Daughter makes inappropriate moaning nosies - how to make her stop

[Gambino1726]

My daughter makes a loud moaning noise. This is really embarrassing noise, similar to someone “in the act” I find it hard to explain to her not to do it. I also ask please please be gentle with the advice. She says the kids do it at school, and I am 99.9% she has not been exposed to harmful content online, but at weekends she on kids YouTube, and I am not supervising her every second she’s on it. Please don’t judge me! I am a single parent and sometimes I just need to crack on and she wants to chill!

So when she’s playing either in a group or on her own and playing around, she sometimes makes this very loud, moan noise. The moan is akin to a sex noise. If you’ve ever seen that meme that goes around people’s phones where they ask you to turn the volume up and then suddenly a woman screams/moans really loud, she does something similar

I’ve repeatedly told her not to make this noise, she says her friends do it at school and it’s funny, and I’ve told her it’s a rude sound and mustn’t be done.

How far to I say “hey, it’s a sex noise”? They have just done sex-ed in school but of course they don’t know about the noises adults make.

I find it extremely grating and simple can’t tolerate it. How do I make her stop/and explain why not to use this noise?

They'll know that you trust the system enough to act on behalf of the vulnerable. Unless that adult is suspected to be inside the home, like it would be in the case of the 9 year old who is not reporting a clear perpetrator, there would be no reason to remove them. Let's say the adult you speak of was in the home, they'd act to remove them first.

In the case of the 9 year old, it is someone who is showing signs of sexual abuse but of course not actually saying someone is acting inappropriately towards them which means that everyone becomes a possibility. The way to safeguard that child is to remove them from that environment.

'Inappropriate' is such a mealy-mouthed word. Find a word that she won't want to hear applied to herself, and use it at the same time as confiscating her ipad.

OMG I went through this a while ago with my 8 year old! Drive me mad. I think he got it from school as he’s not allowed access to YouTube, and then his older sister told him it was a sex noise. Brilliant. Some immediate consequences put in place put a stop to it pretty quickly. But yeah, it was the most vile trend.

Thanks. Yes we still have limits on the tablet. First it’s only Saturdays and Sundays then it’s limited on time and turned off after her slot ends.

Tell her that if she does it again you'll do it in front of her friends... lol

To be clear, I dont think your daughter is being abused by anyone. I am just saying factually, she is displaying sexualised behaviour, and at 9, that could flag a safeguarding risk and warrant investigation. I don't think she is too young to gain some understanding of this reality.

Sexually abused children are hardly likely to be making noises of pleasure. Fear and silence are the norm.

You have repeatedly asked your young child to stop doing something and she just completely ignores you and cracks on regardless? Teenage years are going to be bloody hard if she’s ignoring you at 9

Moaning noises are commonly used at high school by boys to sexually harass girls and female staff. I'm not surprised it has trickled down to younger children who don't know what it means.

Sexualised behaviour is a common sign of sexual abuse in minors and other vulnerable people.

Can you tell her not to do it and that if she doesn’t she I’ll get a consequence. Surely you don’t need to have a reason and negotiate with 9 year old.

You’d think, but it appears not!

Moaning noises are commonly used at high school by boys to sexually harass girls and female staff. I'm not surprised it has trickled down to younger children who don't know what it means.

Blimey I've led a sheltered life!

I know. But I'm surprised this includes moans of pleasure.

It's astonishing, isn't it. Hope you get her sorted. 9 year olds do the strangest things. I'm sure that you'll guide her well.

Apparently not indicative of that at all, given it seems to be a widespread trend.

The thing that should not be made scary is telling an adult about sexual abuse.

If a child is actually being abused then why on earth tell them that telling an adult about it will result in them being "taken away"? That is the kind of thing that's likely to result in them never telling anybody at all.

I thought of this thread today when a student made a noise like this in my Y9 lesson. I told them all, firmly, that if anyone chose to make that noise again, I’d be emailing the headteacher to come to the classroom and I would be explaining exactly what type of noise was made, and we would all be having a conversation about why it was inappropriate. Surprisingly enough you couldn’t hear a pin drop after that!