Partner said we don't get 'breaks' as parents

[PockerMaus]

Partner said we 'dont get breaks as parents' when I went to the gym this afternoon during nap time (gym was closed so I went to some shops instead which apparently was unacceptable I should have come home). He got out of bed at 11:30 today and our 13 month old was up from 7.

How would you react to this.

Op, he sounds horrible and your responses suggest you know that. Is this really a good time to be buying another house with him? (Unless you mean you are in the process of divorce - phew - and that’s why you’re selling it)

I wouldn’t cry @PockerMaus
I’d find my anger. And tell him straight that you won’t accept any of this shit from him.

"I should have come home"......

Another useless fucker who had sex which resulted in a child being born and then washing his hands of it. Putting all the onus of child rearing on mum.

Fuck him off OP. He's just a shackle around your brain.

I'm a solo mum. Tough slog but child rearing and life and working is anyway. Better than a useless man around. Just takes more energy, physically, emotionally, and practically.

he can get up with the baby at 7 tomorrow and start doing those jobs then.

Next time, wake him at 7am when dc wakes.

Please talk to him ? Find a calm time to discuss how all this is going to work. None of this is easy and some difficult conversations early on can pay huge dividends (speaking from personal experience)

Ok ya'll bit more context ..

So same situation, gets up at half 11 and puts our son down for a nap around quarter to 12. (If at home he'll sleep well, for about 2/3 hours as he usually naps once a day if we're not out and about).

He said he was going to start clearing a cupboard in our spare bedroom so he can get rid of it so the room is ready for photos next week when we market our house. The cupboard has lots of stuff in, but at the bottom is his late mum's jewellery. She passed in 2024 so we've been slowly going through all her stuff. I was chatting to him about it before I left and suggested maybe we take the bits he doesn't want to keep to a jewellers or something 🤷🏼‍♀️. I went through the bits of mine in the cupboard incase he was going on a binning spree and then said I think that's all my stuff, the rest is yours. When I left he was doing stuff on his phone, he hadn't started clearing.

When I got back and told him the gym was closed so I went to some shops instead (I was out for the same amount of time I would have been if the gym was open) he walked out the room. I went and found him shortly after and he said I should have come home when I found the gym closed, or at least rung to see if he needed help. I said he was being unfair as I was just having a break whilst our son was asleep and then could help once back.

Anyway this all turned into a bit of a disaster. He stormed off for the afternoon. When he got back I tried to talk to him and he made the 'we don't get breaks remark' and said he does a lot on his own. He then asked me 'is your mum dead?!' & just told me I had been unreasonable and he was over it and told me to get out of the way. So there's obviously a lot more to this but I still don't understand what I have done wrong in this situation.

You haven’t done anything wrong. He just thinks you shouldn’t have any free time while he can.

You’ve done nothing wrong. The idea that parents don’t get breaks is ridiculous. He takes all the breaks he likes clearly.

But he isn’t making any sense op!!!

He’s had a 4 hour break this morning by lying in, and then he went out all afternoon?!? So, what, 7 hours?

why would he think him taking 7 hours is absolutely fine but you can’t have an hour?

it doesn’t make sense.

Welcome to parenthood, the only job that you don’t get annual leave from.
He is pathetic

Haha very true! Best but hardest job in the world for sure.

I said this and pointed out the hypocrisy.

That's when he played the mum card etc.

The best bit was when he said I should have woken him up if I didn't want to parent alone.

Thank you. It's good to know I'm not going insane!

What has his dead mum got to do with having a break from parenting? Or did the poor lady drop dead from exhaustion?

I love you.

Yep. 🤦🏻‍♀️

No cure for stupid.

For the love of god, take him at his word and wake him the next time he attempts a lie-in. This man doesn't deserve sleep.

You also may want to point out to him that, if you leave him, 50% of your life will be a break from parenting.

What would you like from this thread op?

it’s unanimous that your partner is awful.

so what now. Do you want to just get it off your chest about how awful he is and then just carry on?

or do you want advice about what to do about it?

Maybe he is struggling to go through his late mums stuff in the cupboard and his reaction is not really anything to do with parenting breaks. It doesn’t justify his reaction to you having a break, as you’re entitled to, but it sounds like (for him) there could be more to it.
Also, parenting and getting a house ready to sell and move must put you both under a bit of pressure.
If it isn’t anything like that (grief/ stress / parenting burn out) then, like others, I would be discussing boundaries.

Well you’re very nice yourself. Mostly because I love Tim Curry.

He declared parents don’t get breaks then stormed off…after having a lie in. He’s awful.

some men use the tactic of creating conflict so they can storm off and leave the kids to mum, then want an apology for nothing.

you did nothing wrong.

Silver lining…you are selling the house? What’s the next move..something separate?

It’s good he’s clearly told you to wake him tomorrow because that’s what I would be doing every single day. And taking my breaks.