Biting at school

[Stanley90]

Looking for some advise my son is in reception started in September he was really badly bitten in March (drew blood) on his chest and a week after the same child bit his finger. Spoke to the head teacher at the time and they said they would keep an eye on it and then nothing happened further. Until today I got a phone call from his teacher to say he’s been bitten on the finger by the same child.
What do I do??
Would you move schools?
I have sent an email to the head asking for a meeting and about what is being put in place for year one but I’m livid that it’s happened for a third time.

Its awful that has happened to your child. But what do you actually want them to do about it? I'm sure they're monitoring him the best they can and trying to avoid this but in reception there is a lot of free play and I don't know what they can realistically put in place that would ensure it never happened again.

You might have to move schools if you are unhappy but you never know what you're moving to. There are so many more children with difficulties in mainstream school now.

As above really. There will be no additional funding just for a child who bites and schools are haemorrhaging TAs. Following a child round who bites on average once every 4 months (unless it's happening to others) is not a good use of resources. It's rubbish but what's the answer? Another school might well have a child who causes the class to be evacuated frequently or a hitter. It's always something of a risk to move.

@Ifitsgoodenoughforyou There does not have to be free play in YR all the time! My DDs certainly didn’t get that and in the circumstances here, the biting child should not be allowed to have freedom to bite. Parents don’t know what has been put in place of course for another child, but @Stanley90your dc must be kept safe at school. You therefore need to know what strategies are in place to prevent repetition as it’s now escalated.

You can ask how the dc will be separated next year, what seating arrangements will be, what supervision is there on the playground and what staffing there will be in the classroom? Y1 is more formal but the school needs to take this seriously. I’d look around at other schools but you might have some awful child there too!

It’s not possible for you to demand anything happens to the biting child. It’s not your call.

To be honest I’m not actually quite sure what I want really. Suppose I’m just looking for something more than we “are trying to keep them apart” as that’s clearly not working. This child has had issues with other children in the class, hitting making them cry etc, I’m not sure if he’s bitting anyone else though.
I agree with what you’re saying but also the class is tiny it’s 15 children 2 ta’s and a teacher I think that’s plenty of resource to ensure children aren’t getting bitten.

@Stanley90 That’s a very rich school! Fantastic staffing ratio! Is it a private school? It is a “haven” school for Sen dc? In my honest opinion, I don’t think 15 gives your DS sufficient space to flourish and how many boys are there? I’m assuming it’s a boy that’s biting?

What about sport and play? How will your DS ever get away from this child? If it’s a private school, they can ask this dc to leave but in state they cannot. I’d really wonder if this is the school for you. What are other parents thinking? Usually there’s chat if a child is hurting others.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner 100% as you have said my priority is his safety first and foremost and they seem to down play it and aren’t really taking it seriously as a school, which on reflection is making me feel like a crap mum. Am I not fighting enough for him or on the other hand am I over reacting. I’m actually not encouraging they be separated either but that’s what the teacher has decided.
I have emailed the head asking for a meeting to discuss what is being put in place for when they go back in Y1, I would as you have said at the very least expect more supervision on the playground.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner not private just a very small church school.
Yes it’s a boy. There is 8 boys, 9 including mine.
maybe your right maybe he needs to be in a bigger class, I was drawn to it as it was smaller classes and a good rep in the area for results and personal development.
this is my point when they say they are keeping them away it’s absolutely impossible the class is so small it will never work!

Is your son happy otherwise? If so if not be moving just because of this.
15 kids and 3 adults almost certainly means that at least one of those children is already requiring one to one supervision.
It’s fine to keep pushing school to do everything they can to prevent these occurrences. Are other children also getting bitten?

@Smartiepants79 he seems really happy. Had parents evening last week he’s doing great and meeting all targets etc. Today when I picked him up he didn’t mentioned the biting he said he had a good day. He did tell me about the incident once I asked but it’s clearly not a massive deal to him. He just said he wasn't very nice to me.
It’s definitely me thinking am I doing the right thing, and I also don’t want the school to do nothing they need to take is seriously.

The benefits to being in a class of 15 (with so many adults!) compared to a class of 30 cannot be overstated. I'd think very carefully about a move.

