Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Son signed up for Army training without telling us

252 replies

anotherglass · Today 07:44

My 20-year-old son, who is at university studying engineering, has signed up for University Officer Training. He has signed a contract and undergone a medical. We only found out last night.
He is a young man who loves Leonard Cohen, plays the guitar and enjoys building electrical systems. Now he’ll be learning parachuting, marksmanship and how to shoot at targets.
I understand the appeal. Around £50 a week, exciting training, new friendships, adventure, mountaineering, climbing and paid overseas trips. For a young person at university, it must sound like an extraordinary opportunity.
At present, these reservists cannot be deployed. But in the current climate, I am deeply uneasy about how secure that assurance really is, and how quickly this position could change.
I haven’t yet managed to speak to him properly about it. But I am deeply troubled that the possibility of a change in status, including being redesignated and potentially becoming deployable, does not appear to have been made sufficiently clear at the outset.
A quick search online suggests that there is already discussion within parts of the military about getting a greater return on the investment in training university officers by making them deployable. If that is a possibility, surely young people need to understand it before they sign a contract — not simply be told about it if the rules change later.
This is what troubles me most. A package of pay, training, adventure and belonging can be enormously attractive to a 20-year-old. But the potential obligations and risks deserve equal prominence.
I know my son is an adult, and I respect his right to make his own decisions. But I am his mum, and the thought that he could one day be called upon to serve in a conflict — when that possibility is not something we had understood to be part of the deal — is genuinely frightening. Anyone else in the same position? Any thoughts on how to navigate this with son?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Skdkhvyvrhej · Today 10:56

Has Wes streeting really said prepare for war in 1000 days? Because if so that’s ridiculous. That’s 3 years away. Why are we going to war in 3 years and with who?!

They probably won’t even be in parliament then - it’s practically a lifetime in politics.

JudgeJ · Today 10:58

user1471538275 · Today 08:37

Army cadets learn to shoot and 'battlefield skills' from the age of 14.

UTC is mostly just having a laugh, but yes, he will learn some excellent skills during it.

All of our children could be called upon to defend this country - who do you think will fare better - those who have more or less training?

I'm certain your 20year old can manage to make a decision on his own.

As well as being taught to shoot and use other forms of weaponry he will also be taught to respect his weapons which is a good thing. He will earn a lot about himself too as well as having a great time.

Dollymylove · Today 11:01

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · Today 09:34

He's an adult, so can do what he likes.

The University cadet scheme will not see him on the front line.

If he DID join the Army full time, as an engineer, he could pick a much safer route than a front line infantry role. Even then, the infantry aren't doing much at the moment...

I guess you didnt realise that its not only infantry that are frontline soldiers?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

NorWouldTilly · Today 11:03

The young adults in my family could have learned to shoot at prep school if they’d chosen to do so …

Laurmolonlabe · Today 11:03

Should we go on a war footing he could be deployed. The oft heard cry "but he was just learning engineering" doesn't apply once we go to war.
He might not be on the front line, but that doesn't necessarily apply either my grandfather was in the Royal Engineers and he drove a train with ammunition in it in the trenches at Ypres for nearly 3 years.
Mostly it is academic though because he already signed the contract.

Patriciastaser · Today 11:04

You could contact the recruiting officer to say your his mum and you are really worried, could he be released from the commitment?

BarbaraUsher · Today 11:09

I would also be horrified. I share your concern OP. I’d be losing sleep over this. I’m sorry. I don’t think you can do anything though

notimagain · Today 11:11

Laurmolonlabe · Today 11:03

Should we go on a war footing he could be deployed. The oft heard cry "but he was just learning engineering" doesn't apply once we go to war.
He might not be on the front line, but that doesn't necessarily apply either my grandfather was in the Royal Engineers and he drove a train with ammunition in it in the trenches at Ypres for nearly 3 years.
Mostly it is academic though because he already signed the contract.

Agree..

All bets are off, especially if conflict occurs before specialist training has finished.

Mapletree1985 · Today 11:12

If the worst comes to the worst, better to be in the army than a civilian being bombed and droned, I reckon.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · Today 11:14

This is ridiculous

What is wrong with being taught how to shoot and use weapons safely? It's a good thing,

I was taught at age 7, did cadets until I was 18, had a brilliant time, learned loads of great skills and 30 years later I'm still friends with people I met on summer camps on bases. Never been conscripted or sent to a war zone.

