To refuse swimming at school

[tabbycat4321]

Has anyone been in a similar situation? My youngest, 6yo, hates school swimming. She has a genuine fear of going into the pool at school, I think there is some sensory overload as she doesn't like the getting dressed part either. This causes a lot of anxiety at home the night before and in the morning of swimming. Can I refuse for her to go? She's at a private school. I'd be happy to take her swimming outside of school as we can manage that environment a lot better and she loves swimming on holidays and generally is ok with 1-1 lessons. I understand that they need to be able to swim 25m etc. We did some over the summer that were semi successful (she has some fear still of attempting things alone in the pool). I have 3 older kids so am all for building resilience but this is far more than that, she's genuinely afraid plus I think she get sensory overload. Thanks for any suggestions

I think long term it would be better for her to have you work with school to get her over this? She could surprise herself, get an essential life skill - probably taught better than she could get from a parent (sorry), and learn that sometimes, we have to do things we don’t like.

Yes, explain your concerns to the school.

Yes discuss it with the school and show you are keen for 1-2-1

She’s in private so they won’t force it

I think it would be better to encourage her to go. Tell school her fears and they'll probably take it slow with her and just start with getting her comfortable sitting with legs in, then walking about un the shallow end etc. Not doing it could turn it into a bigger deal.

I would have her go and just very gradually build up - at first just getting changed and watching from the side.

I think she needs to continue going to the school swimming lessons. It doesn’t matter if the school is private or not. If there is a specific reason she is worried about the school lessons you could mention it to them and follow their advice as to how to overcome it. When she goes swimming with you make sure she is always getting herself dressed and it wouldn’t do any harm to take her for extra swimming outside school. Avoiding things that make one anxious just makes anxiety worse in the long run and it isn’t practical to run a school with children avoiding lessons they don’t like. Hopefully if dd keeps going to the school lessons she will get over the hurdle. It will also look better from a peer perspective if she is joining in with everything.

I think you might be surprised at what she just gets on with if the rest of the children are doing it.

My DS is worrying about it and starting swimming with school this school year.
i asked school for more info etc for him and they said he can go and watch, see what happens and try the week after.
He can have his own changing room if needed, raise his hand once he’s in the pool if he needs to get out.

He is AuDHD so different to your DDs situation and I never push him to do something he doesn’t want to do but when it comes to school things I am firmer with him.
I do think he’ll enjoy it once he feels happier/settled with what happens

We pulled ours out, think that is too young. They need 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 when they cant swim. Wont learn in a big class and if she hates it you risk putting her off. Do a week crash course over half term and she will learn super fast.

My youngest refused school swimming- just refused to get into the pool. Local leisure centre, so basically just above freezing temperatures.
We made him do private swimming lessons (in a pool with decent temperatures) until he could swim a length, then stopped completely.
He hates cold wate, and they don’t learn much in the school lesson anyway. I wouldn’t force it - you might gave to collect her before the lessons though, they aren’t obliged to supervise your child if she’s not participating.

They can’t force her and you do have the choice of whether she takes part or not, regardless of what the school or others say. If its causing a lot of stress, it’s not worth it.

Can you take her swimming once or twice a week more to support?

Or ifyou pick her up during the swim time so she doesn't go I think you really need to turn up at the local pool so that swimming is seen as something she does have to learn but youre trying to find a way that is ok for her?

When we had swimming at school, anyone not swimming had to go and sit and watch everyone else anyway - so your daughter may have to sit poolside and still have all the sensory overload. This may possibly help - if she could get used to the environment without the pressure of also changing etc…. Could you discuss a step by step process with school to desensitise her a bit? As it is private school, you may have some say. I think she’d have to stay with the class as they may not have a spare adult to do something else with her - and even if they did, they won’t want lots of them trying to get out of swimming……

Even more important that she has lessons, considering everything you've said! Get her in the water.

OP, it’s a fear she needs to overcome. Part of parenting is teaching our kids they have to do things they don’t want and build resilience, we can’t just remove all unpleasantness

My youngest moaned about school swimming. She still went

I am sure she would ‘hate it’ more to end up in water and drown.

She needs to grow up and get on with it. Swimming is a life skill.

Can she wear her costume under her uniform that day, to reduce the upset with changing? Help her practice getting undressed from a wet suit afterwards too.

Can she use a poncho style towel to help keep hands free while staying covered?

If the lesson is later in the day ensure she knows how to pull the suit aside to pee with it on. Also don't forget to pack pants with her towel.

If she gets on with swimming outside and it’s just a problem that’s going on at school, I’d look to the social side. is there some kind of bullying going on? Does she normally fit in there? It seems a young age group for it, and you don’t say how long she’s been going swimming there, but it’s obviously something specific to school.

'grow up'
The child is six. They grow up naturally.

She needs to learn to swim but doesn't have to do it in that specific setting.

One of my DS hated it as the instructor was just an awful person. A few of us decided to just tell the school our DC wouldnt be doing it, never sent in their swim stuff, so they couldnt go anyway.

I have awful memories of school swimming for similar reasons, id be so anxious the night before I do remember never sleeping 😔 which is probably why I didnt force him to go. He had separate private lessons on the weekends instead.

If she has a disability then you can ask for a reasonable adjustment which could be not going swimming due to sensory overload. But you don’t mention a disability.

As others have said, at our school non swimmers still attend the lesson but sit pool side, therefore she’s still going to get those sensory issues but with the added heat. Our poolside is stiflingly hot.

Are you sure it wouldn’t be better to encourage her and reward her for attendance.

5-6yo DD was hysterical in group lessons (where she had no friends) or doing anything in water that required her not to use floaties / maybe get face wet.

I took her casual swimming (DD using flotation aids) with a friend and boy that focused her mind bcz DD is very competitive. Friend, much younger than DD, swam like a fish.

It might help your DD to see her buddies having fun & getting on with it.