Son signed up for Army training without telling us

[anotherglass]

My 20-year-old son, who is at university studying engineering, has signed up for University Officer Training. He has signed a contract and undergone a medical. We only found out last night.
He is a young man who loves Leonard Cohen, plays the guitar and enjoys building electrical systems. Now he’ll be learning parachuting, marksmanship and how to shoot at targets.
I understand the appeal. Around £50 a week, exciting training, new friendships, adventure, mountaineering, climbing and paid overseas trips. For a young person at university, it must sound like an extraordinary opportunity.
At present, these reservists cannot be deployed. But in the current climate, I am deeply uneasy about how secure that assurance really is, and how quickly this position could change.
I haven’t yet managed to speak to him properly about it. But I am deeply troubled that the possibility of a change in status, including being redesignated and potentially becoming deployable, does not appear to have been made sufficiently clear at the outset.
A quick search online suggests that there is already discussion within parts of the military about getting a greater return on the investment in training university officers by making them deployable. If that is a possibility, surely young people need to understand it before they sign a contract — not simply be told about it if the rules change later.
This is what troubles me most. A package of pay, training, adventure and belonging can be enormously attractive to a 20-year-old. But the potential obligations and risks deserve equal prominence.
I know my son is an adult, and I respect his right to make his own decisions. But I am his mum, and the thought that he could one day be called upon to serve in a conflict — when that possibility is not something we had understood to be part of the deal — is genuinely frightening. Anyone else in the same position? Any thoughts on how to navigate this with son?

when that possibility is not something we had understood to be part of the deal

You really think this isn't understood?

And he will get a great job when he leaves

I understand why you are shocked but surely it is obvious to any 20 year old intelligent to be at university that anything involving the army there is a risk of ending up on the front line in the future even if it isn't compulsory now. During the Bosnian war there was talk of calling up anyone who had ever been this or a reservist no matter how long ago.

Which area of Engineering does he study, OP?

He is an adult
He has no need to discuss anything with you

He does things that are often rash and does not read the small print. I have not been able to test whether he is fully aware of how the political climate is changing in terms of war preparations and what impact this may have on his obligations.

I appreciate you are upset, but it strikes me that we need more people like your son in our armed services. If your son isn't sent to fight, whose sons would you like to be sent instead? Would they be as well-qualified?

Sorry but for many of us this will bring up the family anecdote about the family member who joined up without telling anyone. My uncle apparently didn’t speak for 5 years when a teenager, and just grunted occasionally, until the day he came home and announced he’d joined the Royal Navy after popping into the recruitment office whilst out in Manchester. He had to be bought out of his apprenticeship at an engineering firm to go.

Because it isn’t a family decision. It is an individual one.

He’s an intelligent adult - let him make hoods own decisions.

He is an adult. He could also gain great friendships , skills and experiences. Get a grip.

Hi @anotherglassi live in a country with military service. My oldest DS signed up to do infrantry. Like your son I don’t think he really realised what he was getting himself u to.
But you know what he has persevered and stuck with it.
In my experience what your young adult son needs is your support. At the end of the phone when needed.
DH and I have seen our son overcome personal challenges the like of which I cannot believe he would be able to do. It’s been tough to watch as a mother. But for him to make a decision as a young adult and then follow it through is great for self esteem, resilience and confidence. Hopefully it will be for your son too.
And he has a job. Many young people do not.

If you sign up to the army and don't think that you could be deployed then you're a bit thick.

'Wasn't discussed with family'

neither were my life choices at 20.

Were yours???

I understand your worry some of the more sensible posts, especially the one I highlighted earlier can put your mind at rest. But honestly, this insistent that he should've discussed it with family before deciding to do it, is a bit nutty. At 20, I went to live on the other side of the world, I didn't'discuss' it with my parents, I told them when I had made my mind up. Yes they were upset, yes, they had their concerns, but even my parents accepted that it was my choice.

