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Original poster

My daughter said '****'s daddy did it' and now Im scared and dont know what to do

227 replies

clothears · 24/06/2008 21:24

My mum was looking after my daughter today and thought she saw blood on her pants (it wasnt), she asked my DD how it happened. DD replied ''s daddy did it'. My mum asked what happened and DD said ' wont be my best friend anymore' I have had the same coversation with her. She is only 3.5 yrs old. Im worried. What do I do? My friends partner did look after her last thursday night while I went out. She has been moody since then and I thought nothing of it. I have had thrush and she has been saying she is sore, so I assumed she may have caught thrush from me but its easing and there has been no blood and she isnt sore.
Please help.....

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QuintessentialShadows · 24/06/2008 22:02

Could he too have decorated her knickers with pen, if she went to the potty there?

ScaryHairy · 24/06/2008 22:05

The doctor is the obvious place to go.
Actualy I would call them first and have a chat with the GP. The GP will have child protection procedures in place and will be able to advise on the best course of action.

In the meantime I would write down exactly what she told you and not question her any further.

micci25 · 24/06/2008 22:06

also agree with twiglett based on evidence of "leading questions" by police being banned now for the same reasons! if she is upset/traumatised by it at all it will be very easy to have her believe that something more went on!

take her to the docs as suggested just incase! but reassured that it is probably nothing! my dd hates dp washing her as he 'washes her bum and it hurts' this is what she tells every one anyway. i actually seen this going on and whats happens is that he does wash her there as i do but he uses soap and she says it stings i just use water! but she can make it sound v sinsiter when describing it in her own words! and had my mum v concerned.

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avenanap · 24/06/2008 22:06

Social services have an emergency phone number (if you can get hold of it). Personally I would want a bit more info first though. he may have been helping her go to the loo.

wannaBe · 24/06/2008 22:07

reading back through this thread I am slightly about something.

"mum said 'Oh sweetie you have some blood on your pants how did that
happen?". Why would someone say that to a child? I can kind of see the decorating her pants (well I can't really but obviously everyone does potty training in their own way) but to then ask why there was blood when it was pen? I don't understand what would lead someone to say that, even jokingly.

feelingused · 24/06/2008 22:08

here give the NSPCC a ring and get some advice - don't think you have to give your name.

So sorry to hear this, I hope it turns out to be something innocent or a misunderstanding

BetteNoire · 24/06/2008 22:10

clothears, it might be worthwhile making your profile private just until you've clarified this situation - in case your friend is on MN too.

meemar · 24/06/2008 22:10

The " did it" could be ambiguous, and it's not a good idea to probe her as to what she meant.

The thing that would concern me more is "* won't be my best friend anymore"

JeremyVile · 24/06/2008 22:11

I assume what led her to say it was that she thought there was blood on her pants?
It's not odd to say "oh sweetie, you have blood on your pants" if you think there is.
It's no different to saying "oh sweetie, you have blood on your T shirt" is it?

OneLieIn · 24/06/2008 22:15

Hi Clothears, I (for once) am struggling with what to say to you, other than you MUST do something to find out what happened here.

I think the doctors could be a solution if you (a) have kept the knickers and (b) can make it so your daughter is not scared in any way

I would phone the NSPCC or someone and get a professional opinion if you are in doubt.

You can ask your daughter again, but agree with some of othe other posts that you may not ask the 'right' questions.

Please please please please don't bury your head in the sand on this or delay in any way. Act now.

OneLieIn · 24/06/2008 22:16

Clothears, good luck and I have my fingers and toes crossed for you

SlartyBartFast · 24/06/2008 22:16

but the ** daddy didnt cause blood did he? it was pen>?
perhaps he was helping her to use the loo>?

try child protection, they are well trained

JeremyVile · 24/06/2008 22:17

Yep - there was no blood - I was responding to Wannabe's post (sorry, that wasn't very clear)

Alambil · 24/06/2008 22:19

Don't ask her - don't speak about it with her

Ring 0800 11 11 and ask THEM where to go - it's Childline.

From here on in, have no secrets with her - have surprises.

