How can we help a three year old stop using a dummy

[YourShyLemonGoose]

DP's daughter is 3 years 7 months and still using a dummy quite a lot. He's asked for my help weaning her off it but I have no idea where to start! If you try taking it away you're met by tantrum after tantrum.
Dummy fairy etc. probably won't work as she's quite over indulged as it is so frequently gets new toys etc.

My little boy was absolutely obsessed with his dummy. Got to the point where he only had it when he was tired and whenever we lost one we didn’t replace it. One day when he was just shy of 2 and a half, we accidentally left his last one at his childminders so didnt physically have one for bed that night, luckily id already bought a Christmas dummy set from Etsy which had stickers/certificates etc and a letter from Santa saying thank you for the dummy for the baby reindeers! I’d bought him a present that was from Santa and I explained where it had gone and he lapped it up! Thought it was great! He never once asked for his dummy after that and we never had any issues at nighttime.

Step up. No more dummy. Life goes on after a few day of being annoyed.

This sounds like a great idea! If she still has it at Christmas it’s definitely something to try. Thank you x

Both of mine were 4 before they gave them up. I worried endlessly about them starting school and being laughed at but they both just snapped out of it months before. Their teeth are fine and all is good.

Went cold turkey when DS turned 1. Was upset for a few days and then was fine.

Tried everything. Didnt work. Couldn’t just go and banish dummies because of baby sibling.

In the end explained it would ruin his bite and showed him a picture of a head brace. And added some extra dramatics that people with head braces can’t eat biscuits 🫠

He was slightly traumatised and talked about head braces for a week 🫣

But he didn’t want it anymore. For bedtime we did a kind of sleep train non pressure reverse psychology technique where I said if you shut your eyes and lie down and 5 minutes goes past you can have your dummy. ONLY if you stay in bed and keep eyes shut.

First night I went in early because I wanted him to feel secure in the agreement. Second night I said let’s do 10 minutes. And didn’t go back until 15 by which point he was asleep.

Continued the agreement for about a week but just never went back in.

No dummy now. No sleep issues. No taking from sibling.

Sounds like it worked for you but don’t think I want to traumatise her with the idea of a head brace! Some idea of what will happen if she keeps using it though might be good (deformed teeth, need for braces etc.)

That’s amazing! Did your dentist say anything at all? What made them snap out of it in the end? Are they twins?

If mine didn’t have their dummy thru sucked their thumb instead 🙄

I made it strictly for in bed only, so I would start with that. They did sometimes get into bed for a bit of comfort suck.

You have to ride out the tantrums. Three is too old, as you have already de.

I did exactly the same as this. My daughter loved the idea that it had been taken to a new baby and was keen to ask me whether I thought it was a boy or girl, in our town or somewhere else etc. really engaged with the idea

instead of a treat the dummy fairy left her a a little houseplant on the doorstep, which flowers every year.

We took the dummy off her during the day, not to take out the house etc which she was fine with but still allowed her to have a night. We then talked about the dummy fairy and she decided what she wanted the dummy fairy to bring her. We tried a couple of times and she was too distressed but we got there on the third occasion. Got a couple of dummy fairy books to read etc and she did really well. After 2/3 nights without it she was fine and had forgotten about it

Well it’s not exactly the truth but it’s a vivid picture. And it worked! No tantrums, no battle ground. Just a personal decision that he didn’t want to have a head brace and liked biscuits. Lots of encouragement that he didn’t need it, that we would help him through the change and that he was a big boy and he could do it.

Yeah that’s my only concern that she’ll start replacing it with her thumb for example which we can’t just take away!

Very true, it is

Yeah I think starting with getting rid of it during the day is definitely a good idea! Then can go from there…

This is harsh....despite dummies being 'frowned upon' they are a comforter just as much as a teddy or a blankie for many children, and I doubt people would be so quick to say to throw them out.
Yes as adults we know they aren't great for language, teeth etc so do need to be withdrawn by a certain age, however it should be done kindly not cruelly, gradually transitioning the attachment onto another form of comfort.

They are nothing like teddies. There is nothing detrimental about a teddy, some grown adults even sleep with one as they like the sensation of holding it. A teddy won’t permanently disfigure your anatomy.
The problem here is the 3 year old is calling the shots. And dad is too weak to deal with her.

I agree I think they need to do it gradually and kindly however I fear she may just move on to sucking her thumb or something instead which is just as bad

You make some good points, her dad does need to grow more of a backbone!

Nope! They're 2 years apart. Just stubborn boys who did (and still do) things in their own time. It was the same with potty training, learning to read etc. They did it when they were ready. Dentist did know and was pretty unconcerned tbh

Oh wow that’s good to know, thank you x

My boy was too savvy for the dummy fairy and the like, so I got some of that horrible tasting stuff you put on nails and put that on all but one dummy, which we kept for nighttime and upstairs only. It definitely broke the habit super quickly and the threat of the sole remaining dummy tasting horrible was a good enforcer of not taking it downstairs!

That’s a good idea! How old was your son?

Just over three I think...Just act surprised when it doesn't taste nice and move on!