Help - What am I legally expected to pay beyond CMS and mortgage?

[DadofThreeee]

Hi all, bit of a long one.

I'm just looking for some advice on where I stand and what is generally considered fair in my situation.

I currently pay child maintenance for my two children through CMS, but I also pay quite a bit on top of that. I'm still paying half of the mortgage on the former family home, half of the annual boiler service (not sure I should even do this), half of the children's after-school club costs, school trips and I contribute towards other clubs and activities as they come up. I'm also still paying off some arrears and debts from during the marriage.

The children stay with me one evening a week and every other weekend from Friday evening until Sunday evening. I've asked if I can have them more often, but that hasn't happened. As my ex doesn't drive, I do all of the collections and drop-offs for my contact with the children.

I moved out of the former family home in October 2024. I still legally own half of the property but no longer live there no party is in a position to buy the other out and the children are not 18 for many years.

I'm trying to budget for next year because I know very soon I will be asked for money to buy items like school uniforms.

I'm also unsure where I stand if I'm asked to contribute towards household items or repairs at the former family home. For example, if the fridge freezer needs replacing, my son needs a new mattress for his room there, the shower needs repairing or replacing, or there are other household costs. As I still jointly own the property but don't live there, I'm not sure what my legal responsibility is.

My questions really are:

If I'm already paying CMS and all of the above, am I expected to keep paying extra whenever something comes up? Is there any legal obligation to pay towards things like school uniforms, or is that something that should come from the child maintenance unless both parents agree otherwise?

What is my legal responsibility for costs relating to the former family home that I jointly own but no longer live in? Does that differ depending on whether it's an essential repair to the property or simply replacing household items?

Please note by no way am I trying to avoid supporting my children at all, I always will. I just want to understand where my legal responsibilities begin and end, especially as I'm paying CMS, contributing towards the former family home, covering historic arrears from the marriage, and managing my own household, other child with my new partner and our own finances.

I'd be really appreciative of hearing from anyone who's been in a similar situation or has experience of how this usually works. I also do not mean to trigger anyone who has an ex who does not even pay the bare minimum.

Thanks.

My divorce was 10 years ago. So, maybe it’s handled differently now?

Use the CMS online calculator to work out how much you should pay. Be truthful about your income.

Mine was a little more complicated than a regular salary as I worked through my own company. So, dividends, rental income, interest on savings were subject to a variation. Something that ex challenged every year until child was 18.

CMS could be arranged by phone. Once their assessment was complete it became binding.

For assets, try to split amicably. If courts, solicitors and barristers become involved costs can be huge and the process can take years.

Mine took two years to complete. Costs exceeded £50K and that was in 2016. I would have rather given the ex that money, but they made a fight of it and there was less in the pot to split by time a court order was issued.

Good luck.

You don't get to decide if you drop charges - id love to hear her version of events as it'll be very telling

I don't think the OP will be back now someone has found his other thread where it says he left late 2025 when I think mathematically he would have already got someone else pregnant?

There is a post in relationships at the moment where the H is cheating and has announced retrospectively that the wife is abusive and controlling. It's a common strategy of cheating men to rewrite the history of the relationship to justify their pathetic actions.

This. 100 percent. Some of you have obviously had bad experiences with your exes but thats not this mans fault! Grow up. Some responses here are just spiteful.

So you can’t see anything wrong with OP getting a woman pregnant before he left his wife. And leaving his kids with a woman he says is abusive? If so, you probably need to raise your standards a little

It's so predictable but the dick-panderers fall for it every time.

Funnily enough I left my abusive ex wife when my son was 18 months old.

She promptly got pregnant by someone else and beat him up in the street about two years after she met him.

Yo do not have to pay more than CMS says you owe.

Shouldn't you sell the house and divide the proceeds if you can't afford to buy each other out, then you each rent or buy a much cheaper property each.

I am not a 'dick panderer' as you so charmingly put it. If in doubt, sling some name-calling around.
I am however able to form a judgement on the situation as it has been put to us without bias and judge the situation, not the gender of the people involved.
You should try it some time.

Maybe you should? You've been supporting a liar and cheater just because he's a man.

She has to pay for her share - you are under no obligation to pay hers
furthermore, if you push you could get the children 50% of the time if that’s something you want. She has way way too much control over you and you pay for far too much

Honestly you need to see an alright lawyer and at least get some initial advice

Unfortunately even when a women is abusive to a man it doesn't seem to be an issue legally for them to reside with the mother still (I know this from experience) If on the other hand it was a man being abusive it's a different story (also know this from experience).

He is entitled to be happy and move on and there actually are a lot of women who are abusive and it does sound like she's taking all she can from this man.

He hasn't said one he doesn't want to or can't pay for his children he hasn't called her anything other than abusive and he's admitted yes he has another child with someone even after a short while.

Can we all remember he is a human being and like every single one of us on here, he isnt perfect and again IS entitled to move on and be happy.

People on Mumsnet can be so nasty because they seem to think posters are lying. It is sad really that even on an anonymous site people can't take things as word and have to start investigating previous threads etc.

OP, I would pay for the house, Child maintenance and a court order to see your children more and this in turn reduces the maintenance you pay to the ex. Anything extra is good but not legally required. I hope you get to see your children more and have a happy ending 😊

Have I missed something?

Came on to say the same. She doesnt have a legal right to stay in the home until the youngest is 18.

Seems like it.

thank you, this was something I was advised today. I spoke with a paralegal initially and have good some really key information.

Thank you for your kind words. I have got some useful information from a few posts. I spoke with a paralegal initially as the other thing I was concerned about not affording was the legal stuff the call today really put me at ease.

yes that is my understanding and what I will be looking to settle as, I don want to fight, just a fair settlement and a clean break.

the other post was summarised by AI, the date was wrong and I did not check it. The cheating was done by her, I forgave her in 2022 and left after the 2nd incident. The other post was that I left the family home in october 24 (not 25) there was no cross over. thanks.

I did though, I wasnt the one calling the police for that incident, after her bail the police asked me what I wanted to do, I just removed the direct communication with her and dropped the charges, maybe I shouldn't havem maybe it would have been a better position. I highly doubt her version of events would be very different at all.

You really need to prioritise a solicitor, at least regarding child arrangements - she can't really stop you having them 50/50 unless she has a concern. When me and my ex started separating and divorce we had to go through mediation to agree on child and living arrangements.

If you want 50/50 there is then no legal requirement for CMS but it's expected that all costs such as clubs, uniform etc would be joint.

You need to start proceedings asap and get the house up for sale.

Why are you asking a bunch of mums on the internet and not asking a solicitor or citizens advice bureau? 🙄

Given you have an 18month old with your new partner you have had lots of time to get legal advice on your financial responsibilities.

Given you want to have more time with the children you've started court proceedings for more contact.

Given you've brought another child into the world, and are in a new relationship you are keen to formalise your divorce.

🙄🤦

It reads a bit like “how little can I get away with “.