Using reins on small children

[Mylobsterteapot]

I'm in Stage 2 of adoption, and in a converation with my social worker about boundaries I mentioned that I would ensure a child was safe near a busy road by using a buggy, a carrier or reins if I wasn't confident the small child would hold my hand.

She said that the use of reins isn't recommended. I've seen loads of my friends using little backpacks with a lead on their 2-4 year olds when needed.

Are reins that bad? I had some in the 90's, and I've turned out fine. I know this isn't a barometer for all parenting choices, but still.

We live on a busy road, you can bet your ass we used (and still using for the toddler) reins when walking along it with them and in other places where we deemed it necessary. They weren't bolters and strap was looped over my wrist while they walked and held my hand but it gave an extra level of safety.

An absolute necessity for some.toddlers.

I didn’t generally use them, but that was because I didn’t need to. I had only had one child to keep safe, and she loved (still loves) holding my hand. In a friend’s position, I may absolutely have seen the point of them day to day.

There was one exception. Just before visiting family on the other side of the world, she had a pulled elbow. It happened again at the airport! Just from her dropping her weight a little holding my husband’s hand. It was relocated and we made our flight, but I bought one of those little life backpacks in transit - more as a visual reminder to relatives not to hold her by her arm in case the elbow popped out again!

I never see them.

Very occasionally a very young child (usually less than eighteen months) on a backpack one, but never ever see them in the wild. On here, apparently everyone uses them 🤷🏼‍♀️

I hve them at home but rarely use them as thankfully my kids aren’t too bad at holding hands.

My mum used them on me and my brother in the 90s after what happened to Jamie Bulger. So yes use your instinct op. Better to be safe.

I used them as I had twins. Not possible to control a buggy with one child in and safely hold the hand of the other tottering along side me.

I’m a lone mum of 3 including a set of twins and I’ve never used reins personally. Too much like walking dogs and them going in different directions and getting tangled

Reins seem like such a relic.
There’s really no need for them in normal life, it doesn’t teach the child anything about listening or safety.

Mine refused to wear them anyway.

I don’t much care if others do but I do find it a bit odd how on here every other toddler is charging off into the road with impunity (yet MN unfailingly have strong boundaries and clear consequences so their toddlers always do as told ) but this doesn’t seem to reflect RL at all.

Fellow adopter here. Just smile and nod. You can make all your own parenting decisions once the adoption order is in place. Good luck with the rest of the process!

I'm sure James bulgers mother absolutely agrees with you.

I had runners, there are still runners today. Kids run into roads if you're not quick enough.

My daughter learned to walk early and wanted to walk a lot. She’s now 24 months and we walk into town together.

The reigns have always been a great way of allowing her the feeling of independence, while maintaining safety.

She really likes the reigns and requests to have them on, as she knows they mean she gets to walk feeling fairly free!

I still pick her up and hold her hand whenever I need to, but they help because she can’t make a dash for it. It only takes a split second for something terrible to happen.

@Mylobsterteapot Like a previous poster said listen to the social workers reasoning and agree. You will be able to make your own mind up once you are a parent .

theories are all well and good until there is a real child in the mix then you do what you need to to keep them safe!!

just mentioning that there is an adoption board on here in case you hadn’t found it

I used backpack reins on mine and had no judgement and no problems and no impact on my children at all.

We live near a long straight suburban road - cars accelerate round the bend to the start of the straight part which is 30mph and it becomes 40mph just after a small island crossing. So of course the cars immediately accelerate and are often doing over 40 while you’re perched on the little island. Then you have to walk down the pavement while the cars whizz by. It is scary - but that is NOT where I used the reins the most. There I clutched the kid’s hands for dear life and the reins mostly irrelevant.

I used the reins on the quiet side roads so dc could practice walking beside me without me gripping hold . Then if they bolted I wasn’t out of control .

Still threaten mine with the handcuffs (wrist strap) now and she's 5! They certainly helped her learn not to run off!

Who cares whether it's fashionable? Fashions and official advice change all the time. Reins give a restless small child the chance to move safely in a busy environment.

Also here remembering the woman who lost one of her twins due to her husband not using the baby reins. MrsPresley.
That will never leave me and I'm so grateful she shared her story. It's probably saved a lot of lives.

What a disgusting thing to bring up in an attempt to prove your point, pathetic. You could make the same point about her holding her child’s hand, interesting that you don’t.
I’m not sure I’ve never heard JB’s mother state that children should always be tied to their carer, feel free to provide that.

The point is the same, parents who actively parent their children do not need reins. Reins do not teach children to listen, to walk sensibly or to have danger awareness of the road.

It’s lazy parenting to tie your child to you rather than paying attention to them and laying the foundation for learning.

Reins we're essential with 2 out of 3 of mine.
I'd rather a child on reins than under a car frankly.
Also v handy when eldest got to about 3. " either hold the pram or ill put your reins on!"
Prob classed as emotional abuse now...

If we didn't have such busy roads and the world was built for greener travel like walking we wouldn't need reins but unfortunately it's not, would be my answer.

Hit a nerve did I? Excellent.

Actually my kids are all SN so your point doesn't gel and what seeks to escape the perfect parents is you don't hold a rein like you're walking a dog. You still have a hold of their hand. Unless someone's a bit dim not to see that like.

Reigns - fine
Saddle - NO

My daughter isn’t walking yet, but I’m dreaming of taking her on walks in the woods near us. I love the idea of her having freedom to roam but there’s a fast river without any guardrail, and having reigns would be a great option imo. Surely better than her being carried or hand held very tightly and strictly when it’s a walk intended for fun and exploration.

Absolutely BS! It absolutely taught my DD not to run away and to stay by me or her dad at all times when out, also stopped her running in the road etc. They are an absolute learning tool sometimes and an added safety net if you have a runner!

I feel like the snootiness about reins has come from people simply walking less and driving more, so they have the 'luxury' of not considering reins. With more cars on the roads than ever reins are actually more useful than ever..