Son signed up for Army training without telling us

[anotherglass]

My 20-year-old son, who is at university studying engineering, has signed up for University Officer Training. He has signed a contract and undergone a medical. We only found out last night.
He is a young man who loves Leonard Cohen, plays the guitar and enjoys building electrical systems. Now he’ll be learning parachuting, marksmanship and how to shoot at targets.
I understand the appeal. Around £50 a week, exciting training, new friendships, adventure, mountaineering, climbing and paid overseas trips. For a young person at university, it must sound like an extraordinary opportunity.
At present, these reservists cannot be deployed. But in the current climate, I am deeply uneasy about how secure that assurance really is, and how quickly this position could change.
I haven’t yet managed to speak to him properly about it. But I am deeply troubled that the possibility of a change in status, including being redesignated and potentially becoming deployable, does not appear to have been made sufficiently clear at the outset.
A quick search online suggests that there is already discussion within parts of the military about getting a greater return on the investment in training university officers by making them deployable. If that is a possibility, surely young people need to understand it before they sign a contract — not simply be told about it if the rules change later.
This is what troubles me most. A package of pay, training, adventure and belonging can be enormously attractive to a 20-year-old. But the potential obligations and risks deserve equal prominence.
I know my son is an adult, and I respect his right to make his own decisions. But I am his mum, and the thought that he could one day be called upon to serve in a conflict — when that possibility is not something we had understood to be part of the deal — is genuinely frightening. Anyone else in the same position? Any thoughts on how to navigate this with son?

I can shoot OP. I did my training years ago but would never have been expected to do it unless in very extreme circumstances due to my profession. and we were at war at the time. He needs the ability to defend himself but much less likely to use it given his profession. I know it’s distressing as he is your son but it’s an honourable and rewarding career for lots of people. We are an army family.

As a military mum, I’ll point some stuff out.

An amazing picture is painted when they want people to sign up, in reality when your son has been on “stag” (awake duty) for six hours, laying on his stomach in a cold, wet field he’ll feel different.
if/when he gets deployed, sleeping in a room with 10 other men and having bad coffee and rough food whilst being shouted at, a lot, will burst the bubble.

that said, my son loves it.

he is paid to blow shit up, play with guns and wear camouflage.

you are overthinking, you know this.

I did too but it’s his life, you’ve raised him to have the confidence to do this.

You need to relax, he's not stupid and has probably weighed this up and decided that the employability, fun and skills are worth the small % of being called up to serve. With his electrical skills and degree he will be doing other jobs if it came to it. Everyone goes through basic training before they branch out.

The thought of gun training might knock you sick but lots of people enjoy it, especially young men. It's a skill and one people rural or otherwise need to use. The comraderie, friendships and skills he will learn will put him in good stead.

If they are going to pull up old AOs then it'll be because there is war imminent and they'll be trying to draft everyone.

My wider family are RAF it's been the making of many of my cousins and great career progression. My best friend served as a cook but still had to carry a gun, went to Afghanistan etc. She gets great stipends and help from charities even now

I think you’re overreacting slightly, I was in the OTC and it was the best bit of my university experience. Yes it’s army training but it’s also character development, leadership training, and offers amazing adventurous training, sport, career opportunities. I’m 6 years into a military career now (it was always the plan, OTC didn’t ‘convert’ me) but OTC was such a good use of my time at uni. Who wouldn’t want to be paid to spend time with friends, go rock climbing, skiing, develop their leadership skills etc.

The OTC curriculum is spread across 2 years and each year is a module of the reserve officer commissioning course. The commissioning course is 4 modules long so Officer Cadets (OCdts) are barely half trained by the time they leave. Lots of people choose to continue the training and commission, or transfer to a ‘real’ reserve unit where they are actually deployable. If OCdts are being deployed then it’s likely at the point of a national call up anyway, they aren’t trained enough to skip any queue!

Why are you so worried about him leaning to shoot? My son (14) is an air cadet. He has learnt how to shoot a rifle, how to clean it, fieldcraft. He also goes up in training aircraft and flies under supervision) (apart from landing and taking off), including doing loop the loops and hi-g turns. It’s been fantastic for his confidence as a young lad, as you can imagine, to be 14 and know that you can fly a small plane! he is now a very sensible and focussed lad, doing brill at school and loads of friends.

He is thinking about joining the RAF and we talk a lot about what that might really mean beyond the excitement.

I do think that we need the military services given human nature and geopolitics - and I do think that (from a survival of the species point of view) it needs to be mainly men that do the fighting and that is part of their role, naturally. All for women being in the forces if they want (we have female army officers in the family) but I think naturally it will remain dominated by men mainly.

I would not want my son to be in harms way of course. But someone’s son has to be if it comes to it. Why not your son or my son? Why only somebody else’s son?

perhaps your son has not mentioned it as he thinks it will be too difficult a conversation but it clearly chimes with something in him that he has gone for it.

