Father wants my heirloom ring back to gift to his new GF

[MRB21]

Don’t know why I’m posting this really but I feel at a loss of what to do. My grandmother died 10 years ago and approximately 4 years ago my dad gave me my grandmothers wedding ring as a gift. I have worn it everyday ever since until my hands were swollen due to pregnancy and it still doesn’t fit comfortably yet but it would be going back on. My father asked me for it back because he wants to give it to his new GF who he has been dating for 6 months (she never met my grandmother). Firstly the ring holds massive sentimental value to me and is the only thing I have of my grandmothers. Secondly should I be giving this back for him to regift to a woman who I / he barely knows? I feel upset that he would take it back to regift it when it’s so cherished by me. What are people’s thoughts please? Am I being overdramatic about it? Should I just give it back to him?

Absolutely not. My wedding ring and engagement rings both belonged to my grandmothers. You’d have to cut my finger off to get me to part with them. They are a deep connection to my past, heritage and two resolute women.

Told him:

I am very emotionally attached to grandmas ring. Since you gifted it to me, I have worn it everyday until it got too small when I was pregnant and my fingers are still too swollen to get my rings back on yet hence why I am not wearing any at the moment. It will be going back on once it fits me again.

Obviously if you really want it back and it is going to cause a real issue between us, which I don’t want, we can discuss it further because ultimately it was your mums but it’s really upset me that you would ask for it back. As her only granddaughter it’s meaning to me in my option far outweighs any emotional significance it could possibly mean to . It is the only thing I have of her and I don’t want to give it back to you. I hope you understand where I am coming from

I think you are being incredibly gentle with this message. Ultimately, I think if you do give it to him you will always regret and your relationship with your dad will be damaged anyway.

I think the message makes it very clear that if he takes it then he will be damaging the relationship

OP - have you got concerns about his capacity or is this typical of him?

Well put, making it clear if he still asks for it back he will hurt you and personally I would not give it back as he gifted it to you.

Just say no. Besides if I was your father's girlfriend I would want a new ring that we chose together, not a family heirloom, which would seem inappropriate.

Please don't or that ring will be lost forever.

Discuss further but never give it back to him.

I was going to say this. Find a cheaper copy of it if you don’t want the confrontation. If he sees you wearing your nans say you miss it sentimentally, so you purchased a copy of it. He’ll never know and you’ll keep the one meant for you. That person will not be giving that ring back if it doesn’t go right, I highly doubt it. Reckless of your father to suggest this and extremely insensitive.

If you find you are unable to just say NO, perhaps you can tell him you will think about it when you find where you put it and make sure you have it well hidden from everyone. Always better to be safe than sorry.
By far the best thing is to just say NO and make sure NO-ONE can get their hands on it. Good luck.

Well done!
If possible please could you let us know your dad's response? I know it's nosy of me but I would be interested to know! And hopefully he will realise how crass his request really was.

He has no right to ask for it back, either morally or legally, and it is disgusting that he would ask. Ok, he likes his new girlfriend, but it's not his ring any more. It also shows complete disregard for your feelings. I hope you don't do it.

I don't see why you have to justify keeping the ring or make excuses. He gave it to you, he didn't loan it to you. It may be a family heirloom but once you've passed it down it belongs to the person you gave it to. If, for example, you had a family ring you gave to a child for an engagement ring, you wouldn't have any right to ask for it back a few years later. Apart from anything else he barely knows this woman. What is he thinking of?

Form no - it was your grans ring and has sentiments value to you. It was gifted to you years ago. Their future is unknown and the GF is nothing to do with your gran. If it goes to her likely you will never see you ring again.
just say no

yeats ago I was gifted my grans ring. My mum was very annoyed and hounded me to give it to her as she says she was the next in line not me. I refused but got fed up of the harassment and eventually gave it to her to stop the hounding and pressure. She said it would eventually cone to me anyway. It never did. I never saw my grans ring again.

so my lesson from that is do not let the ring go …end of x

You could put it on a chain around your neck - that's what I do with my grandmother's engagement ring which came to me and is far too tiny to go round my chunky digits. That way you can carry on wearing it to feel close to your grandmother (and avoid your dad's potential attempts at saying 'well, you don't wear it anyway'...)

No way!! Don’t do it

Absolutely under no circumstances. It is a ring to stay within the family. Since when was it acceptable to ask for a gift back to give it to someone else. I would make sure it was well hidden aswell, when you are not wearing it. And do not be swayed if he says its for an engagement ring.

If someone gives you a gift then it becomes yours. Tell him to do one

This is rather horrid and similar happened to me. I was very close to my MIL and when she died my SIL asked if there was anything I wanted. The wedding ring, I said. SIL was happy. And that was the only thing I had of hers. I wore it always. FF 12 years and divorced. Ex got a new GF ( 25 years younger BTW), and in the middle of a nasty settlement he sent a lawyers letter demanding it back. The letter must have cost him at least £200 and the ring was worth in monetary value about £50. To me my last connection with my MIL who I miss to this day). He had been horrid to his mother and when we met she had been ostracised from the family. I brought her back in and literally nursed her to her death as he was away. I also brought up his 3 children as their mother ran off with her lover and did not want them living with her. My lawyer laughed and I said NO.
So here is a suggestion. Say to your father that you do not think the time is appropriate and that as the ring is yours you will make a decision at some time in the future. Smile sweetly at him to imply that if they marry them you might...???
Or. . . find another that looks the same, give him that and tell him that you have another to replace it.
And for what it is worth- my opinion. Your father needs a severe lesson in morality and family values.

Hard no from me

Good lord no.

This can't be real. I would say sorry dad you gifted me the ring as a keepsake in memory of my Grandmother. I'm sorry to say it would upset me too much to part with it now. I hope you understand.

I'm curious if even a SINGLE person here said you were being overdramatic. It's such a very unreasonable thing for him to ask you. Hopefully you have got a unanimous answer from here and knowing that, it will give you the strength to say no!
(I feel I should add, if anyone DID say you were being unreasonable, well there are some odd people in the world, and hopefully you'll still have the strength to say no!)

No it should stay in the family. His woman will have no sentimental attachment to but you do.

Hopefully he responds with a massive apology and he was just being thoughtless. If he pushes for it back id just say you feel very betrayed that he would feel fine about hurting you so deeply over a ring for his new gf when he can go and buy her one thats significant to them