Son signed up for Army training without telling us

[anotherglass]

My 20-year-old son, who is at university studying engineering, has signed up for University Officer Training. He has signed a contract and undergone a medical. We only found out last night.
He is a young man who loves Leonard Cohen, plays the guitar and enjoys building electrical systems. Now he’ll be learning parachuting, marksmanship and how to shoot at targets.
I understand the appeal. Around £50 a week, exciting training, new friendships, adventure, mountaineering, climbing and paid overseas trips. For a young person at university, it must sound like an extraordinary opportunity.
At present, these reservists cannot be deployed. But in the current climate, I am deeply uneasy about how secure that assurance really is, and how quickly this position could change.
I haven’t yet managed to speak to him properly about it. But I am deeply troubled that the possibility of a change in status, including being redesignated and potentially becoming deployable, does not appear to have been made sufficiently clear at the outset.
A quick search online suggests that there is already discussion within parts of the military about getting a greater return on the investment in training university officers by making them deployable. If that is a possibility, surely young people need to understand it before they sign a contract — not simply be told about it if the rules change later.
This is what troubles me most. A package of pay, training, adventure and belonging can be enormously attractive to a 20-year-old. But the potential obligations and risks deserve equal prominence.
I know my son is an adult, and I respect his right to make his own decisions. But I am his mum, and the thought that he could one day be called upon to serve in a conflict — when that possibility is not something we had understood to be part of the deal — is genuinely frightening. Anyone else in the same position? Any thoughts on how to navigate this with son?

Let me spell this out:

He CANNOT be deployed UOTC is NOT deployable. It is AGAINST the LAW.

You are confusing deployability with mobilisation.

If your son was to be mobilised it will be part of a mass mobilisation that would likely involve him anyway and would happen whether or not he was in the UOTC - at this point your other son is also being called up.

Even the Independent article you included as part of your argument makes this point.

The only thing that will change is that, in the event of a civilian mobilisation, his time, experience and training with UOTC will be taken into consideration when assigning him his unit - As will his time, training, and experience as an engineer. Depending on what is likely to be more in demand or where manpower shortages are likely to be will be the ultimate determining factor on where he ends up. Could as easily be in a secure location programming drones.

Sorry op, I’d be concerned if I was you, and a little cross. Everyone appears happy to send other peoples children to war if needed with a ‘good on them’ attitude. Wonder how they’d feel if it was their own children.

I would credit your 20 year old adult Son, who is has the intelligence to be studying Engineering at University, to realise that training with the Army might involved going to war, regardless of how good the Army's marketing might be. I understand your worry, but come on, credit this "kid" with a bit of intelligence.

If your son is not intelligent enough to understand what he has signed up for then he has no business being at university.

Man makes choice.

I'd feel the same if my son had done this, if I'm honest, although I'm not sure what options you'd have if he's already signed. I have heard that these contracts, and anything relating to the military, are incredibly watertight and difficult to break.

That said, I'd now be nervous that you might really stress your son out, if you truly think he's gone into this with his eyes closed and not realised that perhaps he may be deployed. I'm not sure if that's a helpful thing to do, if there's no way out of it for him... perhaps you'd be better to let him undergo the training in naivety then?

I am sorry. I can understand that it must be a shock to go from applying for jobs serving fast food to applying for army training.

It's been a decent chunk of time since I was at uni, but I will say that while we were all attracted by the trips and experiences, and the £50 a week was a big bonus, we were also told about what to expect during training and our responsibilities. They did make it clear that it's hard work and we'd have to put a lot of effort in.

i remember seeing mothers on the news complaining about the Afghanistan war, how their sons had joined the army to learn a skill, not to fight.
the british army is stepping up its readiness, and that includes recruitment

i mean look at Ukraine, currently it is mainly drone war fare isnt it?

I understand to a certain degree.

My elder son joined the Reserves some years back, in his early 20s, after university. I was a bit upset at first- after all, what mother wants her beloved child putting him or her self forward for potential danger- but recognised that he is an adult and can make his own choices.

That said, I am unbelievably proud of him. He has always had strong morals, and he felt, and still feels, that it is his duty to help protect others. He has matured into an incredible person, and I credit the Army for a lot of that.

We don't come from a military background, although there are/were family members in the police, so we have a certain amount of understanding.