@Ploomv It’s too few pupils. There’s a problem already with one. So how many friends are left? 7 possibilities. It’s narrow if this is a mixed class. What about sports teams, music ensembles and activities that benefit from bigger groups? @Stanley90 My DD2 had 18 in her class at a girls prep with 3 classes. First class music, drama and sport. Are you certain the school offers enough for him? Near me, the village schools this small are good at academics but light on the other things because of lack of numbers. I’m amazed your school is so rich that they have they staffing though, Will the clsss amalgamate with another one for y1 onwards? 15 is not financially viable.

I’d be furious OP with their wishy washy attitude. They are 5, not 2. They should not be biting like wild animals, and your son should be better protected. He goes to school to learn, not to be maimed.
This is typical of toddlers and you expect it. By almost Year 1 this should be long past.

@Floppyearedlab I doubt this is an atypical child who is biting. This attitude of no nonsense, inflexible thinking is not helpful.

Your hyperbolic language is also making me laugh, so thanks for that.

As much as it might be a child with additional needs biting the school still has a duty of care to safeguard OPs child. Their child should be able to attend school without the risk of being bitten.

@Stanley90i would calmly request a meeting with Head an ask what appropriate steps have been taken to safeguard your child as it’s not a one off incident.

Biting is awful and I always used to think better to be the ‘bitee’ than the ‘biter’ but this is primary school we are talking about. Not 1/2 year olds at nursery.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner they join classes in Y1 so y1& y2 are primarily together and so on.
He does swimming and dancing separately outside of school, but yes I do understand your point.

I totally agree that any child should be able to attend school without risk of harm but the reality is that there is limited funding, long wait lists for assessments and sadly there's not much you can do if a child is determined to bite they'll find an opportunity despite rigorous steps in place. It can happen so fast that I just dont know what you expect the school to do above keeping them separated as much as possible and being extra vigilant.

The likelihood is the parents of this child are fighting a losing battle to get an assessment, an ehcp, a specialist school place. It's sad for all the children involved.

@Ifitsgoodenoughforyou yes I have emailed her as she wasn’t around yesterday. I have asked for a meeting before the school year ends about how/ what is being put into place to stop this happening. The child really hurt my son the first time and I’m fearful of that happening again. They brushed it off as it’s out of this child’s character and I’m not quite sure that’s something they should have said if he’s now done it a third time. He may have additional needs but as @oustedbymymate has suggested you still can’t go around biting people. I’m really torn as we could move and there be other problems but also there may not be.

@Ifitsgoodenoughforyou fully agree with you re funding etc. But as a parent my child is my priority and I feel it’s my duty to kick up a fuss as otherwise how am I advocating for my child. Respectfully it’s not my problem if they don’t have funding there job whilst in that classroom is to protect them kids and they aren’t doing that.

@Stanley90absolutely agree re advocating and it’s not your problem re funding etc but it IS your duty to safeguard your child. Once is forgivable. More than once is not regardless of the situation.

It’s horrible @Stanley90 and I do think we as parents and schools need to move away from the “ah well it happens, what can we do..🤷‍♀️”
I’ve said before on similar threads and it didn’t go down well, was the only thing that stopped the child who kept biting mine and hitting, was an almighty push away, and ‘get back!’ and when that wasn’t enough, next time dc walloped him back…
strangely that actually worked after all the wishy-washy “kind hands” request to violent child.

@oustedbymymate I do agree, but what im asking is what do you actually want them to do?

SENDCo here... the school have a duty to keep your child safe. The biter clearly needs clearer supervision and possibly some sensory intervention. Keep complaining, the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Lots of large state primaries offer little in the way of music ensembles, sports opportunities and drama. That is not necessarily a small school issue. Round here, small schools actually do a lot more sport and every child takes part. Agree the choice of friends is limited.

@Stanley90it's not your responsibility to safeguard your child at school, it's thier responsibility.
A meeting with the head is perfect and if not resolved then go to the board of governors.
This is not acceptable behaviour at all.

Thanks everyone! I’ll wait to see what the head replies with or if I do get the meeting over requested. I’m not holding out much hope I’ve kinda lost all faith in them to be honest. I’m wondering if they would down play it if it was their own child! @ALovelyPinkUnicorn haha THIS! I’m teetering on the edge of telling him to fight back instead of me being “kind hands” crap!