I taught my DD to shoot from age of 7 as well. She's now extremely safe around guns. It's pretty normal in the countryside.

Why do you think will happen to your son because he is drilled in gun safety and learns where the pointy end is?

And I would hope if the country was at war that people would see serving as their duty.

bridgetreilly · Today 11:16

It’s fine and normal to be anxious. But there is nothing you can or should do about it. He has made a good decision that you should be proud of.

notnorman · Today 11:17

anotherglass · Today 09:13

He signed a contract and had a medical. It's not quite the same. Wasn't discussed with family.

Assuming for things like asthma? It’s not ‘joining the army’ and there’s no expectation that you will join the army. It’s like the teenager version but for university age- and you get paid.

Son signed up for Army training without telling us
bridgetreilly · Today 11:17

Patriciastaser · Today 11:04

You could contact the recruiting officer to say your his mum and you are really worried, could he be released from the commitment?

Edited

I mean, sure, if you want him to be a laughing stock. The officer will point out that he is an adult who has signed a contract of his own free will,

Kez145 · Today 11:21

He’s a 20 year old man. As his mum, you can have concerns but I would suggest you get some support for your anxiety. This response is disproportionate and displays a lack of trust in your son.
FYI, the army was the absolute making of my cousin.

RaggedRocks · Today 11:22

bridgetreilly · Today 11:17

I mean, sure, if you want him to be a laughing stock. The officer will point out that he is an adult who has signed a contract of his own free will,

Like Mrs Pike in Dads Army bringing young Pike his sandwiches

Redpaisley · Today 11:22

anotherglass · Today 08:49

I'm sickened at the prospect of him being sent into the battlefield. Last I knew he was applying for a job at KFC and got turned down. He wants cash and something on his CV. I very much doubt that he fully understands what he has got himself into and his mum this is hugely upsetting.

He is an engineer. Why was he applying to KFC? They rejected him because he was overqualified and they knew he would leave soon.

Blindinglybaffled · Today 11:23

Hi op, whilst as a mother I understand your worry for your ‘child’ I also really do think you are both over thinking & overreacting to this. If we hit a stage where they’re calling up OTC grads then we’ll be in a situation of general mobilisation- it’s seriously unlikely, even now. Notwithstanding this, your son is 20 (not 16!!) - and apparently studying engineering which requires good grades - I’m sure he’s capable of understanding what he’s signed up for!

Scottishskifun · Today 11:26

I had quite a few friends at uni in OTC some of them went into have careers in the forces others not. But I also had friends who weren't in it go on to join the forces.

It can be a good career option for many. You obviously have your own feelings about the forces and I understand your worry as a parent given the global situation. But signing up to OTC doesn't translate into being on the front line. It is not 1940 and he won't be put in a trench.

Applestroodle · Today 11:30

”As a member of the UOTC you have no commitment to a career in the Army after university.”

So, what is all the fuss about?

gullgal · Today 11:30

PauliesWalnuts · Today 07:56

He’s an adult. That’s it. You no longer have any say.
My brother joined the army without telling anyone until after he came home from signing up. My mum was shocked but in some ways it was the making of him. He served in Northern Ireland and Bosnia/Croatia.

You never know, he may make a really good career choice out of it, and join as a full-timer. A couple of women I know are officers in the forces and love it.

You may think that serving in Northern Ireland is a positive thing but I can tell you many people in northern Ireland do not. That's the problem with armies.

RaggedRocks · Today 11:30

Captain in the Army = 60k. Don't seem to be bad.

PollyPhonic · Today 11:34

Dollymylove · Today 11:01

I guess you didnt realise that its not only infantry that are frontline soldiers?

Indeed, though as far as the infantry are concerned, everyone else is a REMF.

Cobrakainerd · Today 11:38

DB joined up in 1983 aged 16. DGM was horrified but DM had the 'its his choice ' attitude. He was in until 40.
He knew what he was signing up for.
Quite frankly a university student without critical thinking skills and the ability to read and understand information probably is in the wrong place.

16usernamechangesin17years · Today 11:40

Aren't you even a little bit proud of him?

Dollymylove · Today 11:41

PollyPhonic · Today 11:34

Indeed, though as far as the infantry are concerned, everyone else is a REMF.

Aye until the chinook turns up to get 'em off the ground 😅