Should my husband call his daughter during our honeymoon abroad?

[Luxe50]

We are on our honeymoon in Corfu. 9 year old step daughter is on holiday in Mauritius with her mum who has asked for a brief call for our step-daughter. My question is whilst this doesn’t really bother me, should step daughter be able to manage without a call for a week (we only left on Saturday). Is this about my husband’s ex partner wanting to interrupt our break. Or am I reading to much into it, I don’t have children so appreciate I may not have the best perspective on holidays and what is usual.

My question is whilst this doesn’t really bother me, should step daughter be able to manage without a call for a week (we only left on Saturday).

Never mind the daughter, I wouldn't marry a man who would be happy not speaking to his young kids for a week. There are always posts on here about th expected level of contact from partners who work away - if an adult would want to speak to their partner during a week's separation, then a child's desire to speak to their dad shouldn't even raise an eyebrow.

When you were 9yo would you have wanted to go a whole week without speaking to one of your parents?

Good lord. Why have you turned a 9 year old wanting to have a phone call with her dad into a battle for control with his ex wife? This does not bode well...

Wow. I’d be more concerned about a father who didn’t want to speak to his daughter while away for a whole week. You sound jealous already.

This poor kid. I predict stormy weather ahead.

Of course his daughter will want to speak to him. Maybe the ex is also doing it to insert herself into your honeymoon- both things could be true- but if you didn't want to spend your life second guessing the motives of your stepdaughter you probably shouldn't have shacked up with someone who already had a child.

I don’t think her mum should have had to ask, your dh should have offered. Yabu to even have considered this. His child comes first.

At first I found this thread deeply depressing Op, in that you are hardly down the aisle before the jostling and ousting of the SDC has started, with the inevitable suspicion of the ex's motives, namely that it is all about vexing you.

But, looking on the bright side, I suppose if it has come up now, there is still time for you to re-set your attitude to something that bodes a little better.

As a starter with that, can I just say that not every biological mother is the crazy, jealous, grasping and useless individual that many second wives would have people believe. In fact, ime they feel well shot of the man with whom things have broken down, and are really not interested in feeling envious or wanting to disrupt someone else's relationship with a man which didn't work for them.

Normally what ex-mums want is fairness and the best outcome for their dc, and yes, that may at times impinge on plans or finances, or equal treatment where you go on to have your own dc. This doesn't make them these sad creatures that sit at home conniving how to sabotage your life: it makes them mothers - and often damn good ones at that.

I think if you start out with that view of the ex (ie; a modicum of respect), things may work better for all.

Ours are 18 and 22 and we would still message most days we are away and possibly call. When they were 9 if we weren’t with them I would probably have had a daily phone call if they wanted it!

How often does he speak to her at home ?
also why does the location you both are matter , although Mauritius sounds much more the honeymoon location

Let him call. It's a brief call. She's 9 and away from home. It's not a power play. It's parenting. Don't overthink it.

We can only go by what you’ve written which is quite brief. So without a back story, I think one call inside a week is very little in way of contact to ask for.

My DH is a very involved father, I’d be very concerned if he wasn’t speaking to his kids for a full week, wherever he was and whatever we’re doing. I mean on a honeymooon I’d rather he do it at a sensible scheduled time, rather than in the middle of our / the kids dinner.

Early on, DH would practically beg mum to let him FaceTime for 5 minutes on not-his-time and she would generally say no, they’re her kids it’s her time, hearing his voice makes her sick etc, but she would flip out if the phone wasn’t answered for FaceTime if they were with us (not maliciously ignoring, if the kids were in the bath or eating dinner) and we’d both get pages of rage text going on for hours about it, even if I wasn’t even home I’d still get it. But on the very rare, occasional time we were away - such as our honeymoon, or a friends wedding, she would insist FaceTime had to happen right now immediately or what sort of shit father is he. I have never forgiven her for sending multiple ‘emergency i need to speak to you urgently’ messages at a friends wedding, (she knew we were there as she’d asked last minute us to have the kids extra that day, but it was childfree and RSVPd months ahead) and it was just to ask ‘was it the orange or blue Doritos SK tried at your house and liked’. DH walked out thinking it was an emergency, and it was just that.

so I do know that sometimes there is more nuance than a simple ‘should DH FaceTime his daughter this week’ but ultimately yes, even if the mother is a nightmare (I’m not suggesting that’s the case for you, just that you mentioned it was mum asking not your SD) but the children are always innocent in this. And she is only 9. There should be 30 minutes at some point on your honeymoon where you’re busy washing your hair or not joined at the hip that he can make this work for everyone.

If this is a genuine question, then I hope you revisit this thread when you have children of your own. A little girl wants to speak to her dad, there's nothing sinister about that. I do hope you will strive to have a good relationship with her, rather than seeing her as competition for your husband's affection.

To slightly defend the OP, it does read like her step daughter doesn’t normally want to ring dad when she’s with her Mum. Other than Christmas Day, I don’t remember my step daughters ever ringing DP when they’re with their mum, or ringing their mum when they’re with us, so I can see why it might have come as a surprise.

It’s almost certainly just because she wants to tell her dad about her holiday though (maybe she has been diving, or something else exciting has happened) or she wants a bit of reassurance after the wedding. Regardless, he should definitely talk to her.

It’s really tricky navigating the early bits of step parenting, but it should get easier. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon!

> our step-daughter
Your step-daughter, his daughter
YABU

That poor child to have you as their step mum.
You begrudge her dad calling her when not seeing her for a week and see it as intruding on your time. That's so sad.

Oh... this is going to be one of those 'happy' marriages.

Why do people insist on marrying single parents and then want to pretend those children don't exist/aren't as important to thier spouse anymore?

Same reason some people have this IL tug of war of hate they like the competition i think

You really shouldn't have married a parent. Of course a 9 year old and her father wouldn't want to go over a week without speaking. If it was my child I'd be on the phone to them everyday. How could anyone think there's something wrong with this?

He should speak to his daughter as much as she wants to speak to him.

I went on my honeymoon last month. I facetimed my 28 and 22 year olds at least twice and messaged them several times a day.

Jesus Christ.

Aww bless you... my OH has no idea about children and what they like or need and would absolutely imagine a 9 year old could surely to goodness manage a week without speaking to a parent. No reason for you to know or understand and it's great that you've asked, rather than worry about it - ignore the less kind replies.

Yes have a few calls, maybe you can chat to her as well? You will need to build a relationship with her and it'll be better if she sees you and hubby and one entity. Ask her about her holiday and what she is enjoying. If you see something that she might like, take a photo and show her during the call and ask if she'd like you and her dad to buy it.

Relax and trust the mum - it'll be worth it.

Jesus fucking Christ dude. You need to wind your neck all the way back in about this. Do you plan to have children? It'll be interesting to see if your opinion changes when you do.

Why would this even be a concern? She's only little and she probably misses him and vice versa.

Ironic that the OP takes time out of her honeymoon to post on MN but begrudges a father taking time to talk with his child.