why do tantrums seem so much more common today?

[juliano]

i was reading through a few parenting discussions recently and one thing kept coming up over and over again: tantrums.
it seems like almost every parent has a story about a meltdown that came out of nowhere, whether at home, in a store, or right before bedtime.
what i'm curious about is whether tantrums are actually becoming more common, or if parents today are simply more aware of them and talk about them more openly than previous generations did.
for those who have children who go through tantrums regularly, what do you think is the biggest reason behind them? fatigue, frustration, screens, personality, something else, or a combination of everything?

I remember having tantrums, my brother having tantrums, my cousins having tantrums. This was in the 80s.

I'm pretty sure we tantrummed just as much when we were kids. In my mum's neighbourhood I was known as The Screamer and then as I got bigger, The Destroyer.

My kids now are tame in comparison. I once picked up our landline phone and (because it was ringing and I don't like ringing) I bashed it hard against the wall till it broke.

And we didn't have a TV

My DC are in their mid 20s and tantrums were definitely a thing talked about back then, and my mum who had her DC 50+ years ago was also able to advise on them, so.....

They aren’t. What tends to be the problem is people forget the hard or further back parts of parenting and they romanticise them more than the reality. I find older people rarely remember their children’s tantrums and are way off on their memory of ages and developmental norms because looking back that far it blends together. I’ve heard various retired mothers and fathers claim things from their 1 year old could read and understand books, their babies never once dared to spill food etc.
Its mostly rubbish, clearly.

Fwiw, both my DC had one tantrum, which was ignored and they never bothered again.

The phrase "the terrible twos" was popularised in the 1950s (according to Google) so talking about tantrums is definitely not a new thing!

I don't think tantrums are any more common than they used to be.

My Mum used to regularly recount the most embarrassing moment of her life, which I decided to have an epic 20 minute long tantrum while we were shopping in the Waitrose where she also worked. This was back in the 80s.

I can also remember my cousin (who 30 years later is one of the nicest women I know), being an absolute nightmare between the ages of 1 and 3. She could go for absolutely hours.

That's interesting. A few people have said the same thing, which makes me wonder if we're just talking about tantrums more openly now.

The Screamer" and "The Destroyer" suggest tantrums definitely aren't a modern invention.

That's a good point. It sounds like tantrums have been a normal part of childhood for generations

That's an interesting perspective. Memory probably does smooth over some of the harder moments with time

Sounds like you were very lucky compared to some parents!

That's a great point. The phrase wouldn't have existed for so long if tantrums were a new phenomenon

Your poor mum. Stories like that do make it sound like tantrums have always been around lol

My cousin was absolutely awful. I remember watching her fascinated as she almost kicked the glass in my gran's porch in! She was a stroppy madam as a teenager too.
My life would not have been worth living if I behaved like that so I didn't bother!

Yes my kids had tantrums and my sister, brother and I had tantrums in the 50s/60s.

I mean, the internet didn’t exist in the 80s when I was having tantrums. My mum worked 50 hours a week. She didn’t really have any mum friends. I don’t know who or how she would have talked to anyone about it. I can assure you I was having tantrums though. I had a jar where I got a coin for every day I was deemed ‘good’. It was called the ‘be good’ jar. I was not always good, so sometimes I got spanked with a wooden spoon. 😳

What are you classing as a tantrum?

Excellent new usernames there @Kingdomofsleep if you are ever in need of one. The Screamer or The Destroyer 😂. I don’t think tantrums are more prevalent now. I think there is just too much scrutiny and judgement of parents and children now. Years ago many behaviours would have just been ignored as a PP mentioned or laughed off. Every thing is given such serious consideration nowadays. The poster mentioning older people misremembering their children having tantrums could be correct. Or maybe they were just such a non event that they genuinely don’t remember them. I freely admit that I can’t remember my DS ever having a tantrum.

Are you getting AI to write your responses, or farming content for a blog? These are some of the most stilted replies I have ever read.

Tantrums aren’t new or more common
I can remember my oldest son having a tantrum in Sainsburys (often) where he threw himself on the floor- he usually got up by the time I’d reached the end of the aisle- I think people do talk about it more now

I think they are more often now due to ‘gentle’ parenting.

I also think people make them seem worse when they talk about them - kids always have a meltdown rather than a tantrum apparently

My child has never had a tantrum. He’s nearly 5 now and looks at children who whine and tantrum like they’ve got 3 heads. I tantrummed as a child and had the classic “terrible twos” which were outgrown by 3 or so. I suppose it’s temperamental as I think I parent very similarly to how I was parented.

Sounds like your cousin made quite an impression.

That's another vote for tantrums not being anything new