My older brother joined at 16. My mum was very upset. I don’t remember as I was a toddler. He went off to Germany, Northern Ireland, Canada, there was talk of Belize but I don’t know if he actually went there, and also he stayed a lot in England. He was in NI in the late 80s/early 90s. He had a fantastic career. My other brother joined in a different way at an older age and went to NI first which horrified my mum. He went to Norway, The Falklands, Bosnia/Croatia during the Gulf war, Italy, and a good chunk of time in England down south. He had an amazing career and civvy street was great for him when he left and he’s very comfortable financially as a result.
I’d say both are misogynists and were from when I was a teenager that I remember. Both Tory voters, read the Sun for page 3. Not sure on Brexit but I’m pretty sure they are both quite racist. I don’t have much to do with them to be honest. They are very different to me. Growing up I adored them and they me. They were both much older than me and I looked up to them. The Forces made them what they are, for better or worse, but the careers they have had, the travel and experiences plus good money were amazing.
Your son is 20. He’s not joined the regulars. Let him have fun and develop his skills and be supportive. We always worry about our children even when adults. My brothers are in their 60s now and my mum still worries about them. Is he an only child? It’s hard to let go so you have my understanding there.
I wanted to join up too when I was younger but couldn’t because I’m asthmatic. My eldest dd wanted to join and thankfully couldn’t because of asthma. My middle child suggested it as a vet but she’s also asthmatic. My youngest, Ds, hasn’t mentioned it but with asthma, autism and adhd there’s no chance. He wants to be an engineer too and would be a great asset to the army or RAF but as I was told: no matter what job you go into be it a nurse, a vet, a mechanic, an engineer, you’re a soldier first and foremost so having asthma means you can’t. I admit I’m relieved he can’t. I worried so much fur my brothers in NI and was an anxious mess in my early teens. I was a very anxious child anyway. It’s a very attractive package they offer and I loved the uniform and fancied seeing the world. The discipline and rules appealed to me (autism) but I’m not built mentally for that world. All respect to those who are. I wish your son well, and you peace. He might just do the bare minimum at uni. Try to relax, and have a chat with him. It’s really hard to understand as a young adult how worried our parents are for us, especially our mums. My dad did national service, so his take was different. Both brothers earnt medals, one got an award at some fancy place in London with royalty, photos and articles in local papers. Deep down I think they are still military men even though they have civvy street jobs and live a normal life now. The Army made them who they are and it always stays with you.
All the best to you and your son.

He's an adult, so can do what he likes.

The University cadet scheme will not see him on the front line.

If he DID join the Army full time, as an engineer, he could pick a much safer route than a front line infantry role. Even then, the infantry aren't doing much at the moment...

It means absolutely nothing for UOTC whatsoever.

The change to the Armed Forces Act merely changed the age cap for the reserve list from 55 to 65, meaning that those people on the reserve list would not automatically fall off of it when they reach 55 yoa - it retains a number of people, both serving and ex serving, on the list increase the number of personnel available. It is a very specific part of the reserve list, not every type of Reserve would be on the list at that age anyway. For example, it does apply to me, as I am a civilian with a specific skill. This change now brings my reserve commitment in line with my expected retirement age.

It's a question of how much they understand the level of risk is currently. I expect he thinks its not going to happen, whereas as a mother of two young men between 18-24 I am very attuned to what's going on with conscription and calls for war preparedness.

Me too.

German proposed to restrict overseas travel for youths

What on earth does this mean too?

Also my son’s decision was quick and rash. He hasn’t joyed portions of his service. He has made the decision to always fully research choices in the future. That’s a good learning opportunity.
All you can do as a parents is be a source of support.

I think I know why he didn’t tell you before he signed up. You’re not “navigating” the journey with him. You end. He begins. You are separate people. You obviously don’t feel any pride that he’s made a commitment to something bigger than himself, and that’s unfortunate. I hope he does very well for himself and enjoys his life immensely.

DH joined the Army at 19yo because his parents wouldn't sign the paperwork for him to go younger. He never really forgave them for standing in the way of what he wanted to do, and it didn't stop him going in the end anyway.

If you want to see this contract, your son has signed. Ask your son.

That age change from 55 to 65 means nothing to UOTC cadets

Unless they subsequently move on into the future as one of the other Reseves

Or as the only age qualification for UOTC is to be 18+, if a mature student in their 50s successfully joined the UOTC then they would have further potential to move on to a Reserves role after University

Your son is an intelligent 20 year old. You should trust him and support his decisions.
Voicing your concerns to him will make it clear that you don’t feel he is a capable adult.

We need a resilient young population, not an infantilised generation scared to think for themselves because mummy will question every decision.