Does everyone track their children?

[CaNGCNk]

Is everyone tracking their child now? I had a few people surprised on another group because I said I don’t agree with tracking my children. In school they were talking about. I can see the appeal for a younger child a toddler maybe or a child thats a runner. But are we all just tracking our school age children now? (even if that doesn’t apply)

@littlbrowndog yes of course it doesn’t give complete transparency if my 17 year old DD made a questionable decision and ended up somewhere unsafe, or if they lost their phone but on balance, I’d rather have some sort of a clue as to what’s happening rather than no clue. They don’t mind anyway and it’s not causing any problem so I think precautionary measures make sense.

Lots of people here calling it 'tracking' - DD and I have always referred to it as 'stalking'. I never did when she was younger but asked if she'd mind stalking her when she went travelling post A levels. She didn't mind, though the trade off was that she can stalk me and I really don't like that.

@JustAnotherWhinger partners don’t need to be tracked do they ? (In my opinion) . For children / late teens it’s a safety issue. I wouldn’t care for a relationship where two adults feel the need to track each other for whatever reason.

I'd say my kids seem to track me more than the other way around. My eldest (16) is hyper organised, the number of messages I've had saying "mother, why haven't you left yet, we will be late/we are finished" etc. 😬

I do have it set that when they leave a particular location (well, two locations) I get a notification. Means I can switch the oven on or whatever for dinner as they'll be home in half an hour. They're training multiple nights per week and are often home fairly late, so it is more efficient time wise.

No mine are 16 to 9 and don't track any of them.

No, I never have done. They’re 18 and 20 now. But they can track me through their iPhones which are linked to mine.

im not very techy; I don’t know how they do this. Anyway, I work on the principle that they can find me if they need to.

My friend tracks her dd18 still.
Her other child is 9 so too young yet.

I probably will track mine when they’re older and have phones.

Whole family adults and teens on Life360 all consensually.

I don’t “track” or snoop on the teens or adults but we do all mutually find it handy for various things, for example:
o notifications when leaving work / arriving at station / arriving home so can plan dinner
o when DD1 is on her way home from evening theatre trips in London (often - she’s doing drama a level) it automatically calculates the journey time from her to school so I can time leaving to collect her
o it’s extremely accurate with location, more so than Find My, and indicates which way you’re facing so it’s really helpful navigating to each other in a large crowd eg. music festival
o if we’re late to pick up teens they can see where we are and how long we’re going to be

I find it reassuring that if any of us were in an emergency, myself included, it could help - it sends a notification if you’re in a car crash for example

I think often people that really fall over themselves to say how they’d never track, don’t agree with it etc are telling a lot about their own psyches and behaviours. It can be a negative thing or it can be a useful / positive / neutral tool depending who is involved.

I don't track my children. Youngest dcs are at school or with us or at a supervised activity, so I've never felt the need. They are primary aged and don't have phones. No plans to track them when they're older (they'll travel independently at secondary age as we're in London with decent public transport and we don't run a car so we won't need to know where they are for picking them up).

Adults in the family aren't tracked either, just never felt the need, and we spend most of our time with each other or at work. Occasionally we need to find each other at a large place but it doesn't occur to us to share locations, we just text that we're by the red door or whatever, very old school!

Generally I keep my location turned off on my phone, mainly to save battery but also so it's not logged on photos I've taken etc. Years ago I bought trackers for our keys and my handbag in case we ever lose them, but I don't really use it, none of the items did ever get lost and I suspect the battery has died.

Indeed.

So presumably everyone tracking their teens are also taking the time to teach them that it’s not necessary to track a partner?

Last time this thread came up it hadn’t occurred to a lot of parents who use tracking that they should also be teaching them that while it’s vital they track them, they shouldn’t automatically be allowing others to track them later.

Also there’s very often no acknowledgment in families who all track each other (on here) that it is encouraging the children of that family to accept tracking as being the norm and the risks of that.

Interesting you say you dont track or snoop on uour teens. Then go on to list all the times you do indeed track them. You are tracking them.

Okay, if that’s what you deem “tracking” 🤷‍♂️

I don’t go into the app to check whether they are where I expect them to be / monitor their movements unless there is a practical, mutually convenient reason to do so eg. I’m picking them up and want to get there at the right time.

I don’t use the functionally to kerb their freedom or control their behaviours. We all, including them, find it useful for everyday stuff that could be done without “tracking” but would be less accurate or require us to manually inform - which is the way a lot of technology works - entirely possible to do something without it but the technology makes it a bit quicker, easier or more convenience. And we all, including them, find it reassuring from a safety point of view.

It is tracking with alerts. If you have to dance around that to defend it to yourself, you should reflect on that.

No. I have never tracked my kids, nor my husband. I was on holiday with a large group of school families earlier this year and realised I was about the only one - the kids are all 16+. Not sure who was more appalled by the other side.

Bringing young people up to believe it is normal and acceptable to know where those close to them are at all times is an abuser's charter.

If you are going to do it with early teens, please teach them about how to be safe themselves without a parent able to monitor them. And turn it off well before they reach adulthood, before they start dating etc. Teach them it is ok to say no to this, and not keep it on just because they haven't yet refused.

If they want to hide from you, they will find a way, which puts them in far more danger than them fully trusting you are available to them if anything happens.

Of course, and then I love the word 'consensually', its only because people have normalised this that people think its ok. So of course teens and young people think its normal and ok. So of course they consent. Its coercive.

😂

dance around that to defend it to yourself

Calm down dear. I am sharing my opinion / approach with the topic that is one view, and others are sharing theirs - sometimes the same and sometimes differing. That’s kind of the point of the thread.

In my OPINION your extreme take on the topic and level of concern sounds a lot more unhealthy than the way me and others on the thread use constant surveillance (😂) tracking.

Your "opinion" was that it isnt tracking at all. Now it is tracking? Make your mind up.

What a world we live in. It is "extreme" to think following each around is unhealthy. Wow.

Your persistent hyperbole does your argument no favours.

My whole family share their location. Super handy really for loads of reasons .

It isnt hyperbole. It is constantly tracking and sharing your location. Which bit of that is untrue?

These threads always amuse me because both sides of the debates are often so entrenched and looking at worst case scenarios to prove their points.

If you track your children, they will end up being tracked as adults in coercive relationships.
If you don't track them, they will end up dead in a ditch.

Most people in real life do what suits their families, maybe they track, maybe they don't.

The only thing I would take out of all of this is to talk to mid/older teens about not agreeing to it in an adult relationship if they feel uncomfortable.
But good parents should be talking about lots of stuff with their kids anyway.

Yes. I can see where all my children are (even the adult one). I can also see where my mother is - well her phone at least. Oh and my husband. They can all see where I am too - I feel safe rather than watched.

My youngest - 12 - also has an AirTag in his school bag.

No because they are not a pet

And using anxiety as excuse doesnt make it right to me

No I don’t see what we do as tracking but as you were so concerned with the semantics and I couldn’t give a toss I’ve used your terminology 🤷‍♂️

Call it whatever you like, think whatever you like.

I think your posts and the opinions expressed in them are extreme, yes. I think you sound like a deeply troubled and unhappy person. And others can join the thread and read both our posts and form their own opinions about both of us. Wild isn’t it?

The constantly tracking bit.