I don't have secrets in my house - if there is something needing to be kept quiet, it's a surprise. No-one ever says "this is our little surprise..." so I'm making it clear to my DS that secrets in any form are not good and he MUST tell me straight away about any secrets.. but that's by the by really... just something to think about for the future

wannaBe · 24/06/2008 22:19

ah yes having reread through thread I can see it now.

Tbh, I don't think you should go to the gp, I think you should ring the police and social services. the police have specially trained child protection officers who can talk to your dd. Plus, if this man has abused her, then either he needs to be arrested or his child needs to be removed for her safety.

This is not just about your dd (although obviously she is your no 1 priority) but there is another child to consider in all this. A child who may be in immediate danger.

meemar · 24/06/2008 22:20

SBF - you're right it was pen, but the concern is that the little girl said he did it when it was her mum who marked the knickers. Why?

That coupled with the statement about "* wont be my best friend any more" is worrying.

Original poster
clothears · 24/06/2008 22:28

Thank you for everyones advice. I think I shall take her to the health visitor in the monring and go from there. I have spoken to NSPCC tonight and they were very helpful.
Thank you again.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 24/06/2008 22:30

Be careful here, clothears. Three year old children really don't understand what they're saying, however lucid they might appear.

The pants she was wearing today were presumably ones that you had 'drawn' on to potty train her, and so were not (presumably) the pants she was wearing last Thursday night when your friend's partner looked after her.

My first instinct is that she has fallen out with her friend over something; she perhaps got told off whilst at her friend's house?

micci25 · 24/06/2008 22:31

good luck clothears hope it turns out to be nothing for you x

foxythesnowfox · 24/06/2008 22:31

Good luck tomorrow Clothears.

violetsmile · 24/06/2008 22:32

Oh dear, how very worrying for you. I really think that you've been given some great advice here, particularly the asking her to demonstrate what happened with her dolls. I really hope it turns out to be nothing but like you say, you are her mother and it would be wrong and foolish to completely disregard what she is telling you. I must admit, kids do tend to over exaggerate things and see things the way they think it happened, rather than the reality but like meemar says, coupled with the statement about '* not being her friend anymore' does sound like someone has told her this rahter than something a child would think of. I really hope it turns out that he just wiped her bottom and accidentally caught her with his finger nails or something. It's such a hard thing to even think about happening. It must be awful for you but I'd deffinitely get her checked out. Like you say, she'd been saying it was sore anyway which even if it is thrush, still could do with a gp taking a look just in case. I sympathise and cross my fingers that it's a big false alarm.

postinginnewname · 24/06/2008 22:32

I went to the Dr's with Dd and voiced my concerns,without her in the room, they shared my concerns and involved ss, Dd was never made to feel anything was wrong, they spoke to me and came to the house and spoke to Dd, after an examination in my case it was deemed that something had happened, it was dealt with.

she is now a happy 12yr old with no real issues.

I hope we are all wrong, but if and its just a small if, something has happened you need to know. I am sorry if you think I am overreacting, but if you dont listen to her, who will?

Original poster
clothears · 24/06/2008 22:33

Desidorata - I completely agree with you. Not the pants she was wearing but also cause of her age. Its not like her to say something like this about someone, she has never created stories other than those about fairy princesses etc. But i am scared to wash over it incase its something and then I would be a bad mother. Thanks for the advice

OP posts:
Desiderata · 24/06/2008 22:37

I understand, clothears. do whatever it takes for peace of mind, and my fingers are all crossed that this is something entirely different to what to what it seems.

Keep us updated.

littleboyblue · 24/06/2008 22:39

I'd take her to get looked at too. You need to know what's happened to you dd if anything. What about this mans daughter, like someone else said, she not safe either, and why wouldn't the girl be your dds best friend anymore, did whatever happened happen to them both together? I really hope it is innocent, but you do need to know.
Have you asked this man abouit it? I know they are your friends but this is your child? You can make more friends and if it is innocent they will/should fully understand that as a parent you have to 100% look out for the safety and wellfare of your child. No?

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