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My daughter said '****'s daddy did it' and now Im scared and dont know what to do

227 replies

clothears · 24/06/2008 21:24

My mum was looking after my daughter today and thought she saw blood on her pants (it wasnt), she asked my DD how it happened. DD replied ''s daddy did it'. My mum asked what happened and DD said ' wont be my best friend anymore' I have had the same coversation with her. She is only 3.5 yrs old. Im worried. What do I do? My friends partner did look after her last thursday night while I went out. She has been moody since then and I thought nothing of it. I have had thrush and she has been saying she is sore, so I assumed she may have caught thrush from me but its easing and there has been no blood and she isnt sore.
Please help.....

OP posts:
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EBenes · 25/06/2008 22:41

Yes, I understand why people are terrified of prurience and scaring someone into overreacting. I think it's just that this is such a common fear that a lot of us reading are seeking some kind of pre-advice for how we would deal with it. Rather than trying to hang someone or influence someone.

soph28 · 25/06/2008 22:41

TheMagnificent7- please get your facts straights before you say something like 'I've read, and re-read the original message, and it does not say that he told her that xx wouldn't be her friend any more IF SHE TOLD ANYONE. That piece of damning evidence was introduced into this feed by SOPH28, not clothears.'

I know you realised you were wrong but if you are going to be so harsh make sure you are right.

I only stepped in to try to defend the OP because some people were almost attacking her and implying there was nothing to worry about.

I hope it is nothing. Most likely totally innocent. It may not be though.

TheMagnificent7 · 25/06/2008 22:42

Absolutely stealth. I'd be in bits if it were one of my daughters, and I understand the need to cinfide first before going to an authority. There are great organisations out there that can guide. And the system is the right thing to do.

My point is illustrated by this. Now, if you knew this chap, how many of you would still unquestionably leave your daughter or son with him when/if he's proved innocent. Really.

If I was accused/questioned of a crime that there was no basis to, and by a friend of my partners who trusts me, but they had gone to the NSPCC, Barnardos, the Police, the Emergency room, the Social Services unit, and the internet where at least 148 posts had discussed it, i'd be a little miffed. People DO NOT shake this kind of allegation. It's exactly like footballers and rape allegations for paper stories, girls who claim their drinks were spiked when really it was nothing (please don't shout, read the recent police report - around 2% only were real)but they blame their friends, people like Matthew Kelly who was wrongly accused, etc.

Just go easy, panic and prejudice will not solve anything. It may be true, it may not, but one of these feeds says he COULD be innocent. Doesn't sound like they believe that though. I'm new here, but I understand some of you meet up. That'll be an uncomfortable tea party round at clothears house if her mate and her partner turn up and he's shown he did nothing.

There's a danger of you killing a man's pride for his love for his daughter, and making his life a misery. If he's done something, then fine we'll all enjoy doing that once it's thoroughly proved. But think how you'd feel if we all discussed on here that you were a boozer, and one of your friends mates kids grandmothers had asked your 3 year old a question that had an ambigous answer but just in case we're going to take your child away. Just in case. Think you'd ever get over that ?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

BooshBaby · 25/06/2008 22:44

Magnificent7 - I see you are new? Well, I for one think you are a very welcome addition to MN.

TheMagnificent7 · 25/06/2008 22:45

soph28 - still sorry, but i did explain that it makes it sound like he did this when that may not be the case, it's the inference. But sorry. Really. My friend said this place was lively...

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2008 22:45

So are you suggesting she should have contacted someone else without coming on MN? MN is my first port of call when I'm indecisive, I'd be annoyed if that was taken away. Choice of whether to meet up etc is up to her, I agree with you but I think future MNers opinions of her DH is probably low on her list of priorities right now.
Anyway, I agree with whoever said this thread should be left until/if the OP returns.

herbietea · 25/06/2008 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheMagnificent7 · 25/06/2008 22:57

My suggestion is in the first place clothears should contact an authority of some kind. I know this is emotionally terrifying, so it's all easy to say in hindsight. But this is not the best place to seek advice on what may be a terrible crime in so much detail. Its the same way jurys can be influenced. Half of us a have already formed a total opinion as to what happened, know what the child was thinking, know what the pen was for, know what the grandmother said/did/was wearing. Do you see that it's a massively emotive subject, and that if this chap had had the chance to defend this story, it may have been nothing, everyone would feel just a little less sick than they did when they read the opening remark, and there would be no damage at all. I'd be destoryed if you accused me of hurting anyones children or my own, and had openly discussed it in an insecure web environment, and there was mention of names as well.