I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you’re ok.
I’d be devastated. My violent alcoholic father was an army man, my ex boyfriend who was also an engineer in the army was also a violent alcoholic. He was also front lines, Afghanistan. To my knowledge they will send some engineers out with robots to disarm bombs, that was a part of my exes job. (My description is probably very lacking but you get the idea).
Both he and my dad were riddled with ptsd and misogyny. We often hear the whole “veterans on our streets” but fuck all is there to help them. Booze killed my dad and my ex is still a fuck up to my knowledge.
2 school friends also died from roadside bombs when deployed in combat. Another 2 friends became drug dealers after returning to civvy street.

My lovely neighbours, both sides to my house are ex army and very successful and lovely men. I’d have loved either of them to have been my dad and they adore their very happy wives. I have other family members and family friends who’ve also had incredible experiences and opportunities from their time in the military. An uncle I’ve never met by all accounts is incredibly wealthy from a successful career in the army. He went in the army and never came back, apparently bought a castle in Scotland. (He also could have bought a caravan in Skegness, but either way, a wealthy and happy man)

It’s a lottery what you get joining the army in my opinion just hope your lovely young man is never sent to fight and that it gives him incredible opportunities.

I hope lots of posters have amazing words of encouragement and stories about how it was the greatest thing for their sons/brothers/husbands. (Not including themselves/sisters/dds as I think it’s a different experience for women. Women I’ve known have been hugely successful and not the mixed bag I’ve known with the men.)

Best wishes op. 💐

Army cadets learn to shoot and 'battlefield skills' from the age of 14.

UTC is mostly just having a laugh, but yes, he will learn some excellent skills during it.

All of our children could be called upon to defend this country - who do you think will fare better - those who have more or less training?

I'm certain your 20year old can manage to make a decision on his own.

Respectfully, OP, there is nothing concrete to suggest that rules will change and OTCs will ever be deployed against their will - this is a false premise. You keep saying "If there's a chance that the rules change..." - you don't know what the chance is, so your mind is (understandably) jumping to the worst conclusion, but realistically there is no clear reliable evidence, is there? (Unless I'm missing an official announcement of proposed policy.)

Laws are being changed so soldiers who are over 55 can be called back up to the age of 65.

Totally understand you. Mine is sporty, multilingual, highly academic 16 yo who is doing army cadets. I’m also worried about his future.

Are you hoping to drum up support for a mass complaint, @anotherglass?

I too would feel some worry and concern, as well as curiosity, if a young adult member of my family signed up for this. But I’m unsure why you feel that urging MN readers to/ posters to read the recruiting literature will make any difference to your son’s decision.

I understand your concern, he is your child after all. But he is a big man now. I am from a military family and it seriously hacks me off that so many are willing to see other mothers sons and daughters be sent to fight and defend the country but wouldn;t want their own child to do it. Very much Not in my back yard.

I under your reaction but it’s the army. The risks are surely obvious.

The purpose if the UOTC is to help develop understanding of the Military in graduates as they go into industry.

Of my cohort if 120... about 5 joined the army. More changed their minds away from the army, then were converted to wabting to join

Yoour som is an adult. He could be doing a lot worse at university than this.

Back off I'd say. You're being overinvolved

Not just soldiers, The Royal Air Force and Navy are included too.

There are forces within the Army pushing for UTC to become deployable to justify the investment. This makes me sick. Universities to provide WW3 Army officers - but there's one major flaw | UK | News | Express.co.uk

There is nothing concrete about an opinion piece in the express!

What exactly are you looking to ‘navigate’ with him? He has signed up, so say ‘well done’ don’t be trying to explain the risks to him as if he is a 5 year old. Keep your fears to yourself, and let him go live his life, his way.

Tell him you are happy for him and wish him the best.

Oh, what’s the relevance of Leonard Cohen?

I am his mother so will not back off until I understand what he has got himself into. I doubt he understands the implications of what he has signed up to. He wants to improve his CV. I am enraged at how the Army markets these programmes without fully explaining how these young people could be potentially deployed.

Bloody hell. I really feel for him now.

My Dad is ex military and his attitude has always been... If you sign up for the military (regardless if Army, Air Force or Navy) your primary role is to protect, everything else is secondary. Signing up means there is always a possibility of being deployed, no matter how small that possibility might be.

Yes, of course that fact should be made clear to potential recruits (I don't think it always is) but equally common sense should be used too by individuals.

I understand your concerns, I think any parent would feel apprehensive in your shoes, especially in the current climate. All you can do as a parent, is make sure your son fully understands that there is ALWAYS a possibility of him being deployed in the future. He's made his choice, and as an adult you have to accept and respect it.

I'm sickened at the prospect of him being sent into the battlefield. Last I knew he was applying for a job at KFC and got turned down. He wants cash and something on his CV. I very much doubt that he fully understands what he has got himself into and his mum this is hugely upsetting.

You can still enjoy playing the guitar and have a n interest in electrical systems when in the army. Its isn't just full of people thirsty for blood.

Neither will he be signing on the dotted line from sone promotional video.

Talk to him about it, where he is in the process etc and then show him support.

He sounds to me like a 20 year old young man after experiences, with an understanding that his degree may not be enough. Let him focus on what he wants and not what you want.

If we get to the point of deploying reservists, the chances are we'd need conscription too. In which case I'd rather my ds trained properly over the course of months and months, not in a hurry.

Maybe look at it that way.

Have you never had the conversation with him? My ds' school had cadets and so we talked about it.