Using reins on small children

[Mylobsterteapot]

I'm in Stage 2 of adoption, and in a converation with my social worker about boundaries I mentioned that I would ensure a child was safe near a busy road by using a buggy, a carrier or reins if I wasn't confident the small child would hold my hand.

She said that the use of reins isn't recommended. I've seen loads of my friends using little backpacks with a lead on their 2-4 year olds when needed.

Are reins that bad? I had some in the 90's, and I've turned out fine. I know this isn't a barometer for all parenting choices, but still.

Yes, I was thinking about her too if we're thinking about the same one. The one whose husband didn't use them and one of their twins got killed. So very very sad. I often think about her and wonder how they're getting on.

When we were in the airport it was just me and him (at Heathrow) and I was carrying two bags and wrangling the pram. While we were just waiting around he was fine to walk about, but when we needed to get to the gate / fold the pram and get on the plane and time was of the essence it was easier to have him attached to me while I lugged everything else.

Safety is the most important consideration.
Many children will hold your hand, but those that won’t and just run off need reins.

Half of these people haven’t even had kids. I’d ignore it and just smile.

depends on the child and their temperament. My first child didn’t need them, but they’d stay walking nicely nearby and stop when I said etc. Youngest was the opposite and so reins were a godsend, it gave them freedom out of the buggy but they’d stay walking couldn’t leg it away from me!

Reins (in my case backpack with lead) are great - never understand why more people don't use them. Allows me to let my 1 year old for for small walks herself (same beforehand for my 3 year old and multiple times they prevented him going into the road).

This is a smile and nod situation. I used a backpack with a lead in busy situations with my little runner when he was a toddler. Like you’d look away for a second and he’d be gone exploring, no fear at all.

Well, “toddlers are basically dogs” from one poster says it all really. I think they are cruel. Use a pushchair.

Honestly I think it’s pure snobbery. I thought reins were a brilliant idea - my mother was horrified!

That said, I tried them and never got the hang of them - I think it takes some training. My daughter would try and go off, reach the end of the rein, get jolted and just fall over. So it would stop her but only with repeated injury and crying! Probably she would have figured it out if I’d have persisted. Fortunately she wasn’t too much of a bolter and would mostly stick close even if she wouldn’t hold my hand.

It isn't good for DCs to be a pushchair more than 1 hour day.www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789241550536

Toddlers need to walk, not be stuck in a pushchair

Tbh I think its irresponsible to not use reins in a busy place.
Sometimes social workers don't know best.

I always used the cute animal style backpack reigns for my son when he was a toddler. Neither of us had an issue with them, he held my hand when he wanted to, backpack when he didn’t.

Then we went on holiday. OMG that is the day my hair turned white.

We were in the restaurant for breakfast, in Menorca, with a hotel that happened to be right on a cliff! We finished eating and my son made a bolt for the door towards to playground. We rushed after him and couldn’t see him, it was a least 5 long, long minutes of desperate searching before a Spanish woman shouted ‘mama, mama bambino, Bambino’ and pointed over to a hedge. The little s**t was hiding from us!

Reigns / harness / backpack all the way from me. They don’t know the dangers of being near a roadside, running off and getting lost, falling off a cliff!!

My stomach still flips at what could’ve happened to us. And yes, my hair really is white now…I blame my DS for that, but it kinda suits me.

The might not be necessary - DD refused to have them on because she wanted the contract of holding hands or being carried. DS loved it because it was easier for him to walk without his hand up in the air.

Posted too soon. It's good to be open to whatever works for the child that is in front of you.

I used the little life backpacks with mine 15 odd years ago.

Some people used to frown on them then as well, but the only reasons they could come up with were that they just didn't like them. Things like "you use a lead on a dog, not a child!". I have never heard a reason that's based on outcomes (except once, on here, someone claimed that they stopped DC from developing balance and being able to walk upright on their own, which was pretty preposterous.

I can see that hand holding can help with coaching to behave around roads as it's more active communication. But that's for when they're ready to be learning to walk on their own, if they're not really ready for that it's just more restrictive, stops them from exploring the environment at their level and regulate themselves, and makes it very difficult for a parent to manage more than one child.

Maybe the social worker knows of something else, but I suspect it's much more that it's an unevidenced prejudice that either just her preference or has become office dogma without foundation.

MrsPresley. This is a copy of one of her posts. (I’m not her).

My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter.
Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD.
Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on.
Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone!
Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled.
And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be
Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead

I've used reins with both my children (9&5 so not that long ago!) And fully intend to with my 5mo when he is a toddler.People are far too lapse with childrens safety near roads nowadays IMO.I did try wrist links but they slipped out of them and couldn't be contained aswell with them.
Only thing is to be careful to detach them when going on play equipment at the park etc (which is common sense really)

Tbh I have a 4 year old who is high functioning asd, but tends to walk or run away very quietly when overwhelmed, always has, even as a toddler. I pick him up. Even now. Getting out a car, in a busy crowd, on my hip or holding my hand. I dont think a leash on a child is going to stop them, but physically holding them will. I bought a leash backpack for my first, never used it, it wasn’t sturdy. I think it’s up to the individual person what they’re comfortable with. I think they do help when there are more children than hands.

Well some kids just won’t wear them anyway? My toddler always refused, she walks on her a lot aince about 18 months but she is ok at hand holding. I think the argument against is thst they that don’t teach them to walk safely independently

I regularly used them for DC1 - tied them to my seat while I was feeding baby DC2. Not sure how else I could have stopped them running away.

I have 3 children and used reins with them all. I also loosely followed Janet Lansbury's RIE philosophy of not interfering with natural physical development eg I didn't use bouncers, baby walkers etc and even kept high chairs and baby carriers to a minimum for this reason. So I am a huge advocate for not impeding a child's natural movement. However I am an even greater advocate for my children being alive and not being squished by oncoming traffic.

They are useful in that interim period before they understand how to walk safely and can control their own impulses to run.

Oh Mrs Presley, I am flying the 'reins' flag for your little one 😢

Your SW gave a personal opinion that's a.ll just agree and use them if you want.