Your suggestion is best, the moderators should remove this feed to protect clothears interests, as well as this blokes. It will stop the panic and not cause such scarring. I wouldn't want anything taken away, and thoroughly encourage open discussion amongst the public as a better form of general recommendation and support. But this is about a million miles away from that.

As Quincy would say "Were talkin bout human liiives"!

ButterflyMcQueen · 25/06/2008 22:58

magnificent you must learn to read more accurately

BooshBaby · 25/06/2008 23:22

herbia - that is what I was trying to ask earlier. I don't understand that part of things, at all.

hayley2u · 25/06/2008 23:32

get her doctors, first thing tommorrow, phone helpline for advice. this is abslolutly terrifying. an thing could have happened, please get emergency help.you poor woman and your poor dd what a horrible thing to happen.
but an abuser would fretten achild with something like that , dont tell anyone or * wont be your friend anymore, as a fret tohere. kep us posted hope you are ok xx

TheMagnificent7 · 25/06/2008 23:53

I'm following the bear and leaving this one. It's pointless speculation without any real facts, and is underrepresented. Emotive subjects are good, but this is too specific. I'll re-start reading classes tomorrow, as my limited knowledge of the hundreds of acronyms used is making it even more difficult to follow the many entries.

My final alternative would be that if one of my daughters friends had got pen on her and told her not to tell or she wouldn't be her friend anymore, i'd understand that perfectly. If one of my friends husbands/partners who had his own daughter of the same age was accused out of the blue by another friend who openly discussed it on a website i'd struggle to understand much of that.

ButterflyMcQueen, I think I read all of your points accurately, but as a new chum I'll be happy to pick up a leaflet on grammar and punctuation at my ABC class tomorrow so everyone can read much more accurately.

Night all

Tortington · 26/06/2008 00:10

i hope all is ok i really do - with the limited info here - i thing this is a ta do over nought

getmeouttahere · 26/06/2008 07:39

Magnificent7, don't let a couple of sniffy comments drive you away from here. You are entitled to add your opinion, just like everyone else.

ssd · 26/06/2008 08:10

how come your mum thinks she saw blood on your dd's pants on Monday and you think it was because of an incident last Thursday?

something doesn't add up here

KnickersOnMaHead · 26/06/2008 08:30

Message withdrawn

hatrick · 26/06/2008 08:36

This reply has been deleted

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KnickersOnMaHead · 26/06/2008 09:00

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 26/06/2008 09:08

I agree with custardo and am maazed that there is so much talk before anything is known for sure.Kids do say things that can be misconstrued and I hope thats what this is.

TheMagnificent7 · 26/06/2008 09:39

FOrgot to say yesterday that the bit of advice by LewisFan is fantastic - ^"Don't ask her - don't speak about it with her

Ring 0800 11 11 and ask THEM where to go - it's Childline.

From here on in, have no secrets with her - have surprises.

I don't have secrets in my house - if there is something needing to be kept quiet, it's a surprise. No-one ever says "this is our little surprise..." so I'm making it clear to my DS that secrets in any form are not good and he MUST tell me straight away about any secrets.. but that's by the by really... just something to think about for the future
"^

TheMagnificent7 · 26/06/2008 09:48

And thanks for the welcome, i'm not surprised that there are some negative responses, it's a pretty negative subject to start with. I take a lot more than a couple of 'sniffies' to flounce off. I'm just very glad that everyone is a little calmer this morning and has had a chance to think about both sides.

Now, for the 'I'm a little slow' part - could someone PLEASE tell me what an OP is. It's not on the list, and i'm GOOMM trying to work it out. It's almost as infuriating as textspeak by adults...

MoreSpamThanGlam · 26/06/2008 09:59

Original Poster

Twelvelegs · 26/06/2008 10:02

I would contact your local police or social services as they will know the right avenue to proceed down. You can admit that you don't really know what's happened and that you are hoping they recommend a child psycoloist who can talk to your dd without alarming her.

Twelvelegs · 26/06/2008 10:07

This is a little like a thread no so long back where people were crucifying and defending a Man without any evidence. In this instance you have a duty to your dd to find out what has happened, this will have to be done by an appropriate professional.

welshlinz · 26/06/2008 10:24

Ebenes, just have to butt in from your comment last night that the OP is behaving responsibly for keeping the thread anon.
Not taking sides and really don't want to get into an argument but how is it anon when you have a public profile on here containing names and pictures ???!!
If he or his wife happen to be mumsnetters and comes across this thread then what ??

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