Biting at school

[Stanley90]

Looking for some advise my son is in reception started in September he was really badly bitten in March (drew blood) on his chest and a week after the same child bit his finger. Spoke to the head teacher at the time and they said they would keep an eye on it and then nothing happened further. Until today I got a phone call from his teacher to say he’s been bitten on the finger by the same child.
What do I do??
Would you move schools?
I have sent an email to the head asking for a meeting and about what is being put in place for year one but I’m livid that it’s happened for a third time.

We have been having a lot of incidents affecting my granddaughter in reception there is a child who has hurt a number of children in her class and there have been multiple incidents during the year my GD has been bitten , had hands round her throat and been very badly scratched among other incidents. We did experience some of this being downplayed by school but the parents of the affected children have challenged this and the child in question now has a full time 1:1 . He doesn’t have an EHCP in place at the moment and it has taken quite a lot of parental pressure to get here but it is completely not ok that this is happening

@PinkCatCushion They cannot guarantee anything. Of course not. They can take steps to try and get to the bottom of why and try to prevent it. Fobbing off parents is not good enough. Explaining a strategy to try and keep DS safe is the least they can do. They have a duty to do what they can to improve the situation.

Is it only children in school who get asked the blaming “what were you doing that made them assault you?”’ I wonder?

@ALovelyPinkUnicorn Children often bite because they cannot express themselves and ask another child to stop doing something. Some dc don’t like noise but cannot express this. It’s reasonable to look at anything the child might see as challenging in other dc. It’s not blame, it’s looking to see how biting can be prevented.

My DD was bitten by a child who didn’t like her singing. She was 4 and at nursery but sang loudly and enthusiastically even then. The nursery worked out what the problem was and DD was asked to move away from this boy when she burst into song. They didn’t have to play together and he later came to her birthday parties. I never saw dd as blamed and we phrased it as her helping him by being aware of him. She still sings in a choir. Both learned about consideration of others feelings.

Prevented by deciding it’s the other child’s behaviour that’s caused them to be bitten?
”well Jimothy doesn’t like you singing so he’ll bite you”..,
would “well Tabitha doesn’t like being bitten so she’ll lamp you”
be ok?

I'd be teaching my child to punch him in the mouth if he bites him again. He can't keep getting away with it.

@IronEverything honestly it’s crossed my mind this week. It’s so hard to try to do the right thing when it comes to this sort of stuff.
I’ve always taught my child it’s not kind to hit.

@Stanley90 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but some dc simply don’t follow rules and teaching. Kindness isn’t understood by them as it’s an abstract concept. Some dc don’t have feelings for others. It’s a minority of course but you will find it in a few dc. They don’t as adults either or we would be violent crime free society. Most of us are successful in having decent enough dc, but teaching and getting the desired result isn’t always possible. Schools have to recognise the dc where this problem exists and do all they can to help that child and keep the others safe so they can learn without fear and interruption.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner your right and I know they are only young at the end of the day, they have wild emotions at this age and are still learning. I just want school to acknowledge that it’s not a one off by this child like they allured to the first time. I was more then accommodating the first, second time I won’t be on the third. Regardless as a school the boy needs management on how to handle behaviours if he doesn’t like something. My child went to nursery for 3 years and never once came home injured, I find it mind blowing the ratio of staff and they can’t keep a handle on them.

@Stanley90 I do agree. Such generous staffing does mean they could do a better job in my view. I would not be happy either.

Small schools often have little experience to draw on - on any number of issues.

One of my daughters went to a small primary school - very old fashioned, hot on homework, on traditional ways of doing things. It was hard to get anyone to think of other ways of doing things. So many children were let down in lots of different ways by their inability to show any flexibility or try something new.

I sent my second daughter to a huge primary school. 3 form entry, which rose to 5 form. It was a different ball game. They had so much more experience in just about everything. They weren't afraid to try new things.

