direction and that we have to follow! I think he views it as taking us for a walk, not the other way round

This is so dumb that it actually hurt to read.

You don’t have to hold their hand with reins, hence all the “I want to give my child independence” comments, ie, not hold their hand and deal with complaining/ tantrums.
It’s quite literally in the design of reins that you don’t have to hold your child’s hand so it’s ironic to call me dim.

Imagine bringing up a brutally assaulted and murdered child to try and prove your point and then stating “did I hit a nerve?” You’re a disgusting person.

😂

We're not at that age yet (1 yr old) but I'd absolutely use them if I needed to, in certain situations and if my son is a runner.

I might not have said that before I was a parent myself. It gives you a different perspective.

Just smile and nod to the social worker and do what you need to do.

It's not a binary choice between using reins and teaching your child how to walk safely. Most rein users manage to do both.

I felt like I was walking a poorly trained dog and like people were really judging me so I didn’t love them for those reasons but I don’t know why people judge them

I can speak with some authority here that the SW isn’t making sense. There isn’t anything wrong with using reins, those little life backpacks were an absolute godsend for us, and our little ones enjoyed putting their toys in them before we could go out and about.

Lazy parenting is not bothering to add an extra element of safety for a walk with your child, where you do hold hands. It's not one or the other situation.

You're smug and I hope you are lucky enough to remain smug but should your toddler ever slip your hand on a busy road or carpark, you would be blaming yourself forever for not bothering to also strap on an emergency rein.

Janes Bulger was an awful tragedy but it happened in 1993, over thirty years ago. Use of reins is nowhere near as common but child abduction by strangers has plummeted.

Mrs Presley’s child must have been killed in the early 1980s, so over forty years ago. Likewise, traffic fatalities involving children have decreased dramatically despite cars becoming far more common.

Use them if you want to, but don’t use extreme tragedies to make out they are an essential part of parenting and that if you don’t use them you are neglecting your children.

Hope the adoption goes well ❤️

Nothing wrong with reins to keep little runners safe, did they give a reason as to why they are so adverse to them?

As a side note, for any little houdinis, back packs (as cute as they are) are quite easy for the child to remove as the clips I have seen are at the front and go over the chest and only require a one click press, easy enough for little hands.

Although they may have changed the designs of the clips on the back packs now, if they haven't, they definitely should they are very cute but not a safe option if the child is willing to break free from them.

My two were not compliant enough for reins. They just faught the 'lead' out of my hand and ran off every time.

We tried ot probably twice thry ended up taking us for a walk so we have up so I have no opinion either way

I still can't think of a specific reason not to use them apart from the pearl clutching if somone chose to that is sure they didn't work for us

I agree with this.

I have one child who never needed reigns and it would have felt silly to me. I have another who no one, not me, my husband, grandparents, ANYONE, would be willing to take out in public without backpack reigns. At the time no one knew he had SEN. But from age 2 to 3, he would always be holding an adult’s hand and the reigns were a backup for if he slipped his hand out and bolted - which, thankfully, was rare but not something I was willing to risk.

We probably stopped using them by age 4, but even now you cannot take him out without holding his hand for every single second.

I remember looking on at other children slowly ambling alongside their parent, completely hands-free, and feeling like my child existed on a different planet to them. I think if your only experience of children is the placid ambling type, you just wouldn’t get it. My other child was perfectly fine walking, it was so very different.

Absolutely off topic, but transparent Gorilla tape is the answer.

I used rains when my little one was just learning to walk and was to small to hold my hand. I think it helped because they got used to walking near me and then holding my hand on the pavement and I think using rains was a good first step towards being road and pavements safe. Really helpful get on trains and busses !

I think you are being cruel imprisoning a child in a pushchair when they should be walking.

Would you you use the same logic with a dog - put it in a pushchair? Or would you rather a dog was left to roam the busy streets without a lead?

@Peonies12 we used reins on DD as soon as she could walk, so it always felt normal to her.

@strictlybusinessuntildecember you obviously had very biddable children who weren't bolters. Not all children are like yours.

Reins seem like such a relic. There’s really no need for them in normal life, it doesn’t teach the child anything about listening or safety.
It’s lazy parenting to tie your child to you rather than paying attention to them and laying the foundation for learning.

@Arbourimage That is tosh and you know it. Again, you must have had very biddable, non bolting children. And maybe you were short enough to hold a tiny toddler's hand comfortably? I find your comments rude and ill judged. Parents who use reins put their children's safety above all else.

@ohmaaaan Some mumsnetters absolutely do have bolting children and many have autistic children who really do require the precaution of reins. Again, not all children are like yours.

We used reins when DD was tiny because:

1. We are both tall and found it uncomfortable to hold her hand and walk while bending down
2. We lived on an unmade up road with no pavements and when she tripped it prevented grazed knees because we could pull her up before she fell
3. We walked a lot and making her walk with an arm up in the air for an hour would have been very uncomfortable for her
4. Small children are very good at wriggling out of a hand hold, and to prevent this we would probably have hurt her hand by squeezing it too tightly
5. Most importantly - safety

I have the image of the anti reins posters of being vertically challenged, smugly perfect parents lacking the emotional intelligence to understand that all children and people's circumstances are different.

@RampantIvy I’m not disputing that. What annoys me on these threads (apart from the terrible spelling!) is the insistence that reins are absolutely essential, why wouldn’t you, James Bulger would still be alive; Mrs Presley’s child would still be alive. It’s in poor taste and is patently untrue given that abductions and traffic deaths have gone down over the same period reins have largely stopped being used.

If you want to use them, by all means do. I don’t like them but it’s just personal taste.

Reins are fine if used alongside learning to hold hands and stopping when asked to. So reins on as a back up incase they slip your grip holding hands. Using them as some kind of walking lead doesn't teach them how to walk safely with you.

We used reins with DD1 ehen I had two under 2 years old. Her nickname was Duracell as she would keep going for hours. She didnt want to be in a pushchair. I couldnt chase with a pushchair. She also had hearing problems.

DD2 copied her big sister.

I dont care one bit if anyone judged me for keeping them happy and safe. We walked at least an hour a day, often more, going to parks, toddler groups, the supermarket, nursery etc as I often didnt have the car during the day.

Reins do not teach children to listen, to walk sensibly or to have danger awareness of the road.

At 12 months old I can guarantee my DD was not listening to me about safety nor had any danger awareness (she could walk from 10.5). And she was a runner. I have strong memories of having a picnic in the park with friends, and having to dash after her every 5 minutes. So when we walked nears lakes or cars, reins it was.

should your toddler ever slip your hand on a busy road or carpark, you would be blaming yourself forever for not bothering to also strap on an emergency rein.

Imagine saying this to someone. Sort yourself out.

I work in a large supermarket and wish more parents would use reins for free running toddlers . Full trollies and little ones who can’t be seen are a recipe for disaster. Don’t get me started on children who stand in the trollies . We have had a couple go over the front and end up going to hospital.

I don't think that reins are an essential but you have to be very focussed on what the child is doing at all times and ready to respond as soon as they do something. Reins as a back up was easier than constant vigilance for me.

I’m sure there are plenty wonderful social workers but there are plenty who don’t have kids or any knowledge of them other than what they’ve been told. Bring your kids up how you see fit, there’s far bigger issues they should be focusing on 🙄 FWIW I loved using reins and think they actually give more freedom in busy places where I’d otherwise keep them in a buggy like the zoo, theme parks, high street, markets, etc.