My daughter said '****'s daddy did it' and now Im scared and dont know what to do

[clothears]

My mum was looking after my daughter today and thought she saw blood on her pants (it wasnt), she asked my DD how it happened. DD replied ''s daddy did it'. My mum asked what happened and DD said ' wont be my best friend anymore' I have had the same coversation with her. She is only 3.5 yrs old. Im worried. What do I do? My friends partner did look after her last thursday night while I went out. She has been moody since then and I thought nothing of it. I have had thrush and she has been saying she is sore, so I assumed she may have caught thrush from me but its easing and there has been no blood and she isnt sore.
Please help.....

DO NOT QUESTION YOUR OWN CHILD .. that is how you make complexes and set off false memories AND it will not be legal evidence

you need to contact your GP and not question her / talk to her about it

My gut instinct is to think he would never do this - he has a daughter just 5 days older than my own and i have know him since i was pregnant and the mother is a very close friend of mine. Thats my gut but i cant see that i would be a good mther if i ignored it but neither do i want to put her thru trauma like doctors inspections for nothing.

I think you have to be careful how you word this when you ask her actually.

agree re twiglett

Does she tend to make things up?

Are you good friends with your friend's partner?
The last thing you would want to do is hang an innocent man, it would haunt him forever if it all turned out to be nonsense.

I agree with twiglett actually.

YOU DO NOT QUESTION A CHILD ABOUT SUSPECTED ABUSE - EVER!

I hope it turns out to be nothing but no you can't ignore it. So sorry

I don't know, but I have a DD about the same age. She is quite often sore if I put bubbles in the bath, or used a different soap. And I still wipe her bottom, so I'm wondering if perhaps any of this is relevant?

What would worry me is the chain of events that a visit to the doctors could start. This needs to be handles with extreme caution, as you do not want to traumatise her, nor point the finger until you have the facts.

Perhaps casually ask her about her friend, and reassure her that she will be her friend no matter what, through the course of the day ask about her friend, what toys they play with etc etc. I think we get more information from our children in a roundabout way, rather than asking them direct.

You could just ring the police and let them take over.I'm afraid in my job you see how common this type of occurence is

You know what you need to do Clothears. Do get help as others have said if you question her it can be viewed as leading the child. What a nightmare you're having xx

I would call NSPCC or police and ask advice BEFORE DOING ANYTHING ELSE.

I think that you have to be v careful when you handle this. If something untoward has happened she needs to be "questioned" delicately and by professionals. If you phrase things incorrectly it can be seen that you have put words into her mouth, and make and "evidence" that she may give weaker.

Of course I am thinking worse case scenario here, but I think that is what is in your mind anyway.

Please do not question her any more before getting professional advice. I think that this case warrants it.

agbu - that's the last thing op should be worrying about.

not being hysterical but important to take things like this seriously. if the child was prone to making things up presumably she would have elaborated by now too.

So do you mean it was pen or blood? And is she potty traning at 3.5 years old? Seems a little old? Just trfying to get the picture here.

if she has been sore just say you have to take her to the doctors about that.

x posts with Twig...

true story, twig. no dolls, no nothing. i suppose i'd take her to the GP, maybe speaking to them first to see if there's something or someone they should have in place.
terrible situation for you all, really ghastly. you have to listen to her and yet, chances are it's completely innocent.

I would have asked her etc. but actually TWIGLETT IS PROBABLY RIGHT phone nspcc or childline and ask their opinion but i think they will probably agree.

Don't think of it as putting her through the trauma of it - if she was ill or sore down there because of something purely medical, you wouldn't not take her to the doctor.

You have to have this looked into, you really do and hopefully it'll turn out that nothing happened.

having been there albeit 10 years ago
dd had no memory - she had to be looked at but it did not stress her
they asked us questions not her
it was fine

ring social services. or child protection.

If this man has abused your daughter his own child, who is there with him right now, is not safe.

Atm she is the priority. Your dd is out of there, and she can be examined, and counselled and helped all in time, but she is safe.

Her friend is not.

I have also been there, dont question her just get her to a Dr as soon as you can, they are so good with them at this age lots of questions but in a calm controlled manner, it may be nothing but please let the professionals check her out.

I came across a young man (in the line of my previous job) who had a special interest in 3 year old girls. He had a sister, and his mum being a single mum would often have another little girl over to play with dd and to stay over. This young man would often take over with the little girls during bath time. His mum did not know what occured then, with the two little girls. How could she? It was her oldest son, bathing his little sister and her friend, she trusted him.

Sometimes the most decent set-up can be more sordid than you think.

May i ask a question? If you had decorated her knickers with pen, why didn't she say that 'mummy did it?' I wouldn;t question her. Take her to the doctors.

Why to the doctors?

I realise that she probably will have to be examined but surely this should be done under the guidance and guidlines of the police/social services if they deam it necessary.