Will I ever stop worrying for his safety? No. Of course not. But I think that it's my place, as his mum, to keep those worries to myself. I raised him the best I know how, and part of that is sending him out into the world trusting that he will make good decisions for himself. I assume that you also raised your son to do the same.

As pps have said-your son is at university, doing engineering. As a mum with a younger son now at uni doing engineering, I know that those students are intelligent and analytical. Your son, whether you believe it or not, is perfectly capable of understanding the risks, and doesn't need his mum telling him he's not.

My daughter is planning to do something similar but as she’s studying medicine it’s unlikely she’ll fit it in anytime soon.

OP he’s an adult and will know the risks but as he’s young is probably not thinking about them. The current political situation is concerning but you can’t control his future. What you can have an influence on is how you behave with him. It’s probably time to be as supportive as you can despite your misgivings. I’m not saying get a trumpet and toot the horn but rather be interested and ask questions without criticism.

Good luck.

What would you be ‘cross’ about? I understand worry and concern, but cross? He hasn’t done anything wrong.

I completely get you wanting him to be as fully informed as possible, given the international political climate. But could you be confusing Group A reserves with Group B non-deployable training group, that UOTC is part of? Talk to him about the risks & check army & gov websites. Ignore the Express. The risks may not be what you think.

You sound like a control freak who is struggling to accept the fact their grown up offspring can make their own choices without your irrational interference.

If your son gets conscripted, it will be because we will be facing an imminent extisential crisis as a nation, which is highly unlikely. And if our country finds itself in that position, he will be far better equiped to face it as someone trained to shoot and defend themselves.

Get a grip dear.

Officers training. That means he'll not be doing active combat I think? They tell the combat ones what to do don't they? It's the posh part of the army isn't it?

I’m still not sure what Leonard Cohen has to do with this?

I think if there was genuinely a WWIII scenario, no one would be 'safe' whether or not they trained in the OTC. Anyone with strategically useful knowledge or skills would be put to use. As for safety, a war leaves everyone ultimately at risk and in the kind of war that might unfold in the future, no one knows who will be physically best protected (think of civilians being exposed to hybrid AI/drone attacks, infrastructures being attacked etc.) Those in the decision-making bunkers may in fact fare better than the rest...

If war comes, and its looking likely, young people unfortunately will be called up anyway. Better to be a professional soldier than the canon fodder.

reacting only to the headline and first few lines of the OP: Butt out.

He is presumably a clever young man, and he knows what he's doing. The army is an excellent career for a motivated young engineering student.

FWIW: when i was in the army i was a vegetarian, goth/hippy with greenpeace membership and a poster of lenin in my room. And yet, i was highly regarded, had a great career and plenty of promotions.

The army has always had dodgy recruitment tactics. I absolutely understand your concerns.
You’ll hopefully be able to broach the subject with him gently and raise the awareness with him, He’s more likely to have been concentrating on the fun aspects.
I would wonder if they are actively increasing the likelihood of him joining as a reservist (?) or full
time afterwards.
If he’s 100% convinced that he’s only doing it for fun/training then I guess that’s a good thing.

She thought he was a peacenik

keep it all under your hat and don't embarass him.

And to be honest: would it be ok if everyone else's sons* go into the army to keep you safe?

*and increasingly daughters

The website is marketing material for sure. But let me assure you, no one inn the army wants to spend all that time and money recruiting and training people who are unsuitable and unwilling to actually be in the army. They have a pretty good selection process actually and have worked to identify what it really takes to be a soldier. Eg if you have violent tendencies or want to just shoot things you will acrually be selected out. So whilst you are of course going to worry, I would be the same, you should be assured they will check committment and suitability as part of rhe process.

I don't think the OP is asking about what to say to her son - she's asking whether the Forces should be allowed to be unclear about the fact that the terms of the contract in relation to deployment could be changed in the future.

Say congratulations

My son signed up without telling us, and served 6 months in Afghanistan with the paras. He is now an astonishingly competent and confident young man.

@Justonemorecoffeeplease

Your daughter might find that a University Royal Naval Unit is a good fit for her, perhaps with a view to applying to be a Medical Officer later on.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/locations-and-operations/bases-and-stations/urnu/urnu-locations

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/medical-officer