Bigger schools have more budget and can fund things like playtime supervisors, youth workers - a smaller school might only be able to fund half a worker.

Imo your school doesn't know what to do or doesn't have the funding for it. I would move.

@Arran2024This school has a teacher and 2 TAs with 15 in the class! It’s super rich! It might, however, be a haven for Sen dc which is why it’s very generously staffed. Tiny schools are not to my taste as friendships are too limited, but this school has staff. It might have limited expertise of course and with few teachers, that’s a possibility.

@Arran2024 they have plenty of resources, they have TA’s coming out of their ears 🤣 A part of me wants to move but the other part of me also thinks why should I have to. Up rooting my child from friends he’s made etc, I really don't know! I’m beginning to think maybe a small school wasn’t a great idea after all.

@Stanley90 I think small schools appeal for very young dc. They feel like family and everyone knows everyone.

However, expertise can be thin on the ground and, certainly here, many village schools don’t fill up from the village so attract dc from the towns where parents don’t want the bigger schools there and want “white” schools I’m sorry to say .

But, snd it’s a big but, quite a few of these dc might be sen. The village schools cannot refuse them entry if they are not full but it can really skew a year group. The schools need the pupils for the budget but they import problems they find difficult to resolve and other parents are not happy. You are seeing how this works, sadly.

I would not move, yet. I would accept your choice limits friendships, sport, collaborative music and other extras bigger schools offer. When he gets to
ks2, I might think again bearing in mind what he needs. Most 5 year olds have not made life long buddies at 5 but what’s cute in YR is very claustrophobic by y5/6. So keep an eye on it is my view.

I think you’re right to ask for a meeting. Hopefully they can reassure you that they have some measures in place.

I would avoid a move. I don’t understand why some posters suggest moving to a bigger school with more pupils. You’ll just have more issues and behaviours to encounter!! It’s very rare to have that adult ratio so I’d expect that one of the TAs is for him already perhaps? They can’t share confidential information and he likely has additional needs. Moving to more kids and probably no TAs won’t necessarily be right. If he’s doing well and generally not fussed then don’t rock the boat yet. See what they say and then keep an eye in Yr 1.

There will be TAs in a bigger school. I’d be inclined to wait though. For me, moving would be more about opportunities and spreading wings.

See how it goes on in September, like you’ve said your DC has made friends and it’s unfair for them to lose this through no fault of their own. I’ve seen who is all over this post and I don’t think you are being given good advice. It’s great to test the water and get some opinions but please remember this isn’t real life and none of us have any clue who we are talking to 🙏 (I’m not meaning who you’ve tagged here 🤣)

@CanterThroughChaos Do you mean me? I’ve honestly no idea why. Is there a need for riddles? I’ve had a child who was bitten, worked in Education for many years before retiring and have been a governor of three schools. I would just say who you are talking about. I don’t see how you and me differ greatly on this. I’ve said see how it goes too.

Small schools can appeal to anyone for a variety of reasons and locations. Some don’t have as much choice.

some have wonderful resources and link up with other small schools for bigger events.

for some a small school doesn’t work. For some they are great.

no idea what this “white” thing is you’ve mentioned. I don’t recognise that as a thing. I’ve got experience of all kinds of schools due to my job.

TAs are like a sticking plaster. The small school my daughter went to had lots of TAs too, because the school generally couldn't meet sen needs, so lots of children got ehc plans with TAs as the infrastructure in the school wasn't suitable.

Meanwhile at the huge school, it was harder to get an ehc because the infrastructure allowed the school to meet a lot of sen needs without ehc plans and TAs.

The big school had three emotional support workers for starters - small school had none. It had a huge playground and it paid for youth workers to work with certain children during breaks and also take them out of class for extra sessions.

It had a wide range of teachers, every year they had new staff, and there were head of year posts, so it meant that ambitious teachers joined for promotion - at the small school, the staff had been there for over 20 years and there was no movement, no new ideas either.

