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Parenting

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MIL unwanted comments towards my toddler

56 replies

MWJC88 · 22/06/2026 20:21

My MIL made a comment to my 2 year old daughter and it’s really upset me. I don’t know how to handle the situation.

my daughter is on the leaner side like most toddlers are as she is always on the move - this morning my MIL made a comment to my daughter and said “you need to eat more food I can see your ribs” my response was calm as I didn’t want to make a bigger thing of it in front of my daughter and I said “don’t say that nanny it isn’t nice”. However on reflection I’m livid. I promote body confidence and believe in women/girls coming in all shapes and sizes and I want my daughter to feel good in her own skin. This has made me so sad and I don’t know how to broach it with MiL but I want to tell her that I don’t want my daughter’s appearance being commented on.

advice appreciated

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Naurrr · 24/06/2026 15:43

Anyone saying it's fine for the woman to be making repeated comments about the childs body and how much she eats- would you like to be told 'You're too fat, you need to eat less, I can see your rolls of fat' or 'i can see your bones, you should eat more, your body is wrong'
If you wouldn't find that pleasant, why would a developing child like it?

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 24/06/2026 15:58

If anyone has The Times today, read Carol Midgley. One liners and mime about weight and sport. Not in the same context but well done Rory!

MWJC88 · 24/06/2026 20:28

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 24/06/2026 15:58

If anyone has The Times today, read Carol Midgley. One liners and mime about weight and sport. Not in the same context but well done Rory!

I’m sad for you. This is tragic

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MeetMeOnTheCorner · 24/06/2026 21:54

@MWJC88 Me? Why? It’s just another take on a similar issue and a different opinion. I’m assuming you don’t want any alternative opinion or discussion though.

unicornpower · 24/06/2026 22:00

Absolutely right to call her out on it! I hate it too. My mum has always commented on people’s weight and size and when I was growing up she always said how much more attractive she was when she was skinny. She never admitted that I had an eating disorder, even when I was like a skeleton and barely eating. It’s really damaging and I am so aware of food and always have been, I have people commenting on how much I eat, what’s on my plate etc it just really upsets me and that’s from childhood/teen years, from my mum and her mum. I go out of my way to never do that infront of my own girls and I automatically will shut it down if she says things like that infront of them. It’s a hill I’m willing to die on!

gingz · Yesterday 03:19

In many Latin cultures, just as an example, it's perfectly normal and common for families to assign nicknames based on body type eg height, weight (whether skinny or fat, tall or short). Its obviously affectionate in nature as well, but blatantly honest, when not used ironically (ie you might also ironically refer to a family/friend as 'gordo' who is very skinny). I say this as an overweight person myself (insulin resistance coupled with bad habits, full admittance there!).

In fact, I distinctly remember one Latin man I ever dated, who I could tell was obviously attracted to me, but once remarked to me very matter of factly 'you're a big woman'. I was in disbelief and confused at why he said it (it had genuinely not come up before) - i tutted, rolled my eyes and responded along the lines of 'yes, I'm aware, thanks for pointing out the obvious...' and he responded with 'no, i mean, even if you lost weight, you also have a big frame. Look at me I am very small, too small'. He didn't typically neg me or anything like that, when I look at the span of our time dating, in fact was very typically complimentary.

The reason I bring it this up, is the more Latin people I dated and met (and Italians, come to think of it, though to a lesser degree), the more I realised that within family, friends etc is it just the norm in some cultures, because people just aren't quite as sensitive to it. They can be very realistic and factual about themselves, and others. It isn't uncommon to discuss with both friends or dating partners exact heights and weights down to the cm and kg, even when you're both sat together and can obviously see!). In fact I distinctly remember another latin man i was dating, who had eyes in his head, could see, and after discussing height, proceeded to tell me his weight in kg and then ask mine! - then just move on to the next topic of conversation.

The point I'm making, is I do believe people need to build up a resilience to other peoples comments, and not everyone need shrink away under such comments. We as a society have become very sensitive to comments on appearance, and in many places and cultures in the world, it just isn't so.

This all being said, i also DO understand your point, because for me, personally, it's never entered my head to comment on peoples bodies or appearance, it just doesn't seem necessary. Plenty of people just do, and it can be shown as a sign of comfort and closeness with loved ones.

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