How can we help a three year old stop using a dummy

[YourShyLemonGoose]

DP's daughter is 3 years 7 months and still using a dummy quite a lot. He's asked for my help weaning her off it but I have no idea where to start! If you try taking it away you're met by tantrum after tantrum.
Dummy fairy etc. probably won't work as she's quite over indulged as it is so frequently gets new toys etc.

He needs to step up and sort it himself. He just needs to take it away, simple. And stop spoiling her.

I told my almost 3 year old twins that the dummy fairy needed the dummies to take away and give to new babies. And as they are nearly 3 they are no longer babies. We left them in a box outside the backdoor before going to bed. Then whilst they were asleep I swapped the dummies for a few treats from the dummy fairy. They never mentioned the dummy again

Edit to say I thought it would be horrendous and was dreading it. But it was the easiest transition we did

lots of people I know found this book helpful. It is a dummy fairy but doesn’t involve buying gifts - just a story about where the dummies go. Good luck

https://amzn.eu/d/02gdCaY6

We ended up having to go cold turkey.
She was 3 and a half and was at nursery class at school so during the October half term I said that was it...no more dummy.
For about 3 days she was like a car alarm "I waaaaaaaaant my dummmmmmmy" but I either ignored or said "no more dummy".
She gradually stopped asking.
However she did become a chewer of some of her cuddly toys so they had to be put in the washing machine frequently.
GOOD LUCK 🙂

Cold turkey is the only way.

Does she live with you and DP full time? It’ll be tricky if whatever is done in one house isn’t being done in the other. Ultimately, it sounds like it’s part of a bigger issue, which is being afraid of her tantrums. What have the parents tried so far before asking for your help?

My dd loved her dummy and I was dreading it. The last one broke and I didn’t replace it. No problems - couldn’t believe it!

Cold turkey or dummy fairy

Where’s her Mum? I’d be proactively speaking to her if I was him to find out what their joint position will be. I’m not quite sure why he’s asked for your help?

We did it in stages only in bed for about a year then eventually took it there was tears and tantrums but they soon get over it

Ds2 was the only one of ours who had one.

First, we quietly got rid of duplicates so there was only one. Then we spent a few days embedding the idea that his favourite night time teddy (who never left his bed) really loved his dummy too. And ds immediately joined in and started sharing with him. Then we mentioned that teddy was sad in the day without it because he wasn't a big boy like ds was, he was just a baby teddy - and wouldn't it be kind to leave the dummy with teddy? Within a couple of days he was tucking the dummy in next to teddy and telling them both he'd see them for bed.

It worked so well and we went about 6 months with him being (mainly happily) dummy free all day. If he felt sad in the first few days we just reminded him how kind he was and how teddy was looking after it. And a massive bonus was him ALWAYS being happy for bed.

Night time - after about 6 months, we started talking about teddy being too old now, dummies were for babies...and one night we just nabbed it so it was gone when he woke. Teddy had obviously thrown it away because he was too old now 🙈. Couple of unsettled nights then he was fine.

So yeah, toddler gaslighting basically but it was relatively stress free for all.

My youngest is 3 next month. I’m going to start giving dummy at bedtime only then Santa is going to take the dummy to new babies and leave presents. He will not be pleased. Although my doesn’t hassle my mum, my husband or in laws for dummy when he’s with them. It’s likely my fault I allow him to have it when he’s asks me as in my head I still think he’s a baby. My oldest had a dummy for 6 months then just rejected it

I only ever allowed a dummy at bedtime anyway so that helped. My sister was having a baby due on my sons 3rd birthday so we donated all the dummies to the new baby.

The first night was a bit rough, second much easier and then that was the end of that.

it just needs removing without pandering or giving in.

Took my 3 year olds away just after his third birthday, I was dreading it but told him the dummy fairy was coming to get it for the new babies and just got him a pack of sweets from the dummy fairy. He was Soo excited in the morning to see the pack of sweets and never mentioned his dummy again. I think if you explain it before hand and then just get rid it works

I wish it was that easy!

Thank you! Will have a look x

They haven’t tried much really to be honest. And no she doesn’t. She’s split 50/50 between mum and dad. But I agree, whatever happens will need to be continued in both houses

Yeah that’s a good idea to explain it beforehand so it’s not a shock

It really is that easy. He gathers them up and chucks them out. Distract hollering child with a toy, game, cuddle etc or put in safe place and ignore. He needs to grow some balls and stop being terrified of a toddler or starting school will be a rude awakening for both him and her.

I think they’re very much the same, they see her as their baby and so treat her that way but it’s not fair on her at all!

You’re quite right. I think school is going to come as a big shock for both of them!

Haha these are some great ideas! Thank you x

She stays with her 50% of the time so is very much involved but also hasn’t tried very much just like him. I agree they need to find a joint position. And I guess just because he thinks I know kids etc. from my job as a TA.

I've seen other people over the years suggesting putting small holes in the dummy with a needle so that they gradually become less 'suckable'. That they won't feel the same any more so they get rejected by the child.

That would also work at your house regardless of what the child's Mum does.

Hmm that’s a good idea thank you!