Partner said we don't get 'breaks' as parents

[PockerMaus]

Partner said we 'dont get breaks as parents' when I went to the gym this afternoon during nap time (gym was closed so I went to some shops instead which apparently was unacceptable I should have come home). He got out of bed at 11:30 today and our 13 month old was up from 7.

How would you react to this.

By saying of course we do he got his bed 11.30

its going to be a miserable few years if you are both welded to your child 24/7

I’d just think you are yet another woman who has had the misfortune to have a child with a useless fucker.

Did you point out that he got 4 1/2 hours of ‘break time’ from parenting this morning?

In a partnership, you give each other breaks.

He gets a lie-in? You go to the gym & shops.

I think you know what he really means is ‘I don’t look after our children on my own’.

This

Yep.

This. Sorry. Very very firm boundaries may help a tiny amount.

He had his break from 7-11.30! You’re supposed to be a team and support each other! He’s being out of order.

What he means is, you don't get a break. He gets to do what he wants.

He means YOU aren't allowed a break, but he is.

Total prick.

When you are feeling prepared, calmly, assertively tell him you will need time to yourself to allow you to continue to be the best parent you can be. It is not negotiable; so is he going to be ok with that?

When you have no bargaining power, financially or in other ways, men can pull this shit, knowing you cannot or will not ever show them consequences.

If you are confident you can show him some sort of consequence, he will feel that in your confident delivery of something like the above.

I’d go absolutely fucking mental at him tbh because I’m psycho like that and take shit from no one. I would instantly feel unattracted to him and he’d be on the thinnest ice of his life.

Yes - what does he say to that?

Ask him if he doesn’t get a break, why he slept so late.

If parents don't give each other breaks from childcare now and then, where is the point in raising children as a couple? You might as well be a lone parent.

He means you don't get a break. Sorry OP, sounds shit

Next weekend, or next time he wants a lie in, you give the baby to him when they wake up and tell him "we don't get breaks as parents".

I had one like this. He hasn't seen the dc's in over a decade and I've had the bed to myself.

Wake him up at 7 the next time he wants a lie in and remind him that 'we don't get breaks as parents'.

You absolutely both need breaks to preserve your sanity and energy, and also to keep up some sort of life outside of your child. A young child of course changes your life, and if exclusively breastfeeding then of course they are a bit tied to you. But it's not a reason to never have a break, especially now at 13 months he's presumably weaning and not so dependent on you if you breastfed. That time should be used however you want.

Me and DH try to split the weekends so that we both get some time with our child and get some time to do what we want. And we also try to have some time altogether. At the moment, my capacity is very reduced due to pregnancy and DH has completely stepped up and probably does over 80% of childcare. That's what partnership looks like!

More importantly how did you react?

You have had a baby with a selfish lazy cockwomble. Run for the hills my love. ASAP 😘

Very true. I love my son with my whole being but damn mama needs a break at times.

Ha ha ha ... If you don't laugh you cry

Certainly did. But apparently I had to help with jobs to get the house ready for photos during my break time. (It's due to go on the market next week).

I mean I wouldn't say I have no 'bargaining power' in the relationship. Financially we are pretty equal. I think his response just shocked me. I can't bargain with stupid I suppose!