They had a big sen team and had seen such a wide variety of children and behaviours and were able to use this expertise. The small school never seemed to know what to do. For example, both schools had girls with severe eating problems. Small school did nothing, didn't even notice what was happening. Big school made appropriate arrangements - they had staff available to do it.

My younger daughter had a lot of additional needs and would have been given an ehc and her own TA at the small school. She didn't need it at the big school. She did need one for secondary, so we got that organised at the end of year 6.

Thanks everyone. Summer holidays start for us next week, so there isn’t much we can do yet.
I spoke to the head, made it known my concerns she knew I wasn’t happy and agreed with everything I said- she can’t not really can she! They obviously aren’t going to tell me this but I just have a feeling he can’t be the only one who is being bitten surely? 🤷‍♀️ who knows.
@MeetMeOnTheCorner i understand about spreading wings I really do, however he does attend clubs outside of school. Currently he goes dancing and swimming and looking to start gym or tennis in the new term so he is around plenty of other children.
There are pros and cons to every school setting.
@CanterThroughChaos yeah there isn’t really much I can do atm with holidays starting so yes your probably right to see how Y1 starts, different teachers and mixed with the older children etc.

@superspideysense Ok. I do understand about various schools and advantages and disadvantages. In my LA many village schools are infants only because it’s recognised dc need a bigger environment for ks2. Clearly in very rural areas, there is one school but I’m not in such an area. Whst we have here is “white flight”. Some town schools are not very racially mixed and the white parents get dc into the village schools, especially the CofE ones, that are fairly handy but need a car to access them. The villages don’t have enough dc so they stay open with the dc brought in by car. It’s been going on for decades but I doubt my bit of the country is unique. The old manufacturing towns have a different demographic and some parents are not keen to be part of it. Hope that explains what I meant.

@Stanley90I would be surprised if your DS is the only child being bitten. Is there any chat at collection about this? Other parents might have similar issues. If the head knew the problem, I would assume they are trying to deal with it. I think you go into y1 and keep a close eye on what’s happening. Dc are not playing to the same extent so there really should be supervision by the ta. However why this wasn’t happening in yr was a mystery to me. They have prioritised learning over safety and it feels like they are on a steep learning curve. Heads in small schools will worry about potential leavers as the money for most becomes tight. I wonder if the school put in an extra ta from further up the school and did know this dc had needs? Do you know staffing for next year?

@MeetMeOnTheCorner there will be 2 teachers (they both do 2.5 days & cross over on a Wednesday) plus 3 TA’s in Y1.
I was honest with the head and told her I felt like moving him and that we had been let down.

But EHCPs are based on need, not the school environment. They provide funding to provide all the interventions and arrangements that you describe, whether in place already or not. Whether a school chooses to pursue EHCPs is another matter. EHCPs no longer tend to be written to essentially provide a 1:1 TA every day for general classroom support, they all detail a long list of interventions and are costed accordingly. Your post is very eloquently written but as a SENCO in a small rural school, and who used to be a SENCO is a much bigger school, I don't recognise the reality of it at all.

In theory ehc plans are based on need, but there are lots of factors which influence whether you get one. One of the biggest issues is parental involvement - perseverance, ability to access advice and maybe pay for reports, stand up to unhelpful schools and LAs, pull together evidence.

And imo another is provision in the school. Most parents are not going to ask for an ehc if they think their child is adequately supported.

In fact, the ehc is mainly a vehicle for funding - everything else is lovely, but it primarily gives you the right to expensive services, whether it's a part time TA or a place at an independent sen school.

Our younger daughter was well supported at her primary school but we wanted her to go to an independent sen school for secondary, so we needed the ehc. It would have been difficult to get her the evidence that she needed an ehc at her primary school because she was supported in ways only a big school could provide.

There is a group of children who will need an ehc wherever they are, whose schools are on board. There are other children who are not quite so straight forward and where parents arethe ones taking the lead, and they do so if their child's school isnt able to